


Just Keep Breathing

by momentsintimex



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Family, Family Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 14:57:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 68,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7897093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momentsintimex/pseuds/momentsintimex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alexander Hamilton's phone rings twice in five minutes, and that's when he knows something is wrong.</p><p>He just isn't expecting a hospital in Manhattan to be on the other end.</p><p>OR </p><p>The Hamilton's lives are changed by a single phone call.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one.

**Author's Note:**

> I've finally decided to upload this!
> 
> This is set in the modern era, obviously, and for this fic the Reynolds affair never happened, mostly because I wanted to focus on this plot and not much else. The family spends time in both Albany and Washington, D.C., but I'll make sure to specify when they are in each. There may be a few other differences as well.
> 
> For future info, the children's ages in this fic are:
> 
> Philip - 19  
> Angie - 17  
> Alex Jr. - 15  
> James - 13  
> John - 9  
> William - 4  
> Elizabeth - 2
> 
> Obviously, there is no eighth child in this fic.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!  
> I'll update every Sunday! (:

It’s just after two in the afternoon when Alexander’s phone buzzes across his desk, where it had been lying untouched for the past three hours. The man has been too engrossed in the speech he had been writing to even take a minute to look at it, leaving texts unread and emails untouched for the time being, working towards a deadline.

 

He let it go to voicemail, fearing that if he stopped to answer a number he didn’t recognize he would lose the momentum that took most of the day to build up, and he’d be in the officefor most of the night, much to Eliza’s dismay.

 

When the same number calls again a few minutes later, he decides to answer it.

 

He wasn’t prepared for what was on the other line.

 

—

 

Alexander doesn’t remember what he did after he hung up the phone. His body felt like he was floating, his mind was somewhere else, somewhere he wasn’t sure how to get to.

 

“Mr. Hamilton, we need you to come to the hospital as quickly as possible, your son Philip has just been brought in with a gunshot wound,” The woman sounded sympathetic over the phone from what Alexander can remember. His mind had gone blank when he heard the word gunshot, fearing the worst for his son who was so close, yet so far away.

 

“Eliza,” Alexander whispered, his mind moving faster than his body, eager to get to his wife, for them to get to their son, and to find some answers to everything that had transpired in the last five minutes.

 

—

 

As Alexander comes rushing through the door speaking as if the world was about to end, Eliza was initially grateful that all of the children were at school. 

 

“We need to get to the city,” was all Alexander managed to say, his eyes wide with panic, his breath caught in his throat.

 

That’s when she knew something was very, very wrong.

 

Eliza had always heard about a mother’s intuition, and after seven children, she would have to say that she had a knack for figuring out when something was wrong. 

 

“My love, slow down. What’s going on?” 

 

“Eliza, Philip was shot.”

 

That’s when Eliza’s world began to fall apart.

 

—

 

Both Peggy and Angelica had offered to stay with the children for as long as they needed them to, urging both Eliza and Alexander to go and see their son. They had no information on how he was, and while they hoped he was in the best hands possible and he was safe and okay, Eliza knew that there was very little evidence that things had gone that smoothly.

 

The train from Albany to Manhattan usually felt like it took no time, however today Eliza was almost positive the train was going the slowest it’s ever gone. Her foot tapped impatiently as she watched the landscape go by, her cheeks stained with tear tracks, however the tears no longer flowed freely.

 

Alexander stayed glued to his phone, sorting through emails, keeping his mind distracted. If Eliza had any energy she was sure she’d yell at him, tell him that worrying about work in a time like this was the worst thing he could be doing. But instead she sat quietly, letting him do his work, her hand resting against his thigh.

 

“Do you think he knows how much we love him?” Her voice came out just above a whisper in the otherwise quiet car of the train, Alexander jumping only slightly at another voice filling his mind.

 

“Betsey, he knows how much we love him. And when we get there, we can tell him again,” He promised, leaning over to press a quick kiss to his wife’s cheek, letting her head fall against his shoulder.

 

“Who could’ve done this to him? He’s never hurt a soul,” Even if Eliza had wanted to cry, she was positive there were no tears left for her to expel. She had spent a better part of the evening crying, just praying that her eldest child would be alive when they arrived, and they weren’t going back to Manhattan to identify his body.

 

“We’ll find him, Eliza. The police will find him, and we will make sure that he gets the justice he deserves.”

 

The words come as an empty promise to both Eliza and Alexander, but as the conversation falls back silent, Eliza clings onto the hope that her husband’s words are all true, and that everything will be okay.

 

—

 

Alexander was sure that if Eliza squeezed his hand any harder, he’d be seeing the doctor for a broken hand. 

 

The two of them sat quietly in the doctor’s private office, waiting for what felt like hours for him to brief them on their son, who very well could be on his death bed for all they knew.

 

When he finally walked in and introduced himself as Dr. Jones, both Alexander and Eliza held their breath in anticipation of what exactly he was going to say.

 

“Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton, let me start by saying your son is incredibly lucky to still be alive right now.” The words came as no comfort to either parent, and if anything, Eliza just worried more.

 

“Based on the police reports, your son was involved in an altercation with another student. The student then pulled a gun, shooting your son once. The bullet passed through his abdomen from the left side just above his hip, and lodged itself in his right arm,” Eliza choked back a sob as she listened to the accounts of what happened to her son, just praying that they were going to get some good news out of this.

 

“We’ve gone in and removed the bullet as well as some bone fragments that were chipped from the impact, and we’ve repaired some bleeding in his abdomen. We’ll know more about how his abdomen is healing the further we get into his recovery process.” 

 

“While we were able to repair almost everything, the wound was infected when he arrived,” As his hands clasped together in front of him on his desk, Eliza tried to process everything he was saying.

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“Mrs. Hamilton, while your son survived the initial wound and the surgery, there’s no guarantee that he’ll survive the recovery and the infection. His body has been through a lot, and although he’s young and seems to be healthy otherwise, this infection is taking a lot out of him, as it would with anyone else.”

 

“So what you’re saying is even though you’re doing everything you can, Philip could still die?”

 

“I’m sorry Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton, but we’ve done all we can. We just have to hope that the antibiotics and his body can fight off the infection. But I’d prepare for the worst.”


	2. two.

Eliza had spent many nights in her eldest child’s bedroom when he would become so ill he didn’t want to be alone, holding him, promising him he would be okay. 

 

This was different.

 

Nothing prepared Eliza or Alexander for what they were about to see when they walked into their son’s room in the Intensive Care Unit, Philip hooked up to more machines than either of them could process. He didn’t look like the Philip they knew. He looked lifeless, as if they would touch him, he would break.

 

“He’s been in and out of consciousness, but he may not be coherent. I’ll be in to check on him soon, don’t hesitate to press the nurse’s button if you need anything.” With that Dr. Jones had left the room, leaving both Eliza and Alexander to deal with what was right in front of them.

 

“Oh my god,” Alexander whispered, his hand letting go of Eliza’s, his feet carrying him slower than they ever have before towards his son, who, quite frankly, didn’t look like his son.

 

His hand slowly reached forward to hold Philip’s non-bandaged hand, minding the various monitors and tubes attached to him. “Mom and I are here,” he whispered, his eyes locked on his son’s face, pain etched across it even while he was heavily medicated and asleep.

 

“My son,” Eliza gasped, following in her husband’s footsteps to stand just beside him, her hand resting against his. Philip’s hand laid just beneath theirs, cold and clammy. His face was pale and drawn in, and Eliza had caught a glimpse of one of the many bandages covering her son’s abdomen, peeking out from beneath the sheets.

 

Stepping around Alexander, Eliza made her way towards the head of the bed, her hand gently reaching out to untangle Philip’s unruly curls. Instead of waking like he had so many times before when his mom would play with his hair, he remained motionless, just taking a deeper breath.

 

Eliza was sure that if she had any tears left she would cry, but instead she just let her hands go through the motions she had done so many times before with all of her children, silently praying that Philip would open his eyes for them.

 

—

 

Alexander isn’t sure how his wife just got through the phone call that she had to make.

 

Her voice is hushed even in the confined space of the hospital room, explaining everything she knew to Angelica, who was at home with their other six children.

 

Their other six children who were alive, who needed their parents, needed some sort of stability through the chaos.

 

Her phone fell to her lap when she hung up, Alexander walking slowly towards her, finding himself sitting down on the sofa beside her, letting her head fall onto her shoulder.

 

“Angelica offered to bring the kids down tonight to see him,” she whispered, her voice quiet as she watched her son's heart monitor from across the room, the only thing she took comfort in.

 

“Maybe we should wait a few days, let him have a few days to get a little better, maybe be more alert. The way he is right now would scare them.”

 

“Alexander, he may not have a few days,” lifting her head up from his shoulder Eliza’s tired eyes met her husband’s, and in that moment she saw every emotion he was feeling. Alexander had never been one to outwardly say what he was feeling, leaving Eliza to often guess on what he had been so afraid of today.

 

This wasn’t one of those times when she had to guess.

 

“Eliza, my love, we have to be positive,” Alexander began, pressing a kiss to her forehead, just like he had so many times before. “Philip will be okay, and you and I will be here with him the whole time. He knows how much we love him, and when he wakes up, we’ll tell him over and over.”

 

Eliza just nodded, silently praying that her husband was right, just like he had been so many times before.

 

—

 

Sleep wasn’t coming easy for the woman who had normally cherished her rest without at least one of her children pressed against her. 

 

While Alexander had been able to doze off quietly on the sofa in the corner of their son’s hospital room Eliza found herself wide awake, fearing that if she did sleep, she wouldn’t be there when her son needed her the most.

 

Texts between her and Angelica had come to a stop a little after midnight, Angelica assuring her that all the children were fed, taken care of, and were mostly just worried about their brother. It was that moment that Eliza wished she had good news, or any news at all to tell them.

 

This was all just a waiting game she wasn’t fond of.

 

It was just after one in the morning when her phone unexpectedly buzzed in her lap, Angie’s face lighting up the screen.

 

“Sweetheart, it’s so late. What are you still doing awake?” She answered the phone, her voice just above a whisper as her free hand held onto her son’s, praying that when she squeezed once more, that would be the time he would squeeze back.

 

“Philip’s dead, isn’t he?” It wasn’t what Eliza had expected to hear from her daughter who sounded so much younger than she was, especially on a night that had been so trying.

 

“Honey, he’s not dead. He’s alive. I’m sitting with him right now,” While she hoped that would bring Angie comfort, Eliza realized that while she may be sitting with him, it didn’t mean that he was any better than he had been just a few hours ago.

 

“Aunt Angelica told Alex, John and me that it’s not good. Mom, is he going to die?” Eliza didn’t know how to answer that question, not when she didn’t know the answer herself.

 

“Honey, it’s not looking good. Your brother is very, very injured, and he has an infection that is making him very sick. They’re not sure if he’ll ever wake up,” Hearing her own voice say it out loud made things just a little worse, if possible.

 

“I need to see him, Mom,”

 

“Angie, you can take the train down in the morning, it’s too late now for you to come,” Reasoning with her 17 year old daughter when she was exhausted herself was no easy feat, Angie just sighing on the other line.

 

“But what if he’s not alive then?”

 

“Angelica, he will be alive. Your brother will still be alive in the morning, and you’ll be able to see him. I need you to stay positive, sweetheart. He’s doing okay right now, and we need to pray that his body is strong enough to fight off this infection,” Eliza had never intended on sharing this much with any of their children, wanting to stay positive for them when things were so uncertain with their brother. But right now Angie needed to know the truth, and she needed to hear that maybe, if they prayed hard enough, he’d be okay.

 

“I’ll text your Aunt Angelica in the morning and tell her to bring you to the train station. Dad or I will come get you and you can see him first thing,” It was late and Eliza knew she was making a rash decision, but in her hazed mind, this is what felt right.

 

“Tell Philip and Dad that I love them. And I love you,” 

 

“We love you too, sweetheart. So much. Now please go get some sleep,” Eliza laughed, wiping under her eyes for what felt like the millionth time that day, saying goodbye once more to her daughter before hanging up. Her attention focused back on her son, who hadn’t moved.

 

“Your sister loves you, honey. All of your siblings do. And your aunts and uncles. And Dad and I. We all want you to just wake up. We’re not leaving sweetheart, just please, wake up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all of the support on the first chapter! i hope you guys continue like it! 
> 
> updates every Sunday! (:


	3. three.

Sleep didn’t come easy for Alexander, and as he woke up with the sun the next morning, he was both relieved and excited that he woke up to the steady beep of the heart monitor, indicating his son had made it through the night.

 

Standing up from the sofa and walking towards the bed he gently let his hand rest against his wife’s back, where she had fallen asleep holding Philip’s hand, praying for a miracle.

 

“Eliza, my love, wake up,” He whispered, rubbing gently.

 

As her head lifted from the bed she too heard the heart monitor, turning her attention to her husband, a small smile forming on her face.

 

“He’s alive.”

 

A nod was all Alexander could manage, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

 

—

 

“I can’t stress this enough, we’ve been incredibly lucky with how well he’s been doing,” Dr. Jones began, looking between both Alexander and Eliza.

 

“He is still running a fever, and the infection doesn’t look like it’s gotten any better. If things don’t look better this afternoon I’m going to switch his antibiotic to something stronger,” He explained, the two of them nodding.

 

“We’re willing to do whatever it takes to get him better, just please, save our son,” Alexander pleaded, Dr. Jones nodding.

 

“We’re doing everything we can, Mr. Hamilton, I can assure you.” With that Dr. Jones quietly left the room, once again the beeping of the monitors the only thing filling the otherwise silent room.

 

“Come on, baby, we need you to open your eyes. Open your eyes for us, baby,” Eliza was pleading, standing next to her son with her hand in his, hoping that this time, there would be a miracle.

 

“Angie’s going to be here soon,” Alexander whispered, watching the moment that he hated so much to interrupt, his wife looking back at him.

 

“One of us is going to have to go and pick her up. I don’t want her coming here alone, but I don’t want him alone if he wakes up.”

 

“I’ll go, you stay here with him, he’s going to want you more,” While the reasoning wasn’t totally true on Alexander's part Eliza wasn’t one to argue, instead simply nodding in his direction, her attention turning back to their son.

 

“Things will be okay, my love,” Alexander whispered, stepping behind Eliza to press a kiss to the back of her head.

 

She only hoped that that was true.

 

—

 

With Alexander off to collect Angie and the nurse having just finished making her rounds Eliza was left with just her eldest son, thinking back on when the last time this happened was.

 

She just wished that their one-on-one time was coming in a vastly different circumstance.

 

Relaying texts to Angelica about Philip and taking a moment to text with a few of her older children, promising them that their brother would be okay and they would all be back together soon, Eliza almost didn’t realize the change in her son’s demeanor just inches away from her.

 

It was only when she heard the heart monitor and the small whine that she pulled herself away from her phone, immediately standing up to see her son’s face better.

 

“Philip, honey?” Cautious to speak any louder Eliza gently took Philip’s hand like she had so many times before, giving it a gentle squeeze like she always did.

 

This time, Philip squeezed back.

 

“Oh honey, can you open your eyes? Mom is here. I’m right here, baby,” Eliza pleaded, watching her son gently come to, his eyes opening a few times before falling to focus on her face, the tears falling once more.

 

“Ma,” He whispered, his voice quiet and etched with pain, breaking Eliza’s heart once more.

 

“I’m here baby, oh my god. You’re okay, you’re going to be okay. I’m not leaving,” Her words came out as a jumbled mess, her mind unable to process what exactly to say to her son to make him feel better.

 

“Hurts,” Was all he whispered back, gently squeezing his mother’s hand once more.

 

“I know baby. You’re so brave, your dad and I are so proud of you. We love you so much. Keep fighting, sweetheart, okay?” While asking her son this question she realized that this was asking a lot from a boy who is literally fighting for his life, but in that moment she realized that she couldn’t lose him.

 

As he slowly drifted back off to sleep with his hand intertwined with his mother’s, Eliza silently prayed that this was the beginning of things looking up, and from there they were only going to get better.

 

“Please God, don’t take my son from me.”

 

—

 

**Text from: Eliza**

 

_Alexander._

 

**Text from: Alexander**

 

_Is he okay?_

 

**Text from: Eliza**

 

_He woke up!_

 

**Text from: Eliza**

 

_He’s back to sleep, but he was awake for a few minutes!_

 

**Text from: Alexander**

 

_Almost back, tell him we love him_

 

“Angie, your brother…your brother isn’t in good shape,” Alexander began, glancing over at his daughter in the back of the car someone had sent for him to pick her up in. 

 

She looked like she hadn’t slept in days, not that he thought he looked much better. 

 

“Your mom just texted and said he woke up, but we’re not sure what that means, if it’s good news or not,” Letting his head fall against the window he felt as if the conversation was going nowhere, and he wasn’t sure what he could say to get his daughter to speak to him.

 

“If you think this is too much for you, you have to let Mom or I know. It’s hard seeing him like this, Angie. I’d take it away if I could. I’d do that for any of you, you know,” The image of his son lying lifeless in a hospital bed flooded through Alexander’s mind, squeezing his eyes shut as he struggled to think of a way to push that away from his memories.

 

The only thing that broke him out of seeing that image replayed in his mind was his eldest daughter grabbing his hand, her hands wrapping around his palm like she used to do when she was so much younger, and things were so different.

 

It was then he looked up from where he had been staring straight ahead, his daughter looking straight back at him, her lips pursed in a thin line across her face, the worry evident without him even needing to ask.

 

“He’ll live, Dad. I know he will.”

 

And somehow, that was more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah i never thought this would get the reception that it's getting, thank you so much! I hope you guys continue to enjoy it (:
> 
> as we get into the story, the whole family will be involved, i promise! 
> 
> updates every Sunday as usual! (:


	4. four.

Arriving back at the hospital in the middle of Manhattan was enough to draw a crowd to the front entrance, mostly reporters who had been hoping to get the first news on The Secretary of the Treasury’s son.

“Mr. Hamilton, there’s rumors that your son has died. Is it true?”

“Mr. Hamilton, how is your son?”

“Do you know who did this?”

Rather than answering any questions Alexander took his daughter’s hand, leading her through the crowd of people and back into the hospital, towards the elevator’s to go to Philip’s floor.

“You ready?” Alexander questioned, waiting for the nod from his daughter before continuing walking down the halls of the ICU, bringing her into her brother’s room.

Her gasp was enough to convey what she felt when she saw Philip.

“I know it’s a lot, sweetheart,” Eliza began, her hand still resting with Philip’s, her eyes focused on her daughter in an attempt to read how she was feeling.

“He…Philip…Dad,” Turning back to Alexander with helplessness in her eyes Alexander did the only thing he felt he could do, pulled his daughter into his chest, hugging her as tight as he could. If he couldn’t hug Philip this way, at least he could hug Angie.

“I know, I know. It’s hard. He’s going to be okay,” He promised, his words falling flat in the thick air of the hospital room.

“He was just awake, sweetheart. Maybe he’ll wake up again if he knows you’re here,” Angie took slow steps from where she stood at the entrance of the room, stopping just beside her mother.

“Here, you hold his hand,” Gently pulling her hand out of her son’s Eliza let Angie get a little closer, pressing a kiss to her cheek as she stood just in front of her. Her hand tentatively reached out for her older brother’s, gently grasping it.

Eliza took to focusing on her son’s face, pushing away some locks of curls, feeling the heat radiate off of his forehead. She was reminded then the severity of what was going on, her son’s body fighting itself in order to stay alive.

She just hoped it continued to fight. 

“Your sister is here, Philip. Think you can open your eyes again and say hello?” She knew she was being optimistic now, talking as if her son could just wake up easily like he had so many times before at home. 

“Hi, Philip. I want you to wake up and show me that you’re okay. Please, Philip. Please,” Angie pleaded, using her free hand to wipe under her eyes, Alexander watching two of his girls from afar, trying not to cry himself.

“Mom, I think he just squeezed my hand,” Turning back to her mom after a few minutes of focusing on her brother Angie’s eyes went wide, feeling almost as if she was hallucinating.

“Sweetheart, can you open your eyes? Dad and Angie are here, they want to see you awake too,” Eliza’s hands continued to card through her son’s knotted curls, gently untangling them as best she could without the help of a brush. She watched his face carefully, his eyes fluttering before opening for a moment, causing Alexander to walk forward quickly, coming to the other side of the bed.

“Hi, son,” Alexander smiled, tears welling in his eyes as Philip gently turned his head towards the voice, his eyes briefly meeting with his father’s.

“Dad,” Philip whispered, Alexander’s hand on his son’s shoulder, careful not to jostle his arm too much.

“I’m here, son. Everything is going to be okay. We’re not leaving you,” He promised, Philip nodding slowly, turning his head back as his eyes fell shut once more.

“I’m sorry,” His voice broke through the room a little louder this time, Alexander and Eliza exchanging a quick glance at each other, Angie stepping up.

“You idiot, you shouldn’t be sorry,” She laughed, letting the tears fall freely this time. “But you need to stay alive. Philip, please fight to stay alive, I can’t lose you. We can't lose you,” Eliza wanted to scold her daughter for talking to her brother like that, for not having faith. For ever doubting that he wasn’t fighting right now. 

Instead she took an unexpected step back, letting her two eldest children speak together.

“I will,” He whispered, squeezing her hand weakly once more. Eliza leaned down, pressing a kiss to his forehead as the doctor walked in.

“It’s nice to see you awake, Mr. Hamilton,” He smiled, walking towards the bed as Alexander moved out of the way, letting him take a look at his son.

“Still running a fever, but he seems to be alert,” He spoke as he worked, Philip’s eyes gently closing once more, exhausted from everything going on around them. 

“Philip, do you know where you are?” He began, holding his chart in his hands as he looked at Philip expectantly, hoping he’d be able to answer.

“New York,” He answered after a slight hesitation, his words slurring.

“Do you remember what happened?” Eliza bit her lip as she waited to hear what her son would say, fearing he would remember it all.

“Someone shot me,” He whispered, his eyes closing briefly. Eliza had thought he had drifted back off to sleep until she realized that he was just trying to recall what had happened, pushing past the haze the medications had left him in.

“It hurts,” He whispered again, Eliza biting her tongue to not lash out at the doctor, beg him to do something to help her son.

“You’re doing well, Philip. I’ll get you a little more medicine for the pain,” Dr. Jones smiled, looking over his chart as Philip blinked, trying to understand everything going on around him despite feeling out of touch.

“The police are coming by soon to talk with you about what happened and where to go from here. I’ll be back in soon to check on Philip. His fever has stayed stable for now, and his scar seems to be more or less the same as before.”

“Is that good or bad?” Glancing back at the hospital bed where her son laid with his sister standing next to him, Eliza wasn’t sure when her head would feel like it wasn’t drowning.

“It’s not bad,” He began, Dr. Jones taking a deep breath before continuing. “His body is fighting the infection currently, but there’s no telling how much longer his body can fight the infection at this intensity.”

“So even though things are going well and he’s awake and talking to us, there’s still a chance we could lose him?” Alexander questioned, his hand running through his hair, mostly out of anxiousness in anticipation of the answer.

“Unfortunately, yes. Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton, I assure you we’re doing everything we can. We just need to hope that the antibiotics begin working today, and we’ll be able to get him through this. He is by no means out of the woods yet, but it is encouraging that he’s been awake a few times and has been able to speak a bit and answer some basic questions,” Dr. Jones explained, looking between the two parents. 

Eliza wondered how many times Dr. Jones had given news like this to parents. News that while their son had seemed to be doing better, he could still die. Or worse — news that their child wouldn’t be coming home with them in the end like they had prayed for.

She can’t imagine her life without Philip. Life without her eldest son around the house, helping his younger siblings with their homework.

So instead of crying tears that were no longer able to flow after the past 24 hours, Eliza grabs her husband’s hand, squeezing tightly as she prays.

Prays that her son’s body begins accepting the antibiotics.

Prays that she won’t be one of the mothers who hears that their son won’t be coming home with them.

Prays that Philip will survive the night.

Prays that she and her family has the strength to get through this all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So they've gotten some encouraging news, but Philip is still not out of the woods.
> 
> Thank you so much for all of the support! More next Sunday! :)


	5. five.

“I’m going to try to do this as quickly and as pain free as I can,” Dr. Jones began, pulling on gloves as the tray of supplies sat next to him. Eliza sat on the other side of her son, unable to hold his hand now that they were getting ready to change the dressing. She had been warned that it would be difficult to watch, but the thought of leaving her son while he was going to be in this much pain was too much for her to go through.

So instead she found herself at his bedside while Alexander and Angie had gone to find food, hoping that the distraction would be enough for the two of them. 

“It’ll be all over soon, sweetheart,” Eliza whispered, feeling helpless as she couldn’t hold his hand, his splint in the way due to the doctor being on his good side. Philip just nodded at his mother’s words, choosing to focus on his breathing, his mind still clouded from the medications.

“I’m going to clean the wound quickly and then re-bandage it. You’ve got pain medicine in your IV right now, but I’m ready to give you more should you need it,” Dr. Jones promised, handing some bandages to the nurse who was there to help.

As he began peeling the bandage back and Philip’s scar was exposed to Eliza for the first time, she isn’t sure how she doesn’t faint. It’s an angry red, puffy from the infection he had been battling since he arrived. It looks sore to the touch, and immediately Eliza’s heart shatters, knowing that in just a minute when the doctor touches it, her son is going to be in a world of pain.

“Here we go, Philip, hold still for me and take nice, deep breaths,” He encouraged, Eliza combing her fingers through her son’s hair, praying that it would keep him calm.

When he cried out in pain on the first touch she did the only thing she knew to do at that moment, beginning to sing songs that she sang when he was much younger, just loud enough for him to hear it.

“Make it stop! Mom, make it stop, please!” He cried out, Dr. Jones working feverishly to clean it as quickly as possible, finally grabbing the bandages to cover it once more.

“I’m all done, Philip. You did a good job. Do you want something more for the pain?” He questioned, earning a nod almost immediately from the boy who seemed more alert than ever. Dr. Jones promised that he’d be right back as he disappeared to get the medicine, leaving Philip and his mother alone once more.

“I am so proud of you, my son. You were so brave,” She whispered, walking around the bed to hold his hand again, leaning down to press a kiss to his feverish forehead.

“Don’t let them do that again,” He whispered, his words drawn out as Eliza smiled, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

“Everything will be better soon, I promise,” She mumbled, humming softly until his breathing evened out once more.

—

Sitting in a private waiting room just down the hall from where Philip laid with his sister beside him felt too far for Alexander.

After their brief meeting with the doctor Alexander was more worried than anything. He knew better than to get his hopes up when it came to health, but with Philip awake and talking, he had a glimmer of hope that things were okay. That they were going to leave this hospital sooner rather than later with Philip, and things would go back to normal.

He was quickly realizing that that wasn’t the case.

“Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton, thank you for taking the time to meet with us. We know that this is a difficult time for you and your family,” After shaking both of their hands two police officers sat in front of them, Alexander zoning out when they had introduced themselves.

“As you know, your son was shot a few days ago. It happened just outside the library. Do you know a man by the name of George Eacker?” The one that looked like a sheriff questioned, Alexander glancing towards his wife before shaking his head.

“I don’t remember Philip ever mentioning his name. Did he say he knew him?” A quick shake of the head from the officer didn’t ease Alexander’s mind, fearing that his son was being targeted because of him.

“According to a few witnesses that we were able to talk to, Mr. Eacker had targeted your son. Apparently they got in an argument, Mr. Eacker didn’t like what your son had said. When your son refused to apologize, Mr. Eacker pulled a gun out and shot him,” Alexander could only squeeze his wife’s hand, her gasp indicating what they all felt.

“Did anyone know what they got in a fight about?” Alexander wasn’t sure why he wanted to know. He knew it was an unimportant detail, that right now it didn’t matter. It wasn’t going to change that his son was still fighting for his life, and could die any moment because of what this young man had done to him. He just hoped that maybe it would ease his mind if he knew.

“A few people who heard them said that Philip was defending you, Mr. Hamilton. Mr. Eacker had said something against you and Philip took exception to it,” The sheriff’s lips were in a thin line, Alexander sighing as he shook his head.

“Mr. Eacker was taken into custody shortly after the incident, and he is cooperating with us. I know this is a difficult time, but we’ll keep you informed with everything going on with the trial as much as we can. We just wanted to inform you now,” He explained, shaking both of their hands once more before leaving, the couple the only two in the room.

“Philip was targeted,” Eliza’s eyes widened as she turned to her husband, fear etched across her face, much like it had been since they had heard the news.

“He’s in custody, my love. He’s not getting away with this,” Alexander whispered, letting silence fall over the room for a moment, holding his wife close to his side.

“This was my fault. Philip was defending me. This wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t say something Eacker didn’t like,” Alexander knew he was being unreasonable. Realistically, there was nothing that he or anyone could have done to prevent this, but that didn’t stop him from thinking it.

“There are always people who don’t like what you have to say. Yes, Philip was defending you, but this is by no means your fault, let’s not start that,” Eliza whispered, her head falling onto his shoulder, her fingers still intertwined with his.

While both of them wanted to go back to their two eldest children, being in that moment and taking time to process everything was necessary, and for that moment, everything felt okay and so uncertain all at once.

—

“Unfortunately only one of you can stay with Philip tonight, it’s hospital policy,” Dr. Jones explained to the family as the night grew closer, the sun beginning to set just outside of the hospital window. The sky was painted a warm orange, the kind of sunset that you just wanted to curl up in front of the fire with a good book, cozy inside.

Eliza wished that she was in that moment right now, Philip on the sofa beside her reading his own book.

“You stay with him, Angie and I will get a hotel nearby and come back first thing in the morning,” Alexander immediately spoke with such assurance that Eliza barely had time to process everything.

“What if something happens tonight though?” She whispered, letting herself fall against his chest, praying that Angie was distracted by watching her brother to hear what she had just said.

“Then we’ll come right back, and we’ll be here until the end. The three of us.”

“Angie,” Eliza whispered, her mind immediately going to the worst scenario, where her daughter would watch her eldest brother die.

“Will be okay. This will all be okay, my love. We’re going to get through tonight,” He promised, and somehow, Eliza believed it.

As Angie and Alexander got ready to go find a hotel nearby, Alexander lingered near his son’s bedside, taking in his features, a small thought making him worry that this could be the last time.

“We’ll be back in the morning, my son. Keep fighting,” He whispered, leaning down to press a quick kiss to his forehead, his thumb stroking against his cheek.

As he walked out of the room with his eldest daughter right next to him, Alexander prayed that tomorrow they would walk into the same hospital room and Philip would be alive, back closer to his normal self.

—

It was nearing midnight when Eliza realized that Philip was once again waking up, her mind too busy to sleep herself. Walking over to the bed she carefully sat on the edge, reaching out once more to take his hand in hers.

“Philip?” She questioned, speaking quietly so she didn’t scare him, watching him gently come to, his eyes still glazed over from the medication.

“Mom,” He mumbled, squeezing her hand gently, Eliza squeezing back.

“I’m right here, baby. You’re okay,” She assured him, glancing at his monitors as if she would understand what they all meant, just grateful that his heart rate seemed normal.

Without even thinking about it Eliza made her way up to his head, laying down next to him, grabbing his hand once more. Philip only pulled himself closer, his head resting on her shoulder as he took deep breaths. Eliza took a moment to just savor the moment, ignoring the warmth from his forehead through her shirt.

“You’re doing so well, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you. So are Dad and all of your siblings.”

“Did Dad and Angie leave?” He questioned, his eyes opening and closing periodically, fighting to stay awake.

“They went to a hotel, only one of us could stay. They’ll be back in the morning,” She explained, Philip nodding gently.

“Don't want to die,” He whispered a few minutes later, Eliza’s breath catching in her throat. While she knew the severity of his injuries and the infection and both her and Alexander were well aware that they could still lose him at any moment, she didn’t think that Philip really had any sense of just how sick he was.

“You’re not going to die, baby. You need to keep fighting, okay? I’m right here, I’m not leaving until you leave this hospital with me. You’re not going to die on me,” Her voice shook with each passing word, squeezing her son’s hand just a little tighter as she pressed a kiss to the top of his head, his curls now a tangled mess.

“Love you.”

“I love you too, my sweet boy. Now sleep, I’ll be right here in the morning.”

As Eliza fell asleep that night she listened to her son’s heart monitor, the beeping staying steady as he took even breaths, the medications bringing him some relief so he could sleep.

It was enough to assure her that they would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long chapter because I couldn't find a place that made sense to cut something out! Philip is becoming more alert, and Alexander and Eliza find out more about the attack.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, hope you guys are still liking it! As always, updates every Sunday!
> 
> xo :)


	6. six.

Alexander and Angie walked through the now familiar halls of the hospital with bags of food in their hands for them and Eliza, the two of them hoping that when they walked back into the room Philip would be awake and much better than he had been when they left the night before.

What they weren’t expecting was to walk in and see Eliza curled up in the hospital bed with her son lying against her, both sleeping peacefully for the first time since he had been shot just a few days before.

"Do you think she slept with him all night like that?” Angie whispered, setting the drinks down on the table before she spilled them, her eyes switching to look at her dad.

Alexander didn’t even have to contemplate the question his daughter had just asked him, because in all the years he had known Eliza, he knew she would do anything for her children.

“Yes, she did,” He whispered, pulling his phone out to take a picture of the moment before walking towards the bed to gently wake his wife up.

“It’s visiting hours already?” She whispered, gently untangling herself from her son, climbing out of bed to eat what they had brought back this morning, enjoying the fact that it wasn’t something from the hospital cafeteria.

“How was your night?” Alexander questioned, taking a bite of the bagel he had bought, the three of the just off in the corner of the room where they were still able to see if Philip woke up.

“It was okay,” She began, glancing towards her daughter as if to say she’d rather talk about it later, not wanting Angie to hear anything that she had to say, “He slept most of the night, which was all I could really ask for.”

“Did you lay with him all night?” Angie questioned, almost as if she didn’t believe her father when he had said that Eliza had, knowing his wife far too well.

“I did. He needed it, I think. Helped him calm down and sleep,” She smiled, drinking her coffee carefully as she glanced back at her son, who was still asleep.

There was so much she needed to do and think about when it came to her other children and having them come in to the city, but right now she much preferred to live in this moment where her son was was doing a little better, they were eating breakfast, and things were beginning to feel like they were looking up.

—

“I took this this morning when Ange and I arrived,” Alexander smiled as both he and Eliza sat in Dr. Jones’ office, waiting for an update on how their son was doing. Angie had once again decided to stay with Philip, who was now awake and talking with his sister, already feeling more alert than he had been the day before.

Eliza only smiled, realizing that he caught a real moment, where she looked so worried for her son and had been willing to do whatever to make him feel better.

Alexander did the only thing he hadn’t done since arriving in the city, which was check Twitter. He wasn’t surprised when all of the news outlets were reporting about his family, although he wished they hadn’t turned into tabloids despite the little information they had been given.

**@ABCNews: Alexander Hamilton has gone silent, are things worse than he’s leading on?**

**@NBC: Philip Hamilton shot two days ago, silence from the Hamilton’s. Are things worse?**

**@FOXNews: With gun control on the hot seat, the Hamilton’s have gone silent following Philip’s shooting. What’s going on?**

“They think he’s died,” Alexander spoke, reading through more tweets as they waited for the doctor, feeling his blood pressure rising. “I’m tweeting the picture.”

Before Eliza had a chance to even attempt to protest despite knowing she would lose Alexander furiously began typing out a tweet, attaching the picture.

**@A_Hamilton: Contrary to rumors, my son Philip is alive and stable. Thank you for your concern and well wishes. [Picture]**

**@A_Hamilton: I’m very lucky to still have my son after what happened. I realize my family are a part of the lucky few that can say this. These gun laws need to change. I will not stop until they do.**

“Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton, I just wanted to go over Philip’s condition with you as we have a little more of an idea of where to go from here,” Dr. Jones began, taking a seat at his desk as he looked at both Eliza and Alexander, who were now holding hands as they hoped to hear some better news.

“Philip’s fever has reduced. Yes, he still has a fever, but his body seems to be reacting to the stronger antibiotics, and his fever is going down, which is the most important thing,” He began, Eliza’s eyes widening, unable to contain the shock that she was feeling when she heard those words.

“Does that mean the infection is going away?” Alexander questioned, Dr. Jones keeping his face even as he nodded.

“It does. We have no reason to think that it’ll come back as long as we keep up with the antibiotics and monitor his fever, but it seems like his body is finally battling it and winning.”

“Could he still die?” Eliza hadn’t intended to ask the question in that way, because she knew the logistics. She knew her son had been shot once and the bullet ripped through his torso. She knew the extensive damage that it had caused, and how lucky they had been to even have him survive the first night, let alone the second. But things were finally looking up, and she didn’t want to have hope when it wasn’t really there.

“It’s still possible that we could lose him from the infection, but I’d say your son is going to survive this. He’s doing well, and we’re past the most critical stage,” He explained, letting a small smile appear on his face when he spoke to them. 

“Our next steps to getting him through recovery is to start him on a liquid diet. Just ice and water first, we want to make sure his body can digest properly and is healing correctly before we start him on anything else. That’ll begin in a few days, for now we’ll keep him nourished through his IV,” He explained speaking as if it was another language to both Alexander and Eliza, who were just doing their best to keep up with everything. 

 

As Dr. Jones left the room to see another patient the two of them turned to each other, tears in both of their eyes. “He’s going to live, Betsey, he’s going to live,” Was all Alexander could manage, leaning over and holding her close, letting his tears fall freely.

 

“Last night he told me he didn’t want to die. That’s how scared he was, Alexander. He was so upset, but he was there, it was him talking to me and not the medications. He just kept saying that it hurt and he didn’t want to die,” Eliza recalled the night before and how heartbreaking it was to listen to her son, who had never been so scared in his life, confess something that he truly felt was going to happen.

 

“And now he’s not going to, Betsey,” Alexander whispered, his thumbs wiping away a few stray tears.

 

This was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are finally looking up! 
> 
> More visitors will be coming next chapter, and there will be more Philip as well :)
> 
> thank you so much for all of the support, it means so much! 
> 
> another update next Sunday :)


	7. seven.

“It’s just ice, Philip. You love ice,” Angie sat cross-legged at the edge of the bed that Philip had moved into, finally out of the ICU after a four day stay. They had taken him off of the heavy medication, leaving him closer to the Philip they knew, the Philip they had been so used to.

“I know I do,” Philip mumbled, his eyes staring straight at the cup in his hands, trying to convince himself to just have one.

“Angie, please leave your brother be, he’ll have some when he’s ready,” Eliza intervened from the corner where she had been checking up with her phone, arranging where her other children and their Aunt Angelica would be staying when they arrived later that afternoon, Eliza and Alexander both agreeing that Philip had made enough progress for them to come.

“Are we sure my stomach is ready for this? Like, a bullet ripped through it, how do we know that I’m really ready to be drinking things?” Philip looked over towards where his parents were sat, ignoring his sister’s eye roll from just in front of him, and his mother’s wince at the choice of words he had decided to use to describe his injuries.

“Philip, if the doctor didn’t think you were ready she wouldn’t have let you try it. It may work, but it also may not. We won’t know until we try,” Alexander smiled, looking up at his son, who just nodded.

“Philip, sweetheart, if you get sick from this then we'll just wait and try again. It’s not the end of the world if this doesn’t work out today, you had a major stomach injury and it’s still repairing itself, it’s fine,” Eliza had always been the voice of reason, Philip nodding as he took a deep breath, putting a piece of ice in his mouth.

“Finally,” Angie muttered, earning a glare from both of her parents, Philip gently kicking her as he sucked on the piece of ice, trying not to think about what would happen if his stomach wasn’t ready.

“All of your siblings will be here in a few hours,” Eliza smiled, looking up from her phone once more, texting her sister who had just managed to get on the train with the other five children.

“Are they going to come visit me tonight?” Philip questioned around the piece of ice in his mouth, rubbing at his eyes in an effort to stay awake longer than the few hours he had become so used to the past few days.

“If you’re feeling up to it. Your Aunt Angelica said they want to, but we’ll see how you’re feeling. That can always wait until tomorrow morning.”

“I want to see them,” Philip smiled, Eliza just nodding back, realizing how useless it was to fight with her son on this topic.

She was just grateful that they were able to have this conversation at all.

—

“You know, we have to talk about his schooling and what we’re going to do,” Alexander spoke in a hushed whisper, both Angie and Philip asleep as Philip tried to shake off the queasy feeling he had after eating more ice earlier that morning.

“Do you think he’ll be ready to go back in the spring?” Eliza questioned, Alexander immediately shaking his head.

“His arm won’t be healed by then, and his stomach will probably still be healing. I don’t think I want him that far away if he’s not fully recovered,” Eliza immediately agreed with her husband, fearing that if she let Philip that far away again things would end up much worse.

"I don't think he's going to be that easy to convince about not going back,” Eliza laughed, glancing at the bed where her two eldest children laid, their other five children joining them soon. “He wants to finish school so bad, he’s not going to think about how hurt he is and how long it’s going to take him to recover.”

“He’ll have to listen to us and the doctors. I know he’s 19 and realistically we can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to, but this is different.” 

The conversation drew to a close as the two of them let the room fill with only the sounds of Philip’s monitors once more, Eliza taking a moment to reflect on everything happening.

Things were turning a corner, but now they were dealt with new obstacles, and for the first time, she wasn’t sure she had any answers.

—

“We have to be quiet, Philip might be sleeping,” Eliza held Elizabeth in her arms as the rest of the children trailed behind both her and Angelica. Eliza had walked to the entrance of the hospital to meet up with the rest of the family, who she felt like she hadn’t seen in months.

“Is he okay, Mama?” William questioned, his hand grasped alongside Angelica’s, Angelica giving her sister a sympathetic smile. 

“He’s not very well now, William, but he’ll be okay. He’s very excited to see all of you,” Eliza hadn’t thought about how she was going to tell all of her children about Philip, save for the fact that he was injured and it was going to be a while before he was okay. Angelica had talked to the older children briefly the night they had left in a flurry, fearing that they wouldn’t find their son alive when they arrived, but this felt different.

Eliza reminded her children to be respectful and quiet while in the hallways, finally making their way to the end room, opening the door quietly, Alexander smiling to the doorway.

“There’s the rest of my children!” He smiled, standing up to hug all of them, pressing a kiss to Elizabeth’s cheek as she clung on to her mother. Eliza could only smile as she turned her attention to the bed, Philip obviously just waking up, not looking as well as he did that morning.

“You okay?” Eliza questioned, leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead and letting Philip kiss his sister, Eliza not missing the shrug that her son had tried to hide.

“Just feel sick. It’s okay. Please let them stay,” He whispered, his eyes pleading as Eliza sighed, nodding quietly. Now that he was more alert he had just wanted to see his siblings, and Eliza couldn't bring herself to cancel the visit and just focus on her oldest son.

“Lizzie, did you want to sit with me?” Philip questioned, looking at his little sister in his mother’s arms as she lifted her head, sucking her bottom lip in.

“Philip, you can’t hold her right now,” Eliza sighed, Philip turning his attention back to his mom.

“She can sit right next to me,” He began, patting the spot on the bed, “It won’t hurt me, and it’ll only be for a little bit.”

“Elizabeth, do you want to give Philip some cuddles?” Eliza questioned, Elizabeth nodding, letting her mom set her down next to her brother, making sure they both were comfortable.

“Philip, can I sign your splint?” As Eliza went to sit back down next to her husband she couldn’t help but laugh at John’s question, Philip smiling as all his siblings crowded around, wanting to see their brother and talk with him.

“Maybe when I get the real one you can. You all can, but I’m getting a different one than this, so we won’t sign this one,” Philip spoke softly and carefully, in a way that Eliza and Alexander had come to know as him speaking through the medications. He was fighting through the pain and to stay awake, but for the first time, he looked at peace being with his whole family.

**@A_Hamilton: Family time after a difficult few days. [Picture of all of his children together]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now the whole Hamilton family are there! They'll be in this a little more from now on :)
> 
> thank you for all of the kudos and comments, it's more than I ever expected and I can't thank all of you enough for the support!
> 
> another update next Sunday! (:


	8. eight.

For just over an hour, all of the Hamilton’s were in a room together, and everything seemed almost as if it was back to normal.

Philip had managed to keep up with most of the conversations his siblings were having all at once, speaking with each of them as much as he could. It was only when Eliza realized that her son was drifting off and clearly fighting the medications in an effort to stay awake, wanting to be with his siblings for as long as possible that she decided to start wrapping things up.

“Alright, time to go to the hotel with Aunt Angelica for the night, your brother needs to get some rest,” Eliza stood up, walking over to where all seven of her children sat, corralling them to start getting ready to leave the hospital for the night.

“Angie is going with you, John. You’re going to all be together and you can come back tomorrow when your brother is awake again,” Eliza promised, gently lifting Lizzie from her brother’s side, letting Philip press a quick kiss to her head before she left.

After rallying them all and letting them say goodbye to Philip it was once again just the three of them in the room, Alexander leaving soon to join Angelica back at the hotel to help with all of the kids while Eliza stayed with Philip for another night.

“You feeling okay?”Alexander questioned, taking a seat in an empty chair next to his son’s bedside, carefully watching his demeanor as he struggled to get comfortable once more.

“Everything still hurts,” He confessed, looking between both of his parents, “I feel sick, too. I think it’s from the water. I don’t think I’m ready.”

“And that’s okay, sweetheart. You're going through a lot right now, no one is expecting you to be healed right away. We’ll try the water again tomorrow,” Eliza encouraged, Philip just nodding.

By the time the doctor had come to check on him Alexander had gone back to the hotel and Philip was half asleep, letting the doctor give him some more medication before falling asleep fully, his mom’s hand resting gently in his, her singing voice echoing quietly through the hospital room he was growing used to being in.

—

Eliza was beginning to realize that it had been almost a week since she had been outside, even just to get some fresh air.

Everything that she needed to do had been done from the hospital, whether it was eating, showering, or sleeping. She had been afraid of leaving Philip in fear that something would happen to him while she was gone, and she wouldn’t be able to comfort him. They were away from the most critical stage in his recovery, but nothing felt safe to Eliza, who was sure that she wouldn’t feel okay until he was leaving that hospital with her.

“Did they ever find George?” Philip questioned, a cup of water in his hand once more, his hand tilting it back and forth without really drinking much of it.

“What?” Alexander questioned, looking up from his phone where he had been answering emails and keeping up with work back in DC, somewhere he had no intentions of going to until his son was out of the hospital, his needs coming first.

“I know it was George that shot me. I remember him being there. Did they ever find him, or is he still like…free?” Philip questioned, more alert than he had been the past few days since he had been moved into a normal ward.

Eliza and Alexander shared a small glance with each other, Philip noticing it, glancing down at his cup.

“Please be honest with me. I want to know. So much of all of this has been a secret to me, just please let me know this,” He pleaded, Alexander sighing.

“They arrested him that night. He's being charged with a few things, but he’s not getting away with this,” Alexander sighed, Philip nodding.

“Do you remember anything else?” He questioned, ignoring his wife’s glare from across the bed, realizing that she did not want to have this conversation right now.

“Not really,” Philip shrugged, looking between both of his parents. “I just remember that I was walking and he came up to me and asked me to apologize. I didn’t, and he got mad. I don’t even remember him pulling out a gun.”

“Do you remember if anyone was with you?”

“Alexander—“

“I think Theo was. I don’t know, maybe I was going to meet up with her?” Philip thought about it, Alexander’s eyes widening.

“Theo Burr?”

“Yeah, we have class together. We usually study in the library in our free time,” Philip smiled, Eliza stepping in before this got out of hand.

“Why don’t we try some more water. It’s been a few days, Dr. Jones thinks you’ll handle it better this time,” She urged her son, checking her phone as Angelica had texted her, letting her know when she’d bring the kids up for a visit.

Philip sighed as he brought the straw up to his lips, taking a small sip before bringing it back down, his eyes falling to trace the IV tubes that ran out of his forearm and up to the IV bags beside him, clearly trying to distract himself.

“The semester is pretty close to being over, right? Like, I missed a week already? Which means we have two weeks left. Do my teachers even know where I am?” To Eliza and Alexander that was a silly question, because Philip had been plastered on every news site they could think of. But Philip didn’t know, he hadn’t had access to anything in the outside world since that day.

“Your teachers know where you are. Your father is meeting with all of them tomorrow to discuss the end of the semester.”

“I want to be there, can they come here?”

“I don’t think you’re in any condition to sit through a meeting. Philip, you fall asleep in the middle of conversations with us. I will handle it, and we’ll sort out a plan that’s going to work best for you,” Alexander promised, Philip sighing.

“I don’t think I’m going to be ready to go back in the spring,” His voice sounded timid as he spoke, his eyes focused in his lap, his splinted arm resting gently against the pillows on his legs.

“Dr. Jones said you may be ready, it depends on how well your recovery goes. We’ll have to take baby steps, but it’s a possibility you’ll be ready for spring semester,” Eliza encouraged, her hand gently rubbing his leg in an attempt to comfort him.

“No,” He began, his eyes finally meeting his mother’s, a sense of worry in them for the first time since he had really become alert a few days ago, “I mean, I don’t think I’ll be healed by then anyway, but even still I don’t think I’ll be ready to be on campus again.”

“What do you mean, son?” Alexander questioned, reaching out to take the cup of water from him, his now free hand falling to play with the blanket.

“I mean, I’m scared to go back. I know George is gone and everything, but I don’t know when I’ll be ready to be on campus again, if at all.”

Eliza found herself speechless as she looked at her husband, his face filled with concern as he studied his own child, realizing just how serious he was. This wasn’t the reaction they expected for Philip, who always was eager to get back to what he was doing as soon as he possibly could.

“Philip, if you don’t think you’ll be ready to go back, your mom and I will not make you, whether you’re physically ready or not. We are going to help you through all of this, and we don’t want you feeling comfortable in any way,” Alexander began, his hand reaching out to take his son’s.

“But what if I’m never ready?” Philip questioned, his eyes finally meeting his father’s, Alexander’s heart shattering for the first time since those first few nights when everything felt so uncertain.

“Then you, your mom and I will sit down, and we will discuss what comes next. But right now we’re going to focus on getting you to keep water in your system without being sick, then sitting and eventually walking, and then home to start physical therapy. We will do anything to get you better, son,”Alexander promised, Eliza nodding along with everything her husband had said.

It was then that the two of them realized they weren’t only battling the physical recovery, but his mental recovery as well.

“You’re going to be okay, sweetheart,” Eliza whispered, watching her son lean back, focusing on keeping the small sip of water down.

Eliza felt helpless, just wishing that someone would give her the answers she needed to make her son feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise! i'm going to try updating twice a week now, especially since you guys are loving this as much as you are! update days will be Thursday and Sunday!
> 
> so Philip is admitting that he doesn't know if he's going to be ready to ever go back to campus. do you think it's a phase?
> 
> another update again on Sunday :) thank you for all of the love!


	9. nine.

Walking into the hospital room that was beginning to feel like home, Alexander was eager to see his wife and son. Angie, Angelica, and the rest of the children were out in the city looking at the Christmas decorations that were being put up, leaving him just enough time to talk to his family about Philip’s schooling.

“What did they say?” Before Alexander could even get so much as a hello out Philip was already asking questions, both of his parents laughing as Alexander took a seat.

“You’re getting final grades from all of your teachers,” He began, pulling out his phone to see what he had written down, “Your math teacher is just going to average your test scores to put as your final grade, your English teacher is just stopping your grades now and excusing you, and your history and communications teachers plan on adding in some extra points from things you’ve done this semester to give you your final grade,” He explained, Philip sighing in relief as he leaned back once more, smiling.

“So we won't have to worry about any sort of work when he’s better?” Eliza questioned, watching her husband shake his head.

“They were all very understanding of the situation, obviously, and didn’t think it was fair to ask him to complete the work a few months down the line,” Alexander smiled, Eliza nodding as she leaned forward, rubbing her son’s leg.

She wasn’t sure why this came as such a relief to her, but to know that her son had people on his side who were willing to help was the most loving part of all of this.

She truly felt like they were beginning to see the light at the end of a very long, very dark tunnel.

—

Alexander found himself in the smallest waiting room the hospital had on that floor, his phone pressed to his ear as he listens to Aaron Burr speak about what’s going on in Washington.

All he really wants is to see Philip after spending the night at the hotel with his other children, but then he realizes he’s been away from all work commitments for a week, and decides that this is important enough to talk now.

“They want to start pushing gun laws, now. Take it to legislature, try to get a bill passed as soon as possible,” Burr speaks evenly, Alexander’s hands pushing through his hair.

“I can’t be there now. Not with Philip like this,” He rations, trying to think of any possible way for this to happen in a few weeks, when Philip would at least be a little better, and maybe even out of the hospital.

“I understand, Alexander. I want this to pass just as much as you, but you’ve been directly effected by the lack of gun laws in this country. Your story has the most impact.”

“There’s no way that we can delay this a few weeks? At least let me see Philip make more strides before I come back to DC?”

“Alexander, there’s no way. I’ve done everything I can to stall them, but it’s not working. They want to do this now, and I don’t blame them. Although I know you wish they could figure something else out,” Alexander understood where Burr was coming from, because no one wanted gun laws passed more than himself. But he did want to see Philip and the thought of going back to DC without him was terrifying.

“I’ll figure something out and call you back,” Alexander promised, hanging up and walking down the hall, trying to calm himself down before he was back with his wife and son, praying that Philip was still doing as well as the night before.

“He threw up the water again,” Eliza gave him a small smile as she looked towards the doorway when he walked in, Philip just holding her hand, a cool towel draped over his eyes and forehead.

“Neither of us slept much, and he’s still really not feeling well. Dr. Jones gave him some nausea medicine just a bit ago, but it hasn’t quite taken effect yet.”

“Then now probably isn’t a good time to tell you that Burr just called me,” Alexander began, taking his usual seat at his son’s bedside, rubbing his leg to let him know he was there.

“What did he want?”

“They want to start pushing gun laws this week. They expect me to be ready to be in DC to pass gun laws. Like, right now,” His voice stayed even despite Eliza being able to tell how upset he was about this. Philip slowly lifted his hand to remove the towel from his eyes, now able to make eye contact with his father.

“You’re going, right?” He questioned, his voice timid and quiet, his eyes barely parting.

“Philip, not with you like this, I couldn’t leave you.”

“I’m okay. I’m getting better. And Mom and Aunt Angie are here to stay with me. I want you to go,” Philip spoke slowly, his words slurring from the medications they had him on.

“You’re not okay, but you’re right, you are getting better. But I couldn’t imagine leaving you right now,” Reasoning with his 19 year old son had never been easy, but even now, despite all the medications, it was proving difficult, Philip adamant about his decision.

“I want you to go, Pa. I want you to pass gun laws so no one has to go through all of this anymore. I don’t want anyone else to feel this pain,” Philip whispered. He had always been sympathetic to other people’s feelings, and this was no exception. Alexander glanced at Eliza, who was contemplating what she wanted him to do.

“How long would you be in DC?” She questioned, watching her husband pull out his phone to look at the calendar.

“Four days, tops. Just enough for me to meet with everyone, make a speech about gun control, and maybe hear the verdict. I’d come back as soon as I possibly could,” He promised, now wondering if he should go.

“What if you brought Alex, James, and John home with you? They’re capable of staying home together while you’re at work, and that way Angie and Angelica only have to worry about William and Elizabeth so I could be here with Philip.”

“That sounds perfect,” Alexander smiled, his attention turning back to his son, who was fighting to stay awake to listen, “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

Philip managed a small smile, nodding. “Go home and fix these laws.”

Alexander pulled out his phone, finding Burr’s number and dialing it once more, stepping out into the hall.

“I’ll be home tomorrow, tell them I’ll be ready to speak.”

—

With the night drawing closer and Alexander’s trip back home coming as well along with the rest of the boys all the children piled into the room that night, Philip feeling a little better than he had been that morning. 

He spent most of his time listening to his siblings talk about everything they had done in the city that day together, and how excited they were for Thanksgiving the next week. Philip hadn’t even remembered Thanksgiving was so soon, and when he noticed both of his parents expressions as John spoke, he could tell they hadn’t remembered either.

“Philip, do you think you’ll be able to eat Thanksgiving dinner with us?” John questioned, looking towards his older brother as Philip sighed, carefully moving his arm to get more comfortable.

“I’m not sure, buddy. But we can all still have Thanksgiving together, even if I have to watch you guys eat all the food,” He smiled, William’s face scrunching up.

“That’d be mean, Philip,” He whined, Philip laughing softly, ignoring the pain it brought to his stomach.

“It’s okay, we can redo Thanksgiving when I can eat,” He promised, everyone agreeing.

“Seems like quite the party in here,” Dr. Jones smiled as he walked into the room, Angie helping William and John move out of the way so he could get to Philip’s bedside, “I just came to check your brother over, is that alright?” He questioned, earning nods from the other six children.

“Have you tried anymore water since this morning?” He questioned, attaching the blood pressure cuff to his arm, watching Philip shake his head.

“I want you to try again tonight before you sleep. If you start feeling sick again we can always just give you more nausea medication, but you’re going to have to try eventually. I know it’s frustrating and nerve-wracking, but your stomach will heal with time,” He promised, writing on his chart as Philip sighed, letting his head fall back against the pillows.

“Plus, I want to get you up and sitting and eventually walking within the next few days, so hydration is important. And then you’ll be one step closer to being able to go home,” He smiled, checking his other vitals, glancing down at him.

“You think I’m ready to sit and walk?” He questioned quietly, watching him smile.

“I think you’re getting close. It’s all trial and error with this recovery. I don’t want you to push yourself, but I do think you’re ready to start making more strides. Your pain is being managed, you’re alert more than you have been. It’s all a slow process, but you’re doing well, and I’d say you’re right on track.”

After answering a few more questions from Eliza and Alexander Dr. Jones had excused himself from the room, Eliza turning back to her son.

“Big steps are being made in the next few days then. Sitting and walking?” She smiled, Philip just nodding.

“Just don’t want it to hurt,” He whispered, nervous about talking about all of this in front of his siblings.

“They’ll give you medicine to help, don’t worry about it. I bet by the time your brothers and I are back in a few days you’ll be walking these halls like normal,” Alexander laughed, Philip smiling, hoping that his dad was actually kidding, and he wasn’t expecting that much from him.

And while things were looking up, there was still so much ahead of them. They were just taking it one step at a time and relying on each other to get through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so Alexander is going back to DC! How do you think the speech will go?
> 
> i'm going to try to post on Sundays and Thursdays now, so look for two updates a week. if you missed it, i did post this past Thursday so make sure to check it out!
> 
> Thank you for all of the support as always! :)


	10. ten.

Philip had been feeling more alert than ever, but with that also came the realization of just how long he had been in the hospital, and how serious things were.

What he was also beginning to realize was that his mom hadn’t left the hospital since she had arrived that first night, staying diligently by his bedside, ready to help him with whatever she needed.

So when his Aunt Angelica had forced her to take a nap while Angie took William and Elizabeth to the family playroom down the hall, he was grateful to see that his mom was at least getting some sleep, even if she wouldn't leave him to do it.

“You okay?” Angelica questioned, watching her nephew stare at nothing in particular in the room, having just woken up from a nap himself.

“Yeah, just sore,” He mumbled, using his good hand to rub his eye, growing used to having to do things with an IV stuck in the back of his hand.

“Do you want some water?” Philip only shook his head as he sighed, Angelica resting the cup back down on the tray just to her side, where Philip would still be able to reach it should he want it.

“You really scared all of us, you know,” Angelica began, reaching forward to take her nephew’s hand, thankful for the one-on-one time she got to have with him since she had arrived a few days before.

“I know. I didn’t mean to, I didn’t think he’d shoot me.”

“I know you didn’t, sweetheart. What matters is you’re going to be okay. It’s not going to happen overnight, or even in a matter of weeks, but you will eventually be back to your normal self,” She encouraged, Philip just nodding. 

“I just don’t want to worry my parents anymore. They’ve sacrificed so much staying with me and they’re always so worried. I know I worried them, but I don’t want to anymore,” Philip sighed, his voice cracking as he tried to fight back the tears, worried that if he cried he wouldn’t be able to stop.

"Honey, they’re worried because they love you. They don’t like seeing their son like this. I don’t like seeing you like this, none of us do. But they really don’t. And they want to do whatever they can to get you better.”

“I just want to go home. I want all of the pain and everything to go away, and I want to be back to normal at home. I don’t want any of this to have ever happened,” Pulling his hand away from his aunt’s grasp Philip wiped away the tears, Angelica sighing as she moved onto the bed, laying down next to him, letting his head rest on her shoulder.

“You’ll be back in DC soon enough, and on the mend. We need to be patient, my love. It’s going to take time, but you’re going to get better. We wish this didn’t happen either, but now that it did we need to take deep breaths, calm down, and focus on getting better. Do you think you can do that?” She questioned, comforting him as best she could as he hiccuped, nodding slowly against her shoulder.

“Philip, if any of us could take away the pain, we would in a heartbeat. But we can’t, so instead we’ll be right here, ready to help you with whatever you need,” Angelica whispered, her thumb gently rubbing against his hand, minding the IV taped across the back.

“Thank you,” He whispered, his eyes slowly closing once more, Angelica singing softly until she felt his breathing even out.

—

“I think this could be it this time,” Eliza encouraged, focusing on her son while Elizabeth sat in her lap, watching her brother carefully.

“I don't know. I’m not really thirsty anyway, can’t we just wait?” Philip questioned, another glass of water placed firmly in his grasp, no sips taken out of it.

“Philip, you're going to have to drink it eventually, why not just try again now?” Glancing at her phone to see if Angie and Angelica had texted her while they were out getting them dinner Eliza looked towards William, who had abandoned his game with his cars to watch his older brother. Eliza sighed, trying to keep her patience with her son that was just as stubborn as ever.

“Philip, drink it! It’s just water,” William smiled, pressing his hands into the side of his brother’s bed as he stood on his tip toes, trying to get a glimpse at his older brother.

With a small roll of his eyes Philip brought the cup up to his lips, catching the straw in his mouth and taking a small sip, but one that Eliza would consider a victory.

“Yay!” William cheered, pulling himself up onto the bed with a quick jump, settling himself by Philip’s legs, away from any of his injuries.

“Are you afraid to come any closer to me?” Philip laughed softly, still holding the water in his hands as he focused on his brother, William shrugging.

“Don’t want to hurt you,” He mumbled, Philip sighing as he set the water back down, running a hand through his mangled hair that had been pulled up into a bun by his sister a few days before when she used dry shampoo to wash it.

“You won't hurt me buddy, the doctor just gave me some medicine that helps take the pain away. I think I need a cuddle from you though to feel even better,” He smiled, patting the bed next to him, letting his brother carefully lay next to him, barely touching him in fear that he would hurt him despite not meaning it.

Before they had a chance to go back into conversation Dr. Jones had walked into the room, a smile on his face.

“Have you been drinking the water?” He questioned, working around William to take his vitals, Philip nodding.

“Has he?” Turning her attention back to William he teased, William smiling as he nodded.

“He had one sip of water, but I’m gonna make him drink more,” He promised, Dr. Jones laughing, hanging the blood pressure cuff back up.

“Good, you keep making him take little sips at a time,” He smiled, turning her attention between both Philip and Eliza, “How do we feel about trying to sit up for a little right now? No moving, just repositioning your bed so you’re in more of a seated position,” He questioned, Philip’s eyes widening.

“Is it going to hurt?”

“It might, but you’re due for some more pain meds in a little anyway. Even if we just sit up for five or ten minutes, that’s an improvement. Do you think we can try it?" He pushed, Philip glancing at Eliza, who could only give him a small smile.

"We're right here, let’s just try it,” And with that Philip nodded, Eliza standing up to help move William further down the bed to give Philip some room.

After making sure his right arm was immobilized Dr. Jones explained that he was just going to move the bed up slowly, pushing him into more of a seated position. Eliza had placed Lizzie on her hip and made sure that William stayed down by Philip’s feet, Eliza grabbing Philip’s hand to comfort him.

With each movement the bed made into a sitting position Eliza felt the grasp on her hand turn tighter, her thumb soothing him. “You’re doing well, Philip. I’m just going to go a little further and then we’ll leave it,” Dr. Jones smiled, letting the bed move just a little more, leaning forward to check his vitals once more.

“Keep focusing on your breathing, your vitals look good. I’m going to leave and make my rounds real quick, I’ll be back soon. If you need anything just hit the button, okay?” He smiled, Philip nodding as he watched him leave the room, his attention turning back to his family.

“You good?” Eliza questioned worryingly, the expression on her son’s face looking slightly pained.

“It just hurts, but I want to keep sitting. I like sitting,” He smiled softly, clearly focusing on his breathing. While he wasn’t completely in a sitting position like he would be if it was a chair, Eliza had to admit that she was almost emotional seeing him even sitting up like this after the week they had had.

“Oh my goodness, look who’s made strides while we left!” Angie and Angelica walked back in the room with bags of food in their hands for all of them, Philip managing a smile as he nodded, grabbing his cup of water to have another sip.

“Sitting up and willingly drinking the water? What happened to our Philip in the time we left?” Angelica smiled, walking over to press a kiss to the top of his head.

“I’m still here, I’m just ready to leave here so I’m trying to fix my stomach and feel better,” He smiled, Eliza rolling her eyes, pulling out her phone to snap a photo of her son and the milestone he had just reached.

**To: Alexander**

**Your son has hit a milestone! Just a few minutes at a time for now, but look at him go! [picture of Philip sitting up]**

**From: Alexander**

**I knew he could do it. Things are going well here. Speech is tomorrow. Miss and love all of you.**

“Your dad is very proud of you. He’ll be even prouder when he gets back and sees how well you can do this in a few days time,” Eliza encouraged, Philip nodding.

While sitting up wasn’t necessarily a big victory, Eliza was celebrating as if it was the best thing in the world, understanding that a week ago, they weren’t sure they’d even get to this point.

This was the Thanksgiving miracle she had needed more than anything, and so far it was delivering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little milestone for Philip! and some Aunt Angelica time.
> 
> next chapter will be back in DC with Alexander and the three boys, and it will have his speech in it!
> 
> thank you for all of the support on this story, i've honestly been blown away at how much you guys like it.
> 
> More on Sunday! :)


	11. eleven.

Being back at their home in DC with only three of their children was giving Alexander an odd feeling, one that he wasn’t quite sure how he was really feeling about it. One on hand, he knew that he was here for business, but he wanted nothing more than to walk through the front door of their home and be bombarded by all of his children, not just the three that had come back home with him.

He had begun writing his speech on the train ride back to the city, giving himself a few hours where he was able to just focus and write. He was surprised at how easily it was all spilling out, briefly wondering if this was the easiest speech he had ever written in his career.

Final tweaks and a meeting with Burr had left Alexander feeling more than ready to talk with the lawmakers in hopes that he could sway their decision, the emotions building up inside of him enough to make him want to burst and make them realize how things needed to change.

“Dad?” His train of thought that evening at the dinner table had been broken when John looked up at his father, deciding to break the otherwise silent meal, “Is Philip going to be okay?”

It was an innocent enough question from the 9 year old, and one that Alexander had been prepared to answer the past few days. But this time it didn’t sit with him right, especially because his son was asking despite having seen his brother just the day before.

“John, what’s bringing this on? You got to see your brother yesterday, you saw that he’s okay. It’s going to take some time, but he’s going to be okay,” He promised, setting his phone down to properly engage with three of his boys.

“He just didn’t look like Philip,” John shrugged, taking another bite of his dinner, his eyes focusing back towards his plate.

“He seemed like he was in pain, Dad, I think that’s what John’s saying,” Alex chimed in, turning towards his brother to see him nod in agreement.

“Your brother is in a lot of pain, more than he’s letting us know. But he is also very injured. It’s going to take some time before he’s back to the Philip we all know, but eventually when he comes back here to live with us and recover, we’re all going to help him, right?” Alexander questioned, earning nods from the three boys, the silence once more taking over the dinner table.

When Alexander gets the three boys in bed and manages to get ready for bed himself, he can’t help but let the emotions he’s been hiding the past week spill over, letting the tears flow quietly as he thinks about everything his family has gone through the past few weeks.

It only fuels him more to make sure that his speech leaves enough impact to sway the decision the next day.

—

The courthouse isn’t somewhere Alexander thought he would ever feel nervous, not after the countless amount of cases he’s been on since he began as a lawyer. 

But this felt different. 

This trial was directly impacting his family, and for that, he knew he needed to keep his emotions in check.

With one final check-in on his boys at home and his wife back in New York City Alexander took a deep breath, walking into get the debate started, one that he hoped he’d make it through without wanting to kill someone or cry.

“Think you’re ready?” Burr questioned, giving him a smile as he took a seat next to him, Alexander sighing.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” He whispered, the two of them settling in to listen to the other speakers before he spoke himself. 

They heard countless stories of people who had been directly affected by gun violence, whether it was attacks on them or attacks on their loved ones. Alexander found himself tearing up at all of the stories, briefly wondering how he was supposed to compose himself to talk about his own son, who laid in a hospital bed hundreds of miles away, still recovering from the injuries these gun laws had brought to him.

“Secretary Hamilton, you have the floor,” The judge spoke, Alexander taking a deep breath as he stood, making his way towards the podium. He didn’t miss the encouraging pat on the back Burr left him as he walked by him, although he wasn’t sure how comforting it actually was to him.

“Thank you to everyone who has spoken before me for having the courage to share your stories on your experiences with guns in this country,” Alexander began, surprised that his hands were trembling as he glanced down at his speech in front of him, taking a breath before beginning to speak once more.

“As many of you may know, just last week my eldest son, Philip, was shot while studying at Columbia University. One bullet was fired, entering his abdomen on his left side before exiting his abdomen on the opposite side, the bullet lodging in his right arm,” Briefly looking up to see everyone around the room. He knew the emotion had come from the people before him, but he used it to fuel the passion he had for his own story.

“Philip, by some miracle, has survived, but he is considered incredibly lucky. Many others will not be as lucky as we are to still have him with us.”

“As I sat in that hospital room diligently with my son over the past week I have seen him in so much pain that I’ve wanted to take it all away from him. I’ve seen him fight through an infection, the fever taking over his body, almost taking him away from us. I’ve seen firsthand what being a victim of gun violence does to a person,” Alexander swallowed harshly, hoping that for now he could push off the tears.

“This was a planned attack, my son was targeted by another student who did not like what my son had said to him a few days prior. It would be unreasonable for me to stand up here and say that my son will be the last person targeted if these gun laws don’t change. It would also be unreasonable for me to stand up here and say that it couldn’t be any of your children that are victims next if something doesn’t change.”

“We need these gun laws to be stricter for the safety of our children, for the safety of our loved ones. Right now there is no one saying that the wrong person couldn’t get their hands on a gun to commit a mass murder. It takes just a few hours for a gun to be placed in someone’s hands, whether it’s the wrong hands or not,” Alexander spoke with authority, his voice raising with each passing sentence.

“While my family and so many other families around the country learn to live as a family affected by gun violence, we are fueled by the need to change something about this system that doesn’t allow these types of acts to be committed on our land. I stand here today feeling blessed to have my son still with us, despite him being in a hospital bed relearning to do the simplest tasks, such as drinking water or sitting up. It could have ended much differently, just like it has for so many families that are also here today that you’ve heard speak.”

“I urge you to think about the countless stories you’ve listened to today and let that be your guide into helping you realize that these laws need to change, and they need to change now. Our country deserves to live in a country where they feel safe to go outside every day, not one where they are afraid that they could be shot. Thank you for your time,” Alexander concludes, stepping off the podium and walking back to his seat, anxiously awaiting a verdict they had been promised that day.

“You did us proud,” Aaron smiles, Alexander thanking him as he lets his emotions take over, wiping away tears he had managed to hold back while he spoke.

When the judge walked back out of the back room just over an hour later, Alexander felt the breath leave his body, moving to the edge of his seat.

“Per the request of the jury, the decision on the gun laws has been postponed. We will reschedule a date at a later time. Thank you,” Before being able to yield any questions the judge disappeared once more, the courtroom immediately growing restless with what they had just been told.

As Alexander walked out of the courtroom feeling deflated and angry with what had just happened he pulled out his phone, a message from his wife popping up.

**From: Eliza**

**Philip managed to stay awake through your whole speech and watched with the rest of us. He is so proud of you for speaking on behalf of him. We are all so proud of you. They will make the right decision in time. Now hurry back to us, your son has some things he’d like to show you in person. Xo**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to just focus on the speech this chapter, so there isn't much Philip wise, but he'll be back in the next chapter!
> 
> as always, thank you so much for all of the support on this! it honestly makes my day when i see how much you guys are liking it.
> 
> i'll update again on Thursday! (:


	12. twelve.

The time between Alexander and the boys leaving the hospital to when they found themselves back on the train to New York City had felt like an eternity, entirely too long away from the rest of the family. 

Alexander occupied his time by reading reviews on the debate the day before, most of them speaking on the impact the speakers all had on each of them. He considered it a good thing that there was very little backlash of what they had said to sway the jury into making stricter gun laws.

Alexander only had half a mind to stop and get some food for him and the rest of the family to eat together when they arrived back at the hospital, both him and the boys anxious to see Philip again after a few days away. 

As they made their way through the all too familiar hospital halls Alexander led his boys through the door to Philip’s room, now decorated with drawings and cards from his siblings and family members, Alexander’s eyes ignoring all that to focus on what was happening in the bed.

Philip was awake, sitting up, and holding a glass of water in his hand, taking small sips from it. 

“Hi, guys,” Philip smiled, looking between his three brothers and his dad, holding his good arm out for a hug from all of them.

Alexander isn’t sure how he didn’t just cry then.

“I told you he had some things he wanted to show you,” Eliza stood from her chair, walking over and pressing a kiss to her husband’s lips, letting herself sink into his arms, the bags of food in his hands being taken by Angie to distribute to everyone.

“When did this all happen? We were gone for three days,” Alexander questioned, letting go of Eliza to walk towards the bed, rubbing Philip’s shoulder as he pressed a kiss to his hair that was less matted, assuming that Eliza had finally gotten a comb to the unruly curls to help brush them out.

“I sat up right after you left, but now I can do it longer. And the water happened late last night when it was just Mom and I here. I finally didn’t feel sick, so we’re hoping today is just as good,” Philip smiled, Eliza looking back towards her husband.

“They took one of his big painkillers away, so he’s been more like the normal Philip. Still getting pain meds, just not the heavy ones that made him so drowsy,” She smiled, giddy with excitement as she spoke about how well her son had been doing. 

**@A_Hamilton: Came back to New York after speaking yesterday to see my son sitting up and able to tolerate water. Big steps in recovery. [picture of Philip smiling]**

“I bet next week when I am still bringing food I’ll be able to bring you something then,” Alexander smiled, briefly wondering if he’d even still be at the hospital the next week.

“Let’s just take this one day at a time, right? Water now, then we’ll worry about food later,” Eliza acted as the voice of reason, all of them rolling their eyes as they nodded.

As they settled in to eat their lunch and talk with Philip, who was more alert than he had been in weeks, Alexander couldn’t help but think back to the speakers he had heard the previous day who weren’t as lucky as he was right then, and take a moment to thank God that he was able to still have these moments with his son, who had been so close to death just the week before.

—

“I’m not surprised you’re as sore as you are right now, especially since we have you off the heavy painkillers,” Dr. Jones was in to make his final rounds of the night with just Eliza and Alexander in the room, Angie and Angelica taking all the other children back to the hotel they had been calling home, with Alexander joining them just after he spoke with the doctor.

“You sat up for a few hours today, which is good progress from where we were the other day, where you only did total about an hour,” He smiled, looking over his vitals before writing down a new set, this becoming old habit to Philip. “I wouldn’t be surprised if in a few days we have you sitting up for most of the day, maybe even in a chair,” He spoke almost excitedly, Philip just nodding, doing his best to focus on breathing through the pain.

“Do you want anymore pain medicine now, or do you think you’ll be okay through the night? I know you want to get home, but we need to manage your pain through this, and you lying to us isn’t going to help you leave any faster.”

“I’m okay,” Philip whispered, Eliza secretly wishing her son would just take the more pain medicine, hoping that she’d be able to change his mind in a bit. Dr. Jones just nodded, not seeming totally convinced either.

“You can just let us know if you want it in a little,” He compromised, waiting until Philip acknowledged him before continuing, “So, for our next steps, we’re going to work on getting you sitting for longer periods, but I also want to start walking. Not far, just around this room at first, and then eventually in the halls, but it’ll be a big step for you,” He explained, Philip nodding.

“What about eating?” Eliza questioned, her mind racing with everything happening at the moment, his recovery seeming to speed up in front of her eyes.

“I’d say if he can keep water down tomorrow without feeling sick or needing any nausea medicine, we can try some liquids or soft foods the following day. Broth, applesauce, maybe some Jell-O. Introduce foods back slowly before letting him have a normal diet,” He explained, both Eliza and Alexander nodding.

“Obviously physical therapy will begin in a few weeks on both his abdomen and his arm, focusing more on his arm. The bullet came very close to his nerves, and right now we’re not sure what kind of damage it did, if any,” He reminded the family, Alexander deciding that he would speak up then.

“Is it necessary for him to stay here through the recovery once we leave the hospital, or would we be able to bring him back to where our family is in DC?” Alexander and Eliza couldn’t quite believe they were even talking about going home, even if it wasn’t within the next few days.

“We have places in DC that would be able to work with him while keeping up with his recovery from here, so he’d be able to be with your family back home,” Dr. Jones smiled, Eliza noticing that Philip had been smiling as well, listening to how they were almost ready to go home.

After answering a few more questions he left the room and promised to be back if he needed pain medicine, Alexander also said his goodbyes for the night, promising he’d bring everyone back first thing in the morning to see him before they went out in the city for the day.

“He talked about me going home, Ma, we’re almost in the home stretch,” Philip whispered after the main lights had been turned off and Eliza sat at his bedside once more, just like she did every night until he would fall asleep.

“It’s still going to be a while, Philip, but I know. We’re going to be able to bring you home soon, and you’ll be in your own bed in DC with all of us there to help you,” She whispered, rubbing his arm as he nodded, taking a deep breath.

“I’m ready to be home,” He whispered, his voice trailing off as he began falling asleep, Eliza feeling a smile creep up on her face.

“We’re just as excited to bring you home, sweetheart,” She whispered, beginning to sing until his breathing evened out, the monitors beeping steadily, proving that he was still alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so Philip is making huge progress! He'll be going home soon, do you think it'll go well?
> 
> thank you for all of the kudos and comments and bookmarks, they honestly make my day!
> 
> another update on Sunday!


	13. thirteen.

Eliza and Alexander stood on either side of the bed where Philip laid, only Alex and Angie in the room, Angelica taking the rest of the children to a museum in the city for them to continue learning.

It had been exactly two weeks since the shooting, and today was the day that Philip was finally going to take his first steps again, even if it was with the help of the people around him. 

After spending the past few days sitting up for longer periods before making it most of the day the day before, Dr. Jones felt confident that they were going to make huge strides, at least getting him to sit up in the chair for an hour, maybe longer depending on how he was feeling.

“We are going to take this very slowly. If you feel any pain at all, you need to tell us. We don’t want to have a setback in recovery,” Dr. Jones instructed, his eyes focused on Philip, letting him know how serious he was. Philip only nodded, currently trying to process everything happening in his mind.

As Eliza and Alexander helped their son in a sitting position on the bed, Philip’s good hand grasped tightly in his mother’s, Alexander’s arm firmly around his son's back, supporting his weight almost completely, Philip still weak.

Angie and Alex watched from the far corner of the room, content with staying out of the way and letting their parents help, Philip’s groans of pain enough to worry them into staying back and letting the doctors be able to get to him.

The few steps Philip took to get to the chair just near his bed were the most terrifying part for Eliza, who held her son’s hand as tightly as she could, encouraging him with each step he managed to take, promising him that he was almost there.

"Mom, it hurts,” Philip gasped, letting Alexander help him sit down in the chair, Dr. Jones walking just behind them, situating his tubes and monitors so they weren’t tangled.

“Can he have anything for the pain?” Eliza questioned, her hand still firmly grasped in her son’s, her thumb caressing the back of his hand gently.

“I’ll give him a little more pain medicine right now. It’s going to be sore, Philip, we’ve got to work your muscles again. They haven’t been worked in a while,” He explained, leaving the room for a moment before coming back with medicine, inserting it into his IV.

“I’m going to step out for a little, just focus on your breathing. If you need me for anything at all, just hit the button,” After being satisfied with his vitals Dr. Jones excused himself from the room, leaving the family to all focus on Philip once again.

“You okay, buddy?" Alexander spoke up first, his eyes full of concern as he took a seat on his son’s bed, his eyes not leaving where Philip now was.

“Yeah, it feels a little better now that I’m sitting and not moving,” He whispered, holding his hand out for his water, Angie handing it to him on her way to move closer, Alex trailing just behind his sister.

Eliza felt compelled to help the nurse who had come in to change the bed sheets before making her way to her purse, pulling out a comb. She made her way back to where Philip was sitting, watching a movie with his brother and sister on the television hanging from the wall.

“Let me at least get some of the knots out,” She whispered when Philip began to protest, watching him sigh in defeat as he relaxed back against the chair, only wincing when she would pull too hard.

Satisfied that she untangled everything that she could she let her body rest only briefly next to her husband at the small table, taking comfort in the fact that right then, things were better than they had ever been.

Philip was sitting up in a chair sipping water, his fever only lingered minimally, and he was making strides she was afraid they’d never get to see happen in the first place. It was unthinkable how much had changed in a few short weeks, when the prospect of losing him was all too fresh in their minds, leaving them to piece through every difficult challenge to arrive at this moment, the moment that made them finally feel like they were getting somewhere.

Coming this far in recovery hadn’t come without it’s challenges, and as Philip began being weaned off the heavier pain medications, Eliza would be lying if she said she didn’t sit up late at night and watch her son sleep fitfully, worried that they were pushing him too much, that there was too much happening at once. But then she reminded herself that, despite fitfully, her son was asleep, his pain was still being managed, and overall things seemed to be doing so much better, and she realizes that it’s all okay.

As she caught bits and pieces of the movie and struggled to keep up with their home life through the calendar on her phone Eliza fell into a sense of normalcy, almost as if her routine of caring for her children and sorting out schedules was back the way it was before all of this happened, before their lives had changed.

Her momentum was only interrupted almost an hour later when she heard Philip groan, looking over to see him fidgeting in the chair, a small grimace on his face.

“Philip, what’s wrong?” She questioned, earning her husband’s attention as he looked up at her before turning to Philip, letting his work stay untouched as he stood up.

“Son, what do you need? You need to tell us what we can do to help you,” Alexander spoke softly and calmly, making his way to his son’s side, Eliza standing up shortly after to join him.

“I think… I think I need to lay down,” He whispered, his eyes opening to look up at his father, Alexander nodding without saying a word. He made his way to his son’s bed, pressing the nurse’s button before returning back to his side, letting his hand card through his son’s curls, now much more under control after Eliza had brushed through them.

Dr. Jones appeared in the room only minutes later, instructing the family on how to help Philip, supervising as they slowly but surely returned him back to his bed, getting him comfortable once more.

“That was a good effort today, Philip. We’ll go for more tomorrow. For now I’ll give you some pain medicine, and then I want you to rest,” He smiled, letting the nurse take over, giving him his pain medicine and checking his vitals before leaving them be.

“You alright, sweetheart?” Eliza questioned, bringing the chair back to his bedside as she leaned forward, grabbing his hand like she had done so many times before.

“Everything just hurts. I know it means I’m getting better, but I just don’t want it to hurt,” He whispered, his eyes closing as he focused on his breathing.

“It’ll be okay, my love, the pain won’t last forever,” She whispered, feeling like a broken record as she watched her son slowly drift off to sleep, his hand still wrapped around hers.

Eliza let the quietness of the room settle for just a few moments, savoring the moment she had with her three eldest children and her husband, everything finally starting to get better.

—

“Thanksgiving is in a few days,” Alexander shut his laptop and looked towards his wife as the sun set just outside the window, both Alex and Angie sat against the wall on the sofa with their headphones in, watching videos.

“He’s not going to be home like we hoped he would be,” Eliza sighed, her hand running through her hair before effortlessly pulling it up, reminding herself to wash it that night when she showered.

“The kids have been so excited about it, I don’t know what we’re going to tell them,” She continued, Alexander standing up to bring his chair closer to his son’s bedside, thinking over their options.

“We could always have Thanksgiving here,” He offered, Eliza scrunching up her nose at the idea, an idea that seemed so unconventional.

“In a few days time he should be eating some sort of food, even if it’s just liquid. At least if we celebrate here it’ll give him a sense of normalcy, although he won’t be eating what we are,” The reasoning was all there, and as the idea sunk into Eliza’s brain, she wondered if this was the perfect answer.

“But isn’t that kind of mean to eat a regular Thanksgiving dinner in front of him?” She questioned, Alexander laughing at how she had considered how Philip would feel about it all.

“My love, I think he’ll just be happy to eat any kind of food with us, even if it’s not the same thing,” He promised, his eyes meeting hers, a sense of hope lying beneath them, “But, we could always redo Thanksgiving when he’s home with us, just to make things complete.” He offered, Eliza nodding.

“I never thought we’d be eating Thanksgiving dinner in a hospital,” She whispered, leaning forward to watch her son, still sleeping peacefully, light snores escaping his body. Her mind flashed back to the first night in the hospital, when his normally tan skin was as pale as the sheets he laid on, and shuddered just thinking about how close they were to losing him.

She then thinks about how she is going to fall asleep in the chair again tonight, and the next day she will wake up and Philip will still be alive.

She’s positive that even the prospect of a takeout Thanksgiving dinner could dampen how happy she is that she still has her son with her physically, even by the slimmest of margins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big strides for Philip! Thanksgiving is up next, which basically means more family time! 
> 
> thank you for all of the feedback on this story, as always, I always get so excited when I see it in my inbox/on the actual story itself.
> 
> another update on Thursday! (:


	14. fourteen.

“I’ve got a few rotisserie chickens, some vegetables, a salad, stuffing, and tons of drinks,” Alexander walks back into the hospital room where his family had set up camp for Thanksgiving, Alex and James trailing behind him, helping carry the bags.

“And for you, we got different kinds of Jell-O, applesauce, and some broth,” Alexander smiled as he looked towards Philip, who was sat up in bed with Lizzie tucked into his side carefully, minding his wound.

With Angelica back in DC with her family Eliza took to dishing out the plates for all of her children, walking over and taking Elizabeth from Philip’s side, sitting her at the table with her siblings so Philip had some space to eat with his good hand.

“Some broth and applesauce first, Jell-O when you finish,” Eliza smiled, handing him a spoon and his makeshift dinner, helping him situate the tray in front of him so he was comfortable, watching him take a sip of water. “Do you need to move at all before you start eating?” She questioned, Philip shaking his head.

With a few days of practice under his belt Philip was beginning to be able to sit up for longer periods of time, even managing to go on a few short walks around his room. His steps and movements were slow and extremely calculated, but each time he persevered Eliza and Alexander found themselves choking back tears, remembering how they were once afraid they’d never get to this point.

“Chicken isn’t normal Thanksgiving, Momma,” William mumbled, looking up from his place at the table as Eliza sighed, setting a cup of juice down in front of him.

“It’s not, baby, but we couldn’t find any turkey here near the hospital this close to Thanksgiving. When Philip is feeling better and he can eat this food with us we’ll try to redo Thanksgiving with actual Thanksgiving food,” She promised, going back to her normal chair with her plate of food, Alexander saying Grace before they all began eating.

“Philip, chicken?” Elizabeth spoke above the chatter, wobbling as she leaned up on her knees, holding a piece of her chicken out towards her eldest brother. Philip could only smile at the sentiment, shaking his head as he took another bite of his applesauce.

“I can’t eat that right now, Lizzie, it’ll make my belly hurt. Maybe in a few more days I’ll be able to have some though, okay?” He explained, Lizzie frowning before nodding, going back to eating her own dinner.

“Philip, will you be able to eat like us again soon?” John questioned, William perking up.

“When will you come home with us?” He tacked on, Philip sighing as he glanced at his parents, praying that they would stay out of it so he could finally field the millions of questions his siblings must have had.

“Hopefully soon I can eat normal food again, and then I’ll be able to come home. I hope it’s all really, really soon,” He whispered, finishing off his applesauce and leaning back in the bed, letting his eyes shut briefly, taking everything in for a moment.

There were a lot of things about what had happened that Philip didn’t understand. He didn’t understand why it had to happen to him, he didn’t understand why Eacker felt this was the best way to go about things.

But what he really didn’t understand was how he managed to live.

Based on what the doctor had told him, he knew he shouldn’t be alive. A bullet ripped through his abdomen and lodged in his arm, and he managed to live.

He wasn’t sure how much he’d be able to use his arm in the future, although it was still there, and that was a bonus.

Eating and drinking and walking were all some things he was learning again, but eventually he’d be good at that again too, and the only thing that will remain as a reminder from that day will be the scars, both mental and physical.

He hasn't had a chance to see the scars on his stomach, but judging by his parents reactions each time they watch the nurses do the dressing changes, he isn’t sure he’s ready to see it. He knows it’s large, feeling the pain each time they clean it out, the burning feeling as if it’s lasting a lifetime.

The memories of that day are forever etched in his mind, and occasionally, on nights he asks not to have another dose of pain meds and he falls asleep himself, he sees that day replay in his mind, and wakes up in a sweat. The heart monitor beeps a little faster, but every time his mother has stayed asleep, and that’s a victory in his own mind.

Philip isn’t sure if the nightmares will ever go away, or if it’s something he’ll have to live with once he’s off the heavy medications that block out the vivid memories, but either way they leave him terrified. He remembers that day so well, and while it’s almost two weeks in the past and he’s made so many strides, it serves as a constant reminder of what happened, and how he managed to escape death by the narrowest of margins.

He’d be lying if he didn’t find himself lying awake some nights after his mom had fallen asleep, thinking about everything. He thought about if he should talk to someone about the nightmares, but then he always notices Eliza and how exhausted she looks, and remembers that he doesn't want to put her through any more pain than he already has. He doesn’t want his family to have to suffer anymore at his expense, and he starts thinking of ways he can get past it alone.

He opens his eyes once more to see his siblings chatting, their voices carrying through the stark hospital room he had grown so accustomed to. Glancing towards the windows he noticed the warm sunset and the trees on the city sidewalks slowly losing their leaves, the red and green falling to the ground in preparation for another long winter.

The sun sets in the horizon of the city, and Philip briefly thinks about what it would be like to go outside, to feel the cool air on his face. It’s been so long since he’s seen the outdoors, he thinks about asking his mom to take him out the next day, even if it’s for a few minutes.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” Philip is broken out of his trance by his mother, her hand gently resting against his shoulder, her other hand setting a cup of orange Jell-O in front of him. 

She’s been his rock through all of this, never leaving his side, constantly worrying about how he was doing. Philip thinks he’d find it a little annoying in any other circumstance, but now he welcomes it, answering her every concern with ease, aching to calm her mind just as she wanted to calm his.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” He whispered, his eyes glancing up to meet hers, a smile genuinely on his face. Eliza only smiled back, leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead, her hand running through his curls that desperately needed to be tamed once more.

“We are so proud of you. And we are so, so thankful that we still have you here with us,” She whispered for only him to hear, Philip feeling his face flush as his head fell, a smile still evident on his face.

“I am too,” He whispered, and somehow, that conveyed everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a cute Thanksgiving chapter! I tried to show more of Philip's feelings in this one :) Sunday's update brings some more updates on Philip's condition and a very special guest ;)
> 
> thank you guys so much for reading! it honestly means the world and i know i say that all the time but i genuinely mean it! 
> 
> see you guys on Sunday! (:


	15. fifteen.

Turning the recliner to face the windows so he could look out on the city, Philip found himself back in the familiar position, focusing on his breathing and sitting up for longer periods of time. 

It had been almost two weeks since the shooting, and Philip wasn’t completely sure how he was feeling. The pain was still there, not that he thought it would be leaving any time soon. He was definitely more mobile than before, but all that really left him with was exhaustion at the end of it all, barely able to hold a conversation with anyone in the room.

“This has to be the most old man thing you’ve ever done. Sit in a recliner and stare out the window,” His thoughts were quickly overshadowed by a voice other than his mother’s in the room, turning his head to see Theo Burr standing there, a smile on her face as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“What are you doing here?” Holding his arm out for her to come hug him she could only laugh as she reciprocated, taking a seat in a different chair across from him, setting her bag down. Philip barely heard his parents excuse themselves from the room, giving the two teens some time alone.

“I figured if you weren’t going to come to me, I guess I’d have to come and see you,” She smiled, leaning forward to take Philip’s hand in hers, holding gently, “In all seriousness, I’m really glad you’re going to be okay.”

“Me too,” He whispered, letting his head fall back against the headrest, squeezing her hand gently.

“I planned on coming to see you sooner, but when I talked to my dad he said that your dad said you weren’t doing well, and then I went home for Thanksgiving. Speaking of, what did you do?”

“We had Thanksgiving in this room, but I can’t eat anything like that yet, so I just had broth, applesauce and Jell-O,” Philip smiled, Theo giggling as she shook her head, leaning back in the chair.

“Interesting Thanksgiving,” She pointed out, Philip nodding. 

“I’m going back to DC when they finally let me leave here,” Philip whispered, breaking the silence that fell over the room, refusing to meet Theo’s eyes. They had spent a better part of fall semester getting close, and while nothing was official, Philip wanted her to be his. He had planned to ask her on a date, but then Eacker changed things.

“I figured you weren’t going to finish this semester.”

“I probably won’t be at spring semester either, though,” He mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper as he sighed, just barely catching Theo’s shocked expression.

“What do you mean?” She questioned, concern etched in her voice as she watched the boy she had been growing feelings for stare past her, back out the window to the bustling city.

“I mean, a bullet ripped through my abdomen, Theo. Sitting up like this is taking all of my energy. I’m not going to be ready to be back on campus by spring,” If that wasn’t the only reason he wasn’t planning on being back he doesn’t say it out loud, not wanting Theo to know just how scared he was.

“So you’ll be in DC the whole time?” She asked, waiting until Philip looked at her to hear the answer.

“There’s therapists and doctors down there who are going to help me get the strength back in my arm and my stomach and make sure I’m healing okay. I’m just switching doctors so I can be with my family.”

Philip isn’t surprised when the room is silent once more, but he is surprised when Theo begins to speak.

“I guess it’s a good thing my dad is in DC full time then. I’ll have a place to stay when I come back home to visit.”

Philip can only smile at the girl in front of him, wondering how he got so lucky to meet someone as amazing as her.

—

“Small bites, focus on your chewing and swallowing,” Standing in the room just as dinner was brought up Dr. Jones instructed, Philip staring at the eggs in front of him, reminding himself not to panic.

He was only slightly comforted by the fact that the only two in the room at that moment were his mom and Dr. Jones, Alexander having taken all of the other children out to get some dinner for themselves, understanding that his son wouldn’t want everyone watching him.

“I’ll be back in to check on you, but I’d say if we can keep this down with no nausea, you’re very, very close to being released,” Stepping out of the room Philip turned towards Eliza, a look of eagerness on his face. 

“You are so, so close, baby. Let’s just worry about eating this, okay?” She smiled, Philip nodding as he grabbed the fork, saying a small prayer before taking a bite, focusing on chewing.

Eliza had wanted to badly to tell him that chewing normally would suffice, but as she watched her son focus on each bite as if it was the most important thing happening in the world, she didn’t have the heart to tell him. She was just glad to see him eating at all.

“Are we going to go right back to DC when they let me leave?” Looking towards his mom in between bites Philip questioned, now more excited to talk about leaving than ever.

“If you feel like you’re ready. Mr. Washington has offered to let us use his plane to get home so you can be comfortable, but if you would feel better waiting a few days, we can do that too,” Just wanting her son to have options Eliza explained, Philip shaking his head.

“I think I’m going to want to go home. Take a shower, sleep in my own bed. I miss it when I’m at school, but I really miss it now,” Between the talking and the television that was on in the room Philip hadn’t noticed that the plate of eggs was now gone, and so far, he wasn’t feeling any side effects.

“You do know how proud we are of you, yes?” Eliza smiled, lifting up the cup of water to hand to her son as she pushed the tray away, taking a moment to study his features.

“You have fought so hard and are going through so much, and we couldn’t be prouder of you,” Eliza spoke, Philip just smiling, unsure of what to say.

“I know this road isn’t going to get any easier for you quite yet, but when we get to bring you home, all of us are going to help you in whatever way we can. You are not alone in this,” She whispered, Philip nodding as he let his head fall back against the pillows, his good arm draped protectively over the bandages from the shooting, a reminder of all that had happened.

“I know, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough,” He smiled, Eliza just laughing, wiping underneath her eyes at a few tears that had managed to escape.

“You may be older now and getting ready to go out on your own, but you will always be my little boy, and I will always be here for you.”

Philip could only nod, letting himself drift off knowing just how loved he was, his family willing to do whatever it took to bring him home with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theo has come to visit! She won't be in this too much, but I thought it'd be a nice break-up of this being a mostly just family story every once in a while. 
> 
> Philip also began eating solid foods again :) big things are happening, which means we're closer to him going home! ;)
> 
> i've made a tumblr, it's whatisa-legacy.tumblr.com :) i've posted one Jasmine/Anthony blurb?/fic?, but i'd be open to writing other pairings, they're just the one that i found easiest to write for this :) please let me know if you guys like it/would want to see more!
> 
> more on Thursday! as always, thank you so much for reading/leaving comments/kudos! it's meant the world this whole time i've been posting this, i honestly didn't expect this response at all :)
> 
> see you Thursday! (:


	16. sixteen.

“Can we please go for a walk, Mom? I’m feeling really good right now,” Philip sat up in bed with his arm propped up on pillows, his eyes pleading towards Eliza just as they did when he was much younger and asking to do something that he usually wasn’t allowed to do.

“Philip, you just got off the IV medicine, let’s wait just a while longer until we’re sure that you’re feeling okay,” Reasoning with her eldest was something that never came easy, but with all of his pain medicine being switched over to being taken orally, Eliza was understandably worried that this was all suddenly moving just a little too fast.

Philip had only sighed in defeat, leaning back against the pillows as he nodded, deciding to not argue with his mom. Eliza took that as a small victory, unsure if she was able to muster up the energy to argue with him now that he was more alert.

It had been just four days since he had began eating normal food again, and if possible, Eliza saw her son back. His energy was getting closer to his normal self, he seemed to be more alert, and everything about him had changed. Eliza had a feeling being off the heavy pain medication was helping with all of this, although she liked to think it was also the weeks of lying in a hospital bed being forced to rest that also helped.

In the end she held out for just over an hour before finally giving in to her son’s requests, helping put the sling on to stabilize his arm and getting the all clear from Dr. Jones. Philip slowly got out of bed, using only the IV pole for support as they made their way out into the hall, Eliza standing just next to her son in case he needed her.

While his steps were still cautious and all made sure to not aggravate his still healing injures their pace had definitely quickened since the first time they had taken to the hallways, each step just a bit quicker than the last time.

“You doing okay?” Eliza questioned, watching her son with pride as he walked alongside her, happy to see him nod.

“I want to go outside,” He smiled, a look of determination on his mind, only causing Eliza to laugh, shaking her head.

“That’s a little far right now, you’ll get too tired walking all the way down there, and you’re definitely not dressed for it. Soon though, sweetheart,” She promised, Philip just nodding, turning back to go back to his room.

“I was just coming in to check on you and see how you were doing,” Dr. Jones smiled as he met them in the doorway of the room that had turned into home, a smile on his face.

Waiting until Philip was back settled in bed before he checked him over and looked at his vitals once more, Dr. Jones grabbed his chart, smiling.

“So, after having you in our care for two weeks, getting you back to walking and eating, I think it’s time for us to take our next steps in this recovery process,” He began, placing his pen back in his pocket before looking between Eliza and Philip, a smile on his face.

“We’ve set you up with doctors and therapists down in DC that are going to continue to help with your recovery. Now, as much as it hurts me to say because you were such a perfect patient, there is nothing more we can do for you here. You’re ready to go home,” He smiled, Philip’s jaw dropping in shock, Eliza quickly wiping tears from her eyes before her son noticed.

“I can’t formally release you until the morning because we need one night of observation after getting you off of the IV pain medication, but if you have a good night tonight, you’ll be released in the morning.”

“Oh my gosh, thank you,” Philip whispered, earning a laugh from the middle-aged man, who gently let his hand rest against Philip’s shoulder.

“You’ve been patient and worked hard at hitting all of these milestones. The only thing left to do is to show you how to change dressings, which the nurses will do in a little while when they come in. Other than that, you’re going to feel much better being in your own bed and receiving care with your family there all the time. We’ve even seen some patients have their recovery go smoother at home because they are in a familiar place with familiar people,”He smiled, Philip nodding.

“Do you have any other questions?”

“Can I go outside? Just for a little bit!” Philip pleaded, Eliza laughing as she looked at her son, who was completely serious. Dr. Jones could only laugh as well, glancing at Eliza before turning back to Philip.

“If I let you go outside, I’ll have to get you some scrubs to wear to keep your legs warm, and a few blankets. You’ll have to go in a wheelchair because, although you’re doing well and gaining your strength back, the trip downstairs to the courtyard is a little far for you to be walking right now. If you agree to all of that, I’ll let you go outside for a little while. Not long, but enough to let you have some fresh air,” He promised, Philip nodding.

While Dr. Jones went to get the nurses to help Philip waited in anticipation, giddy to go outside for the first time in weeks. Eliza was admittedly excited as well, having been in the hospital for just as long, afraid to leave her son’s bedside.

Just after Philip had gotten settled into the wheelchair Alexander had walked in with drinks for both him and Eliza, quickly seeing that something major is going on.

"What on Earth is happening here?” Alexander questioned, pressing a kiss to Eliza’s head as she handed her some coffee, turning his attention back to his son, who was sat in front of him, letting the nurse help him with what was left on his IVs.

“I get to go home tomorrow! And we’re going outside!” Sounding so much like a kid on Christmas morning Philip relayed the news to his father, watching his eyes widen at what he was just told.

“Tomorrow?" He questioned as he turned towards Eliza, who could only bite her lip and nod, unable to keep the smile off of her face.

“You guys are free to go for a walk, just let us know when you're back so we can help you get back into bed and settled,” The nurse smiled, letting Eliza take over pushing the wheelchair, Philip taking everything in as they passed things by on the way to the elevator.

“So, you ready to leave here tomorrow?” Alexander smiled as he leaned against the wall in the elevator, just taking in his son, who was bundled up in blankets, scrubs and a hat, ready to go outside.

Philip just nodded, unable to wipe the smile off his face as he looked up at his dad, fixing his arm that was still in the sling to be more comfortable. “I just really want to sleep in my own bed and eat your food,” He explained as he looked up towards Eliza, who just nodded.

“When we get back and I get some food in the house I’ll make you whatever you want,” She smiled, Philip nodding.

As they made their way through the hospital and out to the courtyard, Eliza wasn’t prepared for how chilly it was going to be when they went through the doors. “Are you okay? It’s a little colder than I remembered,” Eliza questioned as they made their way to a bench, sitting down so they could see Philip better, Eliza instinctively leaning forward to wrap the blankets a little tighter around him.

“I’m okay, it feels good,” He smiled, Eliza nodding. The three of them just took in the outdoors for a bit, both Eliza and Philip experiencing it again for the first time since the shooting, something that felt so far away at this point. 

“Are we going to go to our actual home tomorrow, or are we going to stay here for a night and then go?” Philip questioned after letting the silence fill the air for a few minutes, looking up at both of his parents.

“We’ll probably stay here one night just to make sure everything is okay, and then we’ll fly home the next day. I know you want to get home, but we want to make sure everything is perfect before we go,” Alexander explained, watching his son nod, his head falling back towards his lap again, where he was bundled by blankets.

“I’m excited to go home, but I’m also nervous,” Philip mumbled, just barely heard by his parents, who weren’t sitting far from him. 

“Why are you nervous?” Eliza was concerned over what Philip was saying, realizing that all he had been wanting was to go home the past few days, and now that it was becoming a reality, he seemed more timid.

“Being on the IV for medicine made it work so much faster. The pills don’t work as fast and I don’t want to be in pain all the time,” He mumbled, his fingers playing with a frayed end of the blanket, sighing. 

“Sweetheart, we're going to manage your pain just fine, I promise you that. Your body just has to get used to being on the pill pain medicine. And we’re going to help you with everything else, I promise.”

“I’m going to work from home more to help you with what you need. We’re going to help you through this. If you feel like you need stronger pain meds once we get home then we’ll talk to your doctors. We’ll find what works best for you to help manage your pain so you’re comfortable,” Alexander promised, and that was enough to make Philip feel more at ease with the whole transition about to happen.

As they made their way back upstairs and Philip was helped back into bed to take a well deserved nap, Alexander couldn’t help but to take to Twitter, letting everyone know just how blessed he was at that moment. 

**@A_Hamilton: Today: Outside for some fresh air. [picture of Philip smiling]**

**@A_Hamilton: Tomorrow we bring our son home from the hospital. Still a long ways to go in recovery, but a big step coming home. A sincere thank you to all of the doctors and nurses who saved his life and gave us this miracle.**

**@A_Hamilton: Now to get these gun laws passed so no one else needs to live through what we’re living through.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he's going home! how do you think it'll go? this was a very Eliza/Philip/some Alexander centric chapter obviously, but the rest of the kids make an appearance in the next chapter! (:
> 
> as always thank you so much for reading this and leaving comments/kudos!
> 
> more on Sunday!
> 
> whatisa-legacy.tumblr.com :)


	17. seventeen.

Philip can’t remember the last time he was so excited about something.

As he patiently waited for Dr. Jones to come in and take one more look at him before formally releasing him, he briefly wonders if he’s getting too excited for something that may not even happen. 

He had spent the morning getting the stitches taken out of his elbow and a more permanent splint put on his arm. He had gone through various different tests by other doctors, making sure that he would be okay to be out of doctors care at all times and back at home recovering. It was exhausting for him to say the least, but now all he could think about was whether or not today was the day they’d let him leave.

“I see someone is very ready to go home,” Dr. Jones smiled as he walked into the room, grabbing Philip’s chart from the edge of the bed, reading over from the night before.

“Your vitals were stable all night and this morning, which is good news,” He smiled, walking a few steps forward to take a new set of vitals himself, Philip trying to not get too excited. 

“I think it's time I let you go home,” Dr. Jones stated, letting his stethoscope rest back across his shoulders, Philip smiling. “I’ll go over the procedures now so that when the nurses come back in to get you ready you can leave.”

“Try to stick to foods that are light and easily digestible for the first few weeks, your doctors back home will tell you when they feel like you’re ready for a bigger diet,” He began, Eliza quickly taking notes on her phone, not wanting to forget anything despite knowing that they’d also give her papers on what to do.

“Your dressing needs to be changed every day, which you and your parents all know how to do. Obviously look for signs of an infection, the puffiness and pain around the incision. Even though you’ve been clear from the worst of the infection, it could still come back. Which brings me to my next instruction,” He looked at Philip with a stern face, “Take all of your medications when you’re supposed to. This recovery will not go smoothly if you don’t.”

“I will,” Philip promised, sounding and feeling so much younger than he was.

“The biggest instruction I have for you is to rest. Your body went through two major surgeries on your arm and stomach, as well as fighting a serious infection. Things are not going to just come back overnight. This is going to take time, and the best way your body will recover is if you rest as much as you can,” Hearing those instructions was difficult for Philip, who always had trouble just being still, but he agreed anyway, knowing he had no other choice.

“Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. For saving my life and helping get me back to being closer to my normal self,” Philip whispered, leaning his good arm up to shake Dr. Jones’ hand, who smiled as he reciprocated.

“If you are ever back in the area feel free to come to me for anything at all, you’ve been a pleasure to have as a patient considering all circumstances,” Dr. Jones smiled, looking between the three who sat in the room, the rest of the children at the hotel eagerly awaiting for the rest of the family to arrive.

One more quick thank you from both Alexander and Eliza and Dr. Jones stepped out of the room. The nurse came in a few minutes later, beginning to take off all of Philip’s monitors and IV leads, bandaging up where his IV once was in the back of his hand. “That’ll probably leave a good bruise since you've had it so long, but it’s okay,” She smiled as she stuck the tape on, Philip smiling as he nodded.

“I’m going to let your parents help you change out of the gown, but we can’t move that arm too much,” The nurse smiled, Philip turning to where his parents were, Eliza bringing over a pair of his sweatpants and a t-shirt, a jacket for him to wear as well on top.

Carefully removing the sling from her son’s arm Eliza made sure to do everything with ease, not wanting to cause her son any more pain. Gently helping him stand up Alexander helped him get his sweatpants on before letting him sit on the edge of the bed, Eliza grabbing the shirt she had brought for him, hoping that it would be baggy enough.

“You have to tell us if this is hurting you, Philip, yes?” She questioned as she walked back to stand in front of him, Philip nodding. The nurse had made her way back over to the side, ready to assist in any way should they need them.

Gently slipping the hospital gown off of her son’s body her eyes couldn’t help but be drawn to the bandages covering a good portion of his torso, a reminder of everything they had fought through to get to this point. She quickly broke out of her trance when she noticed her son beginning to shiver, wanting to get him back bundled up quickly.

“Let’s start with his good arm first. Philip, do not lift it above your shoulder, it’ll hurt you if you do,” The nurse instructed as she watched Eliza slide his shirt onto his good arm, Alexander supporting his son’s back in case he lost his strength.

Moving onto his arm that was splinted Eliza gently moved the sleeve over his wrist, being extra careful as she wrapped around his elbow, knowing that was where he had had the surgery. She finally made it up to his shoulder before helping him pull it over his head, gently situating it against his torso. Philip’s face only looked mildly pained as they slid the sling back on, making sure his arm was immobile. The nurse had stepped out to get his wheelchair, leaving the three of them alone once more.

“Are you alright?” Eliza questioned, letting her hand push back the curls away from her son’s face, watching him nod slowly.

“I’ve brought a lot of medication, some forms for you guys to sign, and your wheelchair. You all ready to go?” The nurse questioned as she handed the release forms over, Eliza and Alexander both signing them as Philip looked up at the nurse, nodding.

“We have a car waiting out front.” 

Transferring Philip to the wheelchair took no time, and as Alexander and Eliza gathered the countless amounts of cards and flowers they had received over the two weeks, Eliza couldn’t help but get emotional over finally leaving the hospital with her son coming with them.

As they got him in the car and began driving the short distance to the hotel everything began to sink in, Philip’s head resting against her shoulder, focusing on his breathing as he watched the city slowly go by around him.

Nothing felt normal, but everything felt okay. And that was what mattered.

—

“I’ll take the wheelchair upstairs, but I want to walk into the room,” Philip looked up at his parents as they made their way through the lobby, Alexander sighing, just nodding in defeat at his son, who just smiled.

By the time they had made it up to their floor it was a losing battle for Alexander and Eliza, Alexander leaning down to help Philip out of the wheelchair. Philip waited until he felt better before walking, Alexander opening the door to the hotel room.

What they weren’t expecting was to open the door to find the whole hotel suite they had been living in decorated for his welcome home, handmade cards and posters hanging from the wall.

“Philip’s here!” John announced, all the children running out of the rooms they had begun calling home to see Philip walking towards the sofa. Eliza dropped their things in the doorway before bringing the wheelchair over to the edge of the sofa, just in case Philip needed to get up.

“Be gentle, let him sit first, same rules apply as the hospital,” She told her children, Philip leaning up for hugs from all of them, Alexander situating a pillow under his son’s arm to immobilize it and get him comfortable.

“You can have your pain medicine,” Eliza smiled as she let her children be, walking towards the makeshift kitchen in the hotel room she was seeing for the first time. Angelica was standing just by the counter, a smile on her face.

“All of your babies are back together,” She smiled as she pulled her sister in for a hug, Eliza collapsing in her arms, a smile on her face.

“Thank you for everything you’ve done to help us. I can’t thank you enough for all of this,” She whispered, Angelica gently rubbing her back.

“Peggy couldn’t come up to be here, but she’s more than ready to help us when we get back to DC. We’re not leaving you just because Philip is getting better,” She promised, Eliza nodding.

As she brought her son his medicine and a glass of water she walked back to where her husband was sat just away from their children, watching all of them interact, Philip struggling to keep up with everything going on around him.

“This is what we’ve been waiting for,” Alexander whispered, pulling his wife into her side and kissing the side of her head. Eliza just nodded, trying not to get emotional at watching her children be giddy with excitement over their brother finally being home from the hospital.

**@A_Hamilton: Finally out of the hospital and ready to go back to DC in the morning. And what a welcome home it was [picture of all the kids talking with Philip, who was sat in the middle]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he's home! this was more a transition chapter than anything, but next chapter will feature another Theo visit and their trip back to DC :)
> 
> thank you for reading as always, it means a lot!
> 
> more on Thursday!
> 
> whatisa-legacy.tumblr.com :)


	18. Eighteen.

The morning they were scheduled to make their way back to DC was filled with Eliza frantically packing all of her children’s things, making sure that she had anything she thought Philip may need in her own bag. 

The only children awake with her were William and John, who were both eager to help get everything ready to go. “Mama, can I push Philip in the wheelchair today?” John questioned as he pushed William around the living room in it, only running into the furniture a handful of times.

“I’m not sure, sweetheart, you need to be a lot more gentle than you’re being right now,” Eliza smiled as she looked up from what she was doing, raising her eyebrows at her two youngest boys. 

Will had stopped dead in his tracks, looking back in the direction of his mother, “I can be more gentle, Mama! I don’t want to hurt him,” He shook his head, Eliza just nodding as she continued to pack up everything they would need, only glancing at the clock to see how late it was getting to be.

By the time all of the children, Alexander, and Angelica were up and eating breakfast together Philip was still asleep, Eliza deciding to leave him be for as long as she could. She was only slightly surprised when there was a knock on the door, walking to answer it only to find Theo Burr standing on the other side.

“Sorry, I hope I’m not intruding on anything. I probably should’ve like, called or something?” She spoke quickly as she was met face to face with Eliza, who could only smile at the young girl in front of her.

“Theo, it’s okay. I’m guessing you want to see Philip before we leave?” She questioned as Theo nodded, following Eliza into the hotel room after she had opened the door a little wider, “I was just about to wake him up, but you can come with me if you want,” She smiled, Theo saying hello to the rest of the Hamilton’s and Angelica before following Eliza towards Philip’s room, smiling when she noticed that he was still asleep.

“Philip sweetheart, it's time to wake up. You’ve got a visitor here,” Eliza spoke softly in a way that made Theo long for her own mother who had passed away so many years ago, the only memories she really had being from when she was little and her mother would read her stories before they went to bed.

Philip stirred after some prodding from his mother, briefly forgetting that he was no longer in the hospital, before remembering when he felt the pain from all of his injuries without being on an IV drip of medicine. “I’ll get you your medicine,” Eliza smiled as she helped him sit up under a mound of pillows, pressing a kiss on his forehead before leaving the room, Theo still standing just near the doorway.

“You can come closer, you know. I’d come to you but I think my mom would kill me for getting out of bed without any help,” He laughed, Theo just shaking her head as she walked over to the side of the bed, sitting down on the edge.

“You’re looking a lot better from the last time I saw you,” She smiled, reaching forward to grab his good hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Eliza had walked in and only slightly ruined the moment, handing Philip a piece of toast, his medications and a glass of water, waiting until he took them all before leaving again. 

“We’re leaving for DC in like, an hour,” Philip smiled as he looked at his phone, the first time he had really had it since everything had happened. 

“I’ll be back home in a few weeks and then we can hang out more than we are right now,” Theo smiled, Philip just nodding as a smile creeped up on his face.

“I can’t wait to spend more time together again. We can go out and do something fun in DC when you’re back.”

“Not so fast, buddy, you don’t have healing magic powers,” Theo giggled, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

Theo spent the rest of her time catching Philip up on everything he had missed before Eliza had come in to let Philip know they needed to start getting ready, Theo taking that as he cue to leave.

“I’ll see you in a few weeks,” She whispered, coming closer to give Philip the most gentle hug that she could, pulling back to press a soft kiss to his lips.

“I’ll be waiting for you to come home,” He smiled, reaching up to give her one more kiss before letting her leave, Eliza walking into the room a few minutes later, a smile on her face.

“I don’t want to talk about me and Theo,” Philip smiled as he sat up slowly to start letting his mom help him get dressed.

“We don’t have to, sweetheart,” Eliza smiled, grabbing a shirt for him, walking back to help him.

Eliza was just hoping that the day would come that her son would let her in on whatever was going on between the two of them.

—

“I forgot there are steps,” Philip mumbled as he let Alex Jr. wheel him from the car that had brought them to the airport to the bottom of the steps of Washington’s private plane, Alexander overhearing his son.

“Do you think you can walk up them? Or do you want me to see if there’s any way we can get you something that’s a little more accessible,” He questioned, Philip looking up at him, debating with himself on what he wanted to do.

“I think I want to walk up them.”

“Philip,” Eliza began as she brought their bags over to the attendants to let them load them on, the rest of their children making their way up the steps to get settled, leaving just Alexander and Eliza with their eldest.

“No Mom, I think I can. It’s only four steps. If Dad stands behind me and supports me and you like, walk next to me so I can balance myself, I think I can do it,” If there was one thing Philip hadn’t lost it was his determination, Eliza deciding that this one wasn’t worth the battle as she just nodded, making her way over to help him.

After Philip had steadied himself on his feet the attendants took the wheelchair, Alexander stepping behind his son while Eliza stood on the first step, ready to help.

“We’re taking this as slow as you need to. There is no shame in needing to take a rest or admitting that you need help,” Eliza reminded her son, fully expecting him to be as stubborn and determined as ever.

The first step had gone better than any of them had expected, Alexander gently holding Philip’s hips, minding his wounds on his belly and his sling as he did so. Eliza wasn’t surprised when she felt the grip on her hand tighten while Philip steadied himself, taking a deep breath.

“You tell us when you’re ready,” Alexander encouraged, Philip nodding before he took a deep breath, working on the next step, focusing on his breathing.

It took almost five minutes to ascend the four steps, Philip exhausted by the time they made it to the top. Eliza helped him get settled in the seat closest to the door, grabbing a few pillows to prop his arm up, Philip just trying to find a position that was comfortable.

“I’ll get you some medicine, okay? You doing okay?” Eliza questioned as she walked towards her own bag, only glancing at her older sister, who was making sure that the rest of the kids were settled and ready to take off.

“It just really hurts,” Philip mumbled, thanking his mom quietly as he took the medicine from her, swallowing it and praying that it worked as quickly as possible.

Eliza grabbed her things before settling down in the seat just beside Philip, grabbing his good hand and giving it a gentle squeeze, “Just a short flight back and then we’ll be home,” She promised, Philip just nodding, letting his head fall onto her shoulder, his eyes slowly shutting.

—

Landing back in Washington after a quick flight Eliza almost felt bad waking Philip up, who had managed to get comfortable the best that he could after a few minutes of fidgeting. With it being the middle of the afternoon they weren’t surprised to find that some media had come to the private airport, Alexander wishing that they would just leave them be for today.

“Philip is going to go with you and Angelica and the rest of the kids while I go to ask if we can have some space,” Alexander looked towards his wife, who just nodded as she worried about getting the younger kids ready to get off the plane, Philip still sleeping.

After helping Philip off the plane the same way that he got on and settled into the wheelchair Alexander made his way over to where some of the press was stood, trying to stay calm as he got closer.

“I know you guys want the story first and you want to be the first ones to break that my son is home, but we’d really appreciate if we could have some privacy while we adjust to life back at home,” Before the media had a chance to ask any questions Alexander turned on his heels, making his way to the van that was ready to take them home.

Being back in DC had already felt like a victory in more ways than one. Now he was just looking forward to getting back into a routine with all of his children, praying that the best was yet to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a quick Theo moment! i wanted to get one more in before they're separated for a little bit.
> 
> Philip's independence as already struck, and you'll see more of it as they transition to being home and starting therapy.
> 
> thank you for all the feedback and everything with this story, it's been amazing! More on Sunday! :)


	19. nineteen.

“Philip’s asleep on the sofa and the rest of the kids are catching up on schoolwork or playing outside so the house can be quiet,” Eliza walked back into the dining room where Alexander had pulled out his laptop, trying to catch up on e-mails he had missed the last few days when he was helping Philip adjust to life out of the hospital.

“Hopefully the house will be quiet for a few more hours so he can rest, and then we’ll worry about getting him up and walking around again,” Alexander smiled as he leaned into his wife’s touch, Eliza kneading his shoulders.

“I’m going to do some laundry and find something for dinner for all of us for tonight, let me know if Philip wakes up or if you need anything,” She smiled, leaning down to peck her husband’s lips before making her way upstairs, working on the laundry that had been untouched since Philip’s accident.

As she started getting back into somewhat of a normal routine Eliza began feeling like things were getting back to the way that they were, the struggles that they had gone through slowly becoming something of the past.

—

“I want you to at least try and eat some. It’s only soup, we know your stomach can handle soup,” Eliza sat on the edge of the sofa bargaining with her son, Philip just sighing, shaking his head.

“‘m not hungry. Can I just eat later?”

“Philip, you’re exhausted. I want you to eat something now, and then you can go upstairs and shower and go to bed. You’ll feel a lot better once you have something in your stomach,” She countered, Philip shaking his head, wanting to defy his mom’s wishes more than anything.

“You can’t have your medicine on an empty stomach,” She reminded him, Philip sighing as he pushed the blankets off, slowly sitting up.

“I’ll try to eat a little,” He conceded, Eliza smiling as she kissed his cheek, waiting until he was ready before helping him up and walk to the kitchen.

The rest of the family had gotten their dinner on the table and sat down in their normal seats, Philip going to where he normally sat when he was home, Eliza bringing pillows to prop his arm up so he wasn’t left hanging with just the sling.

The family quickly said Grace before beginning to eat, Philip taking slow bites as he tried to talk with his family, desperately wanting to get back into a routine that felt normal to him. While he wouldn’t admit it to his family, he was tired of feeling so sluggish and drawn out from the world from all of the medications he had been on.

“Philip, you eat mine?” Lizzie questioned, holding a piece of her pasta up to her brother’s mouth, Philip just smiling. 

“Not right now, Lizzie, thank you. You eat it,” He encouraged, using his good hand to help her put it in her own mouth, giggling up at her older brother.

Alexander and Eliza had shared a glance with each other from across the dinner table, their expressions saying everything. They were finally back in DC after what felt like months away, and their family was finally beginning to feel complete.

—

“I’m just going to wrap your splint so it stays dry, and then we’ll do your bandages after you shower,” Eliza stood in the bathroom while Philip sat on the toilet, holding his arm as still as he could while his mom bandaged it, trying to not focus on the pain he was feeling.

Alexander had gone out that evening and bought a shower chair for Philip to use, quickly realizing that he was still too weak to stand in the shower, and they thought he wouldn’t want his parents helping him after the nurses let him have a bit of freedom with the shower chair at the hospital.

“Yell for Dad or I if you need help, okay?” Eliza questioned, still struggling with giving Philip that freedom, worrying that something was going to happen. Philip instead just nodded at his mom, waiting until she walked out of the bathroom and shut the door before beginning the task of getting himself showered, something he had been looking forward to.

"Betsey, he's okay," Alexander smiled as he found his wife just outside the bathroom door, anxiously waiting until her son needed her again. 

“I’m just worried. He’s weaker than he thinks he is, I don’t want him to try to do everything alone if he’s not ready.”

“He probably also doesn’t want his parents helping him shower and dress himself. He’ll call us if he needs help, but we need to start giving him some space. He’s going to be okay,” Alexander reminded his wife, pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek before bringing her down to their room, hoping that she would feel like she was close enough to hear him should he call for them.

Eliza only felt slightly better when the bathroom door opened and Philip walked out, making the short walk back to his room. Eliza waited a few minutes before coming back in with the supplies to change his dressings, just praying that she wouldn’t hurt him.

“Do you want to do it yourself, or want me to do it for you?” She questioned, setting everything out on the bed next to her son, who slowly lowered himself back onto the pillows.

“Want you to do it,” He mumbled, letting her help put his sling back on before lifting up his shirt, exposing his old bandages.

“I know this is probably going to hurt you, but I’m going to do it as fast as I can, I promise,” Eliza soothed as Philip just nodded, trying to keep his arms out of the way, focusing on his breathing. Alexander had walked in as Eliza started pulling back the old bandages, walking to the opposite side of the bed in hopes that he would be able to offer some sort of support.

“Okay, I’m going to dry it off and put the antibiotic on, keep breathing,” Eliza tried to mask the shaking of her hands as she grabbed a towel and his antibiotic, making sure she would be able to do this as quickly as possible.

Philip cried out in pain as Eliza began drying off his wounds, her heart breaking with each passing moment. Alexander had taken to running his hands through his son’s wet hair, trying to soothe him. “Almost done, baby, keep breathing. You’re doing so well,” Eliza encouraged, grabbing his antibiotic to put on, Philip just barely acknowledging his mom’s words.

“Please tell me you’re done,” He mumbled as Eliza reached for the bandages, nodding at her son as she got enough gauze to cover his incisions, which were still healing.

“Just putting the bandages on and then you can sleep,” Eliza spoke softly, making sure the bandages were secure before throwing all of the supplies out, making her way back over to the bed.

“Are you going to be okay here for the night, or do you need something else?” Eliza questioned, grabbing her son’s good hand to give it a gentle squeeze.

“I’ll be okay.”

“If you need anything you can call us or yell out for us and we'll come help you. Don’t try to do things alone, please," Alexander smirked, Philip just barely smiling as he nodded.

“Love you guys,” He whispered as the two of them left the room, both of them smiling as they shut his door just enough so he wouldn’t be able to hear everyone else downstairs.

“I hope he sleeps through the night,” Alexander mumbled as Eliza nodded, both of them going back downstairs to start getting the rest of their children up to bed themselves, hoping the same thing for her eldest as her husband.

—

“He’s got an appointment with the doctor who’s going to guide us through his recovery with his arm in the morning, and then an appointment with the general doctor right after to make sure his wound is still healing well after the infection,” Eliza looked through the calendar on her phone where she had written everything in a rush speaking with his doctor back in New York, the rest of the children now in bed.

“I’ll stay back here with the rest of the kids so Angelica can go back to her normal life, too, and then if you need me I can always meet you there,” Alexander whispered, stifling his yawns as he looked over to his wife, who was just as exhausted as he was.

“Do you plan on going back into work any time soon?”

“I was thinking of going back in a few days when the kids are back at school and Philip is a little more settled,” Alexander sighed, Eliza just nodding, understanding that at some point he was going to have to go back to his office and focus on everything that was happening back in DC.

When the two of them had finally found the energy to make their way upstairs Eliza couldn’t help but check on Philip as she walked by, relieved to find that he was still asleep as soundly as possible. Gently shutting the door behind her once more she made her way towards both hers and Alexander’s room, changing for bed and climbing in, pressing herself into her husband’s side.

“It feels so good to be back in our own bed with all of our babies in their rooms,” She whispered, Alexander humming in agreement.

“And all of our babies are getting better,” Alexander smiled, Eliza giggling as she nodded, leaning up for a kiss.

As they fell asleep next to each other that night Eliza felt at ease for the first time in weeks. Her husband was asleep in the bed next to her, all of their children were in their own beds, and Philip was beginning to take a turn for the better, and that was all she could really ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're adjusting to life back home and things are slowly getting better, even if Philip is still a little stubborn and wants independence :)
> 
> thank you for all of the support as always, i'm so glad you guys are liking this story! 
> 
> I may update Friday instead this week because of Thanksgiving, but that just means that you'll get two updates in like two days :)


	20. twenty.

While Alexander stayed home with Lizzie and William and got the rest of the kids off to school Eliza found herself in another doctor’s office, this time Philip just next to her, sat in his wheelchair.

“I’m going to learn to do this one-handed,” Philip smiled as he wheeled back and forth in his wheelchair, the two of them waiting for the doctor to come in. Eliza could only laugh, shaking her head.

“I’d prefer if you waited to teach yourself, you’re going to run into the wall or something the way you’re doing it right now,” She sighed, Philip just shrugging, readjusting his arm so he was more comfortable.

“How many things do we have to do today?” He questioned, pausing on his motions to look over at Eliza, Eliza noticing the life back in his eyes for the first time in what felt like months.

“You’ve got this appointment to look at your arm and then one more to make sure that your incision is still healing okay since we traveled back, and then we’re done. I’ve got all your meds and we can always stop for food if you feel hungry,” Philip only nodded, yawning as he used his good hand to rub at his eyes, still adjusting to the medications the now had him on.

“We’re not going to have to do this every day, right?”

“I don’t think so,” Eliza glanced up from her phone, shaking her head, “I think after today we’ll be able to go a few weeks in between each appointment unless they need to look at your arm or your belly or if you have any issues. Otherwise you’ll be at home until they clear you to start physical therapy.”

Their conversation was cut short by a knock on the door, a doctor walking in, smiling as she shook Eliza’s hand and said hello to Philip, realizing that he wasn’t able to shake her hand. 

“I’m Dr. Cornell, I’m going to be the one that takes over looking after your arm and making sure that we get it back to 100 percent, or as close as we possibly can,” She smiled, sitting down in the chair beside the two of them, looking over the notes she had received from Dr. Jones the day before.

“So you've done nothing therapy wise with your right arm, correct?” She questioned, Philip shaking his head.

“They didn’t really want me to because of the surgery,” He explained, Dr. Cornell nodding.

Standing up she walked over to where Philip was sat in his wheelchair, helping him carefully remove the sling so she could see the splint a little better. “I want you to squeeze my hand as hard as you can with your fingers. I know the splint is in the way, but just do your best,” She instructed, putting her hand against Philip’s grasp, Philip wincing as he tried to squeeze as hard as he could, getting a little frustrated when he realized he couldn’t grip it as hard as he thought he was going to be able to.

“That was good for the first time doing that in the last few weeks,” She smiled, sitting back down to write some notes, Philip glancing at Eliza. Eliza just gave him an encouraging smile, realizing that her son was down on himself, clearly frustrated with his progress.

Doing a few more preliminary tests Dr. Cornell sat back down, writing out a few more things before looking between Eliza and Philip, “I’m going to see you back here in two weeks to take that splint off and take a look at the scar and make sure you’re doing okay, and then we’ll decide then if you’re ready to start physical therapy.”

“Do you think I will be?”

“If I had to think about it right now I’d say that you probably will be. Your strength is around where I thought it would be, and as long as the incision looks good I’ll clear you for beginning physical therapy, although you’ll have a new splint on then,” She smiled, Philip nodding.

As they left that doctor’s office with an appointment booked and made their way through the medical center to his next doctor’s appointment, Eliza could tell that her son was no longer in the mood he had been in before.

Checking him in for his next appointment Eliza made her way to where Philip was, sitting down in the seat beside him.

“Hey, look at me,” Eliza spoke softly so they didn’t draw attention to themselves, her hand resting on her son’s knee until he finally made eye contact with her, “There is no reason to be discouraged by that doctor’s appointment. You do not need to be so hard on yourself, you haven’t even thought about using that arm in a few weeks,” She comforted, Philip just sighing, shaking his head.

“I thought I’d be able to squeeze her hand harder. I wasn’t even squeezing that hard, like, I could barely feel it,” His voice shook as he spoke quietly, Eliza’s heart breaking to see her son upset for the first time about his recovery.

“And that’s okay. That’s why we’re going to start physical therapy and work on getting some strength back. Baby, we knew going into this that you may not get all of the strength back in that arm, and that’s something we’ll deal with if it happens,” She began, deciding to continue when she realized Philip wasn’t going to react, “But what we also knew that this recovery was going to take time. You’re not going to magically be better after one night at home and one day of physical therapy.”

“This is going to take time, Philip, and we’re going to get through it. But if you get down on yourself like this, it’s going to be harder,” Philip only nodded, using his good hand to grab his mom’s hand, squeezing it gently.

“I’m not leaving you, sweetheart, none of us are. We’re going to help you through this, but you need to help us too, okay?” She questioned, Philip nodding.

“Okay,” He whispered, Eliza settling back into her seat, not letting her son’s hand go, praying that this would be the breakthrough they needed for Philip to realize that it was going to be okay despite needing time.

—

After spending a better part of the morning with the doctors to make sure that Philip was still doing well the two of them returned back to the house around lunch time. Eliza quickly made something to eat for everyone before putting a movie on for Will and Lizzie, Philip deciding to spend some time with them and watch as well, lying on the sofa as he tried to rest, still exhausted from that morning.

“I got an email this morning saying that they’ve rescheduled the gun control hearing,” Alexander spoke softly as his wife re-entered the kitchen, sitting down at the table next to him.

“When is it?” She questioned, reaching over to grab his free hand, playing with the wedding ring on his finger.

"Next week. Again, it’s sudden, but at least you’re in DC with me if you need me to leave for anything,” He smiled, Eliza nodding.

“Peggy and Angelica can probably come help if I need them to, but hopefully Philip will be in less pain and able to do a little bit more then,” Eliza knew it was possibly wishful thinking, but she noticed her husband’s nod from the corner of her eye, and felt relieved to know he felt the same way. 

“I think I want to speak again, make sure I really hit home on some of the points we were making about gun control laws,” Alexander spoke his thoughts out loud, Eliza staying quiet as she let him work it out, “Philip is home now, which is something that probably should’ve never happened. I could reiterate that when I talk.”

“You don't want to alienate people either, though. Remember, my love, you’re trying to convince them that they should make stricter laws, not make them feel angry that you’re trying to take away their guns without their consent.”

“But I do want all of their guns gone! There’s no reason for anyone to have a gun, let alone the guns people have nowadays. Betsey, our son is out there lying on the sofa recovering from a gunshot wound that almost killed him. Why are people allowed to own something that can do that?” His voice broke with each passing sentence, Eliza glancing towards the living room, sighing in relief when she noticed that all three children were still occupied by the movie, unaware of their father in the kitchen.

“I don't know, Alexander. I wish it wasn’t a thing, because Philip would still be at school if gun laws were stricter. But I do know that you can do this, and you can do it without alienating people. Convince them that they don’t need it, let your emotions take over as you talk about watching Philip almost die,” Eliza blinked back the tears thinking back to those nights, her voice dropping to a whisper.

“It’s hard for us to talk about, but that is the reality of what we went through. You have to let them see this side of you, show them that this affects families and there's no reason it needs to be a thing any longer.”

Alexander only grasped her hand, squeezing tightly as he nodded, the two of them sitting in silence.

He knew his wife was right, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he needed people on his side, and he was willing to do whatever it took to get there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little glimpse of the old Philip, and Alexander is finally showing more of his emotions!
> 
> Sorry for not posting mid-week, I ended up getting sick and the last thing i wanted to do was be on my laptop, even for a few minutes. back to posting normally this week!
> 
> thank you for all of the love! see you on Thursday! :)


	21. twenty one.

Falling back into a routine where everyone went to school and Eliza and Alexander slowly got back to their normal chores went a lot smoother than anyone was expecting, no one putting up a fuss to be back to the way things normally were.

Philip spent most of the day resting in bed or on the sofa, Lizzie often keeping him company while the rest of the kids went to school. Eliza often came to check on the two of them to find them napping together, her heart bursting, often taking a few photos on her phone each time.

“Elizabeth, I have to take Philip his medicine, do you want to help me?” Eliza questioned after getting the rest of the kids off to school, Philip still upstairs asleep. Hearing the tiny patter of feet Lizzie appeared just next to her mother, perching up on her tip toes to see the counter better.

“I carry his medicine,” She smiled, pointing to herself as Eliza laughed, nodding. She leaned down and handed her a small cup full of Philip’s pills, keeping an eye on her as they made their way upstairs, down the hall to Philip’s room.

“Philip, it’s mornin’! You gotta get up!” Lizzie smiled as she trailed just behind her mother, running over to the side of the bed to watch Philip begin to stir.

“Morning, Lizzie,” Philip mumbled, wincing only slightly as he tried to sit up a little, Eliza setting the food down on the nightstand to help him.

“Brought you medicine,” Lizzie mumbled, standing up on her tip toes to reach her brother, Philip gently taking the cup from her.

“Thanks, Lizzie,” Philip smiled, taking the pills one by one, using the cup of juice his mom had brought for him to help him swallow.

“I made you some toast, you need to eat it so your stomach isn’t upset with just the pills. You think you can do it?” Eliza questioned as she eyed her youngest daughter while she pulled herself up onto Philip’s bed, making sure she didn’t jostle him.

“Yeah, I can,” Philip nodded, gently grabbing the toast before taking small bites, Eliza staying with him just in case he needed her, Lizzie making up stories and talking about what she wanted to do today while it was just her and Philip home.

“I want to shower before I come downstairs,” Philip sighed, Eliza nodding as she stood up from her son’s bed, gently grabbing Lizzie and setting her down on the ground. She walked back over to the bed to help Philip up, helping him put the protective cover over his splint. While he was clearly getting better and didn’t use her as much as he used to, Eliza could still feel how weak her son was, obviously still trying to recover. 

“Let me know if you need help, or Dad is still home and he can help you too. I’m going to take her downstairs and let her watch some TV so I can get some stuff done,” Eliza told Philip, who walked slowly towards the bathroom, nodding slowly as he shut the door behind him.

Eliza had set Lizzie on the sofa and turned on some cartoons for her, deciding that her need to get things done and caught up on was more important than keeping Lizzie away from the TV for a good portion of the day like she normally would. Walking back into the kitchen she was surprised to see her husband sat at the kitchen table with his laptop, typing furiously.

“What are you doing working in here?” She smiled, walking over to rest her hands on his shoulders, pressing a kiss to his head. 

“Dunno, just sat here for breakfast and then just didn’t move. I’ll go to my office in a little bit,” Alexander smiled, Eliza laughing as she moved to begin cleaning up the kitchen, finishing up the dishes and tidying up, so it was a little easier to maneuver around.

“I want you to read this speech when you get a chance, see how you feel about it. Burr read through it and made some changes, but I want to see what you think since I am talking about Philip,” Alexander looked over to where his wife had been putting dishes away, watching her turn back.

“I’m sure it’s fine, but I’ll read it when I’m done this,” She smiled, Alexander nodding.

“Can I see the speech?” Alexander and Eliza both looked to the living room, Philip walking towards them slowly, his sling in his good hand.

“I also need help getting my sling back on and my hair brushed so it’s not completely knotty, but I want to read the speech too,” Philip smiled, Eliza dropping the towel she had been using to dry the dishes to walk over to her son, taking his sling from his hands to put it back on for him.

“I’ll get a brush in a minute, just go sit down with your father,” She spoke softly as Philip did what he was told, Eliza walking back upstairs to her bathroom, grabbing her brush.

When she walked back into the kitchen she couldn’t help but smile as her son was sat up without any support on either side of him, and only a pillow underneath his sling to protect both his arm and his torso. He had been reading through his dad’s speech, using his good hand to scroll through the pages, taking everything in as he read about his father’s account of the story, a side he hadn’t heard since everything had happened.

“I think I want to talk at the hearing this time,” Philip broke the silence in the room as he winced at Eliza untangling his hair after his shower. 

“What?” Alexander questioned, Eliza holding her breath, praying that Philip wasn’t being serious.

“I want to speak at the case when you go to speak, or speak for you,” Philip repeated, looking up at his father, Eliza immediately becoming worried about what her husband was going to say.

“Philip, I don’t know,” He began, Eliza deciding it would be best to jump in.

“Honey, I know you think you’re a lot stronger than you are right now, but you have to remember that you’re still in the critical parts of recovery. The hearing begins in two days, and you’re not going to feel much better than you do right now, especially to stand in front of a lot of people and talk to them about what you’ve been going through,” Eliza reasoned, practically feeling her son deflate beneath her.

“I want to though, Mom! I think if they hear from me how hard this is and has been since I’ve been able to realize what’s going on it’ll make them change their minds about the gun laws,” Philip began, obviously trying to keep his emotions in check, “I know I’m not as strong as I think I am and I’m lying to myself, but I really think I can do this. It’s only standing up there for a few minutes, and I’ll use the wheelchair the rest of the time, I promise.”

Alexander let his eyes wander from where his son sat up to his wife, who looked just as puzzled as he felt, realizing he probably had the same expression. His son was so much like him in so many ways that it was almost as if he should’ve seen this coming, but at the same time he also had just wished his son would take it easy and let his body heal naturally.

“I’ll tell you what, you can draft what you’d say if we decide to let you speak at the hearing, and your mother and I will talk about whether we think you’re ready or not yet. Sound like a fair deal?” Alexander bargained, watching Philip nod dejectedly, obviously not completely happy with what his father had proposed. 

Alexander took it as a win, standing up from the kitchen table to get something to eat, making sure to leave a kiss on his son’s head on his way by.

Alexander knew he was getting a taste of his own medicine raising someone as strong-willed as Philip, but he also knew that both him and Eliza were doing what they felt was right for their son, and he hoped that Philip realized that as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you think they're going to let Philip say his speech?
> 
> thank you guys for all the support, i'm so glad you guys are still liking this! we'll get more into his routine soon :)


	22. twenty two.

Alexander found himself back in his office for the first time in over two weeks, everything exactly where he had left it. It was an odd sensation, the office frozen back in a time where things were so different. Philip was still at school, his other children weren’t affected, and things were as normal as they had always been.

Now he returned with his life flipped upside down, Philip now back home with them, recovering from something that realistically, probably should’ve killed him.

“Alexander,” Aaron Burr stood in the doorway of Alexander’s office, a smile on his face, “It’s nice to see you back in the office,” Alexander laughed, walking over to shake the man’s hand, offering for him to sit down.

“It’s nice to be back,” Alexander mumbled, pulling his laptop out of his briefcase, opening it up so he could look at their schedules.

“How’s Philip?” Aaron questioned, momentarily stopping Alexander in his tracks, turning to look up towards the man who he didn’t always see eye to eye with.

“He’s doing better. We’re learning to manage his pain at home now that he’s off the IV, but each day he’s a little closer back to his normal self,” Alexander spoke truthfully, watching Aaron smile as he spoke.

“That's good. Theo told me he seemed to be getting better the few times she saw him. Please let me know if you need help with anything,” Aaron encouraged, and for the first time in a while, Alexander could tell if he was genuinely serious.

“Thank you,” Alexander smiled, glancing back to his laptop, pulling up his notes to begin working on another speech for the next gun control debate, immediately getting down to business.

—

“What is going on in here?” Eliza made her way back into the family room to find Lizzie asleep in the chair, Philip clearly fighting sleep as well.

“I wanted to write the speech that Dad told me I could, but I can’t write now because of the splint and I can’t really sit up that long to use the laptop,” Philip groaned, clearly becoming frustrated with everything around him. Eliza set down the things she had planned to carry upstairs in favor of walking over to the sofa to sit on the edge, her hand immediately going to run through her son’s hair.

“Let me get a few more things done, and then I will help you. You need to learn to ask for help instead of getting frustrated that you can’t do everything you used to be able to,” Eliza encouraged, keeping her composure as Philip ignored her, instead letting his eyes close at the soft touch of his mother’s fingers massaging his scalp.

Eliza took the no answer as a good thing and stood up, leaving a kiss on his forehead before making her way upstairs, eager to get through the rest of her chores so she could go back down and have some one-on-one time with her eldest before the rest of the children got home and Lizzie woke up.

—

Eliza got to spend 40 minutes helping Philip write the speech he had been begging to write before the children got home from school, all of them needing her attention in one way or another. Giving Philip his medicine and letting him take a nap in the family room Eliza had managed to get all of the children in the kitchen to work on their homework, Lizzie sat on the counter helping Eliza with dinner as best as a two year old could.

“Mama,” John began, looking up from his homework to where Eliza was stood at the counter, leaning forward on his knees, “When will Philip be able to sit out here with us like he usually does when he’s home?”

It’s a question that in reality shouldn’t have made Eliza so emotional, because the last few weeks it’s the exact question she’s been asking every doctor they’ve encountered. But it’s the way her son asks it, so innocent, so full of worry for his older brother that gets her, and now she finds herself standing at the kitchen counter holding back tears.

“Hopefully soon, sweetheart. He’s working really, really hard to get better so he can be with all of you guys more than he’s able to be now,” Eliza spoke softly, Angie and Alex immediately able to tell that their mom was upset.

“Maybe we should all make him cards or help him out a little more,” Angie spoke up, watching her siblings nod in eagerness, Eliza finishing prepping dinner before grabbing some construction paper and markers and setting them out on the table, letting all of the kids choose what they wanted to make for Philip.

Alexander walked in just before dinner was ready, all of the kids quiet at the table, Philip still in the other room sleeping. “What’s going on in here?” He questioned, pressing a kiss to Eliza’s lips as she smiled, letting her head rest against his shoulder.

“John asked me when Philip was going to be able to be in here spending time with us again like he normally does when he’s home, and I got a little emotional for some reason. I think Angie and Alex could tell that I was a little upset and Angie suggested that they make Philip cards and to help him out when he needs it, so they’re all currently making him cards while he sleeps,” Eliza explained, Alexander smiling as he pressed a kiss to his wife’s forehead, saying hello to the kids quickly before going to check on Philip.

“Woah, what’s going on out here?” Alexander questioned when he noticed Philip trying to get up on his own, clearly struggling.

“Dad, I can do it,” Philip insisted, looking up at his dad, who wasn’t entirely convinced.

“Philip, this is how setbacks are going to happen, you need to ask for help,” Alexander sighed, helping him stand up, making sure he was steady on his feet before letting him go.

“I want to be able to get up alone. It’s not fair that your or Mom has to drop whatever you’re doing to come help me,” Philip sighed, slowly making his way to the bathroom, leaving Alexander standing in the family room, waiting for him to return.

“Your mother and I are not inconvenienced by having to help you. Philip, we want to help you get better, but you cannot think that you’re ready to do this on your own,” Alexander watched Philip slowly made his way back to the sofa, not shrugging his father off when he helped him lay back down, despite Alexander being able to tell that his help wasn’t wanted, whether it was needed or not.

“Okay, fine, I’ll ask for help when I need it,” Philip mumbled, clearly annoyed by the fight that had ensued the last few minutes, Alexander deciding to let it go, going upstairs to set his things down before helping his wife.

“Is Philip awake?” It was Angie that had caught her father’s attention when he walked back into the room, turning to where all of his children were sat as he nodded.

“He was just on his phone, so if you guys wanted to go give him your gifts you can,” He smiled, watching all of his children jump off from where they were sat, walking towards the living room together.

“What’s wrong?” Eliza questioned after her children were out of earshot, immediately able to tell that something was off.

“Your son is back to his stubborn ways and also thinks he can do everything with no one helping him,” Alexander rolled his eyes, Eliza immediately looking concerned, “I’ll tell you more later, but let’s go see all our babies together,” Quickly changing the subject Alexander grabbed his wife’s hand, leading her to the doorway, where they were able to watch the younger children all giving the cards and pictures they had just made.

“What are all these for?” Philip smiled, letting Alex help him sit up, flipping through everything his siblings had just given him.

“We want you to feel better, so we made you them!” John smiled, Philip smiling as he hugged all of them, gently laying back down so he was more comfortable to look through everything.

Alexander may have been upset that his son seemed to think he was magically better and could do everything on his own, but there was something about watching all of his children interact like this that had brought him the most joy, thankful for everything in his life at that moment in time.

—

Getting seven children into bed and ready for the next day often left Alexander and Eliza exhausted, and this day wasn’t any different. 

The older children often went to bed on their own, and after making sure all of the younger children were settled and on their way to sleep, the couple had made their way back down the hall to check on Philip.

“You good?” Alexander questioned as they both walked into his room, finding him propped up on pillows and looking as comfortable as he possibly could, Philip nodding. Eliza and Alexander had both taken a seat on either side of him on the bed, Philip glancing between them both, fighting to stay awake.

“Your father and I have talked, and we’ve decided that if you want to speak at the hearing tomorrow, we’ll let you,” Even as Eliza spoke the words she felt uneasy, still all too worried that this was too much for her son who was still in the beginning of his recovery.

“Really?” Philip questioned, trying to sit up a little more, wincing slightly when his incisions were moved around.

“Yes, but we have some rules,” Alexander began, ignoring his son’s eye rolling when he spoke, “We’re using the wheelchair tomorrow, whether you want to or not. You are not strong enough to walk all day and support your own weight without being exhausted,” Alexander began, Philip nodding slowly.

“Can I stand up when I speak though?”

“Yes,” Eliza sighed after a slight hesitation, looking towards her husband, who had only nodded in encouragement.

“Your mother and I are just looking out for you and we want what’s best for you. If we say that you need to be in the wheelchair or if we don’t think you’re ready to speak, then what we say goes. Do you understand?” Hating being firm with his son who was clearly grown and was able to make decisions for himself Alexander was grateful when Philip nodded in understanding, not even putting up a fight.

As the two of them fell asleep that night riddled with anxiety that they had made the wrong decision for their son, just down the hall Philip fell asleep excited, ready to finally have a voice in hopefully making a huge change in the country’s history.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah i'm so sorry, i thought i hit update yesterday but apparently i didn't! so here you go! 
> 
> Philip is going to speak at the hearing, how do you think it'll go.
> 
> thank you for all of the love and support, it's so sweet and unexpected but it makes me so happy!
> 
> more on Thursday!


	23. twenty three.

Alexander would consider himself a veteran in the court room, having done countless amounts of trials both with and against Aaron Burr.

This time he takes a seat in between his wife and eldest son, and it just feels different. 

“Philip, it’s so good to see you!” Philip looked up from where he was sat in his wheelchair to see Aaron Burr standing there, his hand gently rubbing against Philip’s shoulder, “You’re looking great.”

“Thank you, I’m starting to feel better,” Philip smiled, Aaron saying a quick hello to Eliza and Alexander before taking his seat with the family, all of them anxious for the trial to begin.

“You don’t have to do this, I can speak for you,” Alexander whispered in between the first two speakers, Philip looking completely lost by the accounts he had just heard from a family who didn’t get to bring their daughter home.

“I do, Dad, I need them to see what it’s like,” Philip whispered, fear behind his eyes masked by his determination. Alexander only nodded, focusing his attention back on the speakers who were brave enough to share their stories.

When it came time for Alexander to speak he walked towards the podium, taking one glance back to his son when he earned a nod, feeling all the confidence in the world.

“Good morning,” He began, looking around the room, “Last time we met I spoke about my son, Philip, and the recent gun violence he had encountered. This time, I’m proud to say that instead of me speaking, it will be my son,” Turning back to where Philip was sat Alexander walked back over, gently helping him stand from his wheelchair so he could walk the short distance.

“You good?” Alexander whispered just loud enough for Philip to hear it, waiting for him to nod before he returned to his seat, ready to watch his son with pride.

“Good morning,” Philip smiled, glancing around the room at everyone focusing on him, “My name is Philip Hamilton, and I am a survivor of gun violence.”

"Just over three weeks ago I was shot once on campus at Columbia University in New York City. The bullet entered my abdomen on my left side, and lodged itself in my right arm,” Using his good hand to show the path of the bullet, even he found himself wincing when he put it into perspective for one of the first times.

“While I don’t remember many of the details surrounding the shooting, and I may never know exactly why it happened, I do know that I am lucky to be alive. A bullet went through my abdomen, and I am able to stand here just over three weeks later, out of the hospital and back home with my family, and talk about what I’ve gone through."

“My parents sat with me from the very first night when they arrived, and my mom didn’t leave the hospital until I left with her,” Glancing over to where Eliza and Alexander sat Philip sent them a smile, quickly returning back to what he had managed to write down with his mom the day before.

“They heard from my doctors that I was going to die, that there was nothing more they could do for me. The infection I had already contracted by the time I had arrived to the hospital was battling against the antibiotics they put me on, and it had become a waiting game.”

“I don’t know what it’s like to hear that your child may die, but I know that my parents are the strongest people I know. They never once lost faith that I would be okay, and as my mom laid with me on a night that I was so sick and delirious and the fear that they would lose me was realer than ever before, she never once doubted that I would live,” Eliza couldn’t help but let a few tears fall as she listened to her son speak, his voice not once wavering.

“The injuries I have are something that will take time to heal. I currently have over thirty stitches in my stomach from an operation that saved my life the night of the shooting. The doctors aren’t sure the extent of my arm injuries yet, and there is a chance that I will never be able to use it in the same way that I used to be able to,” Philip gestured to his arm that was secured tightly in the sling he had grown so used to having, his arm in a splint that he can’t remember not having on.

“While these injuries are devastating and frustrating to live with, I am alive, and that is more than many of the families here can say about their loved ones,” Philip took a moment to take a deep breath, quickly becoming exhausted from just speaking after not being able todo much of anything the last few weeks.

“College is a place that children are supposed to feel safe. I did not feel unsafe the day that this happened, but I am not naive to realize that there is no reason that this couldn’t happen to someone who also feels safe on their campus. The man who shot me was someone who I knew and had seen around campus many times, and he wasn’t someone I ever felt unsafe around.” 

“The amount of pain that I have been in and the months of therapy and recovery I have ahead of me are something that makes me want to fight on this issue even harder,” Looking towards the jury Philip had decided to abandon his the rest of his speech, opting to speak from his heart.

“No one is able to take away what happened to me and the pain that I now go through every day as I fight for recovery, but people can help me fight to make sure that no one else has to go through this. I feel so blessed every day to be alive, and for those families here that are unable to say the same about their loved ones, I want to say that I am sorry,” Philip quickly glanced over to them, his eyes conveying everything he needed to say.

“The gun control in this country needs to change, and I want nothing more than to be able to be an ally in hopes that sooner rather than later we are able to say that these incidents are a thing of the past. Thank you for your time,” Philip nodded, slowly turning around to see his father, who had brought his wheelchair over so he no longer had to worry about standing. 

“I am so, so proud of you,” Eliza whispered when her son was back next to her, leaning over to squeeze his good hand, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Alexander listened to the final remarks with pride, praying that his son speaking up would help make this decision that much easier for everyone involved.

—

**@HuffPost: Philip Hamilton speaks at gun control debate for first time since shooting bit.ly/TH3oJl2**

**@Politico: Sec. Hamilton uses his speech time to let his son speak for the first time since being shot [picture of Philip speaking]**

**@WSJ: Philip Hamilton surprises the courtroom with speech on his account of shooting he was involved in. bit.ly/Ji208Me2**

Alexander spent their first few hours back at home after the hearing scrolling through the countless amounts of articles that had been written about the debate, Philip the center of almost all of them. He had bookmarked a few of his favorites to show Eliza when she had a little more time to read things through, Eliza currently trying to get things done while Philip rested and Lizzie spent the afternoon with her Aunt Peggy.

**@A_Hamilton: Could not be prouder of Philip today. Speaking on something so close to him and being candid about it all is something I don’t think I would have been strong enough for.**

**@A_Hamilton: We are just beginning the new challenge with his recovery, now moving into the therapy stage. While I know that this will be difficult to get through, we are grateful that we even made it here.**

**@A_Hamilton: It is mine and Eliza’s hope that Philip being brave enough to share his story today when he is still trying to process it all himself will help convince the jury that our laws need to change.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is mostly just Philip's speech, but how do you think he did! we find out the results of the hearing in the next chapter!
> 
> thank you guys so much for reading and liking this story, it means the world! i'll post more on Sunday! :) xx


	24. twenty four.

**Text from: Aaron Burr**

_Check the news._

The text from Aaron Burr first thing in the morning wasn’t something that Alexander wasn’t a stranger too, although when he woke up this morning, he would be lying if he was saying that he wasn’t anxious to see what he would find.

Eliza was already out of bed and getting the children ready for school, Alexander sleeping in after being up late with Philip, who seemed to be in more pain after a day full of activity the day before. 

Turning the television on Alexander flipped to the news channel, the breaking news at the bottom immediately catching his attention.

**GUN CONTROL LAW PASSES SENATE 81-19 AFTER A VOTE LATE LAST NIGHT**

Alexander can’t remember the last time he jumped out of bed so fast, running down the steps as if he was a child on Christmas morning.

“The bill passed! The gun control bill passed Betsey, we did it!” Ignoring the stares from his children who were still bleary-eyed and struggling to wake up Alexander ran to his wife, pulling her into the tightest hug he remembers having in a while.

“Oh my God, it actually happened,” She whispered, leaning up to give her husband a kiss, turning back to her children, who were just as confused as before.

“The gun control bill that Daddy and Philip spoke about yesterday that we talked about passed. Which means that people won’t be able to get guns as easy anymore,” Eliza explained, all of the kids cheering as both Alexander and Eliza laughed, savoring the moment while their son, who had been affected from all of this directly, slept upstairs.

—

When it got closer to noon and Alexander and Eliza hadn’t so much as heard a peep from Philip’s room, Eliza had decided to go up and check on him. She was relieved to find that he was still sleeping, looking a little more peaceful than he had the night before.

“Philip, sweetheart, it’s time to wake up,” Eliza spoke softly as she set some food and his pills down on the nightstand, sitting on Philip’s bed. Gently rubbing his arm as he slowly woke up Eliza smiled when he finally opened his eyes, helping him sit up a little better so he could eat.

“Do you feel any better this morning? Dad said you had some trouble falling asleep last night,” Watching as he took slow bites of his food Philip shrugged, trying to gauge exactly how he felt.

“It doesn’t hurt as much last night, but it really did hurt last night. Is Dad awake? I feel bad I made him stay up so late.”

“It probably hurt because you were so active yesterday. He’s awake, and he doesn’t mind staying up with you, Philip, you know that. We want to help you get better,” She reminded him, Philip nodding as he reached for his pills, Eliza handing them to him so he could take them.

“Oh, you’re awake,” Alexander smiled as he stood in the doorway of his son’s room, walking in to sit on the other side of the bed, “Feeling better?” He questioned, waiting until Philip had nodded before going back to his news, waiting all morning to be able to tell him.

“Turned on the news this morning,” He began, almost unable to hide his excitement as he spoke, “The gun control law passed in Senate late last night.”

Philip’s eyes widened as his dad told him the news, a smile immediately spreading on his face, “We did it,” he whispered, Alexander leaning up to hug his son, letting the tears fall.

“We did.”

—

“I think it’s time we take those stitches out of your belly,” The doctor smiled after reintroducing himself as Dr. Bates, Philip smiling as he laid on the hospital bed.

“Will it hurt?” He questioned as he watched the doctor with careful eyes, noticing everything he was grabbing. 

"It's probably going to hurt a little bit, but I'll be as gentle as I can,” He encouraged, Philip sighing as he nodded, watching as Eliza moved up towards his head, unable to hold his hand because she would be in the way.

“Breathe, I’m right here,” Eliza whispered as she focused her attention on her son’s face, opting to not watch the doctor as he disinfected the stitches, Philip wincing. 

“It’s gonna hurt,” Philip mumbled, Eliza bending down, pressing a kiss to her son’s head.

“It’s okay, just breathe. I’m right here,” She repeated, Dr. Bates quietly interrupting their conversation. 

“Okay, I'm going to start taking them out. I need you to lay nice and still for me,” He told Philip, waiting until he nodded before beginning, Philip taking a sharp breath as he began the process of taking them out.

“You are doing so well,” Eliza smiled, glancing up to see how many stitches were gone, relieved to find that he was about halfway through.

“This hurts so bad,” Philip mumbled, opening his eyes only slightly, meeting Eliza’s eyes. 

“I know, he’s almost done.”

Overall it took just over five minutes before he finally pulled out the last stitch, moving out of the way so the nurse could disinfect it once more, Philip fighting back the tears the longer they prodded at his stomach.

“I know you’re probably very sore right now, but your incisions look really good, I’m very pleased with them,” Dr. Bates smiled, taking a seat in his chair once more, pulling out Philip’s chart.

“I want to talk about your pain medicine,” Quickly changing the subject, Eliza helped the nurse sit Philip up along with the bed, Philip using his good arm to drape over the new bandages that were over his new scars.

“I want to lower your dosage a little bit, start weaning you off of the heavier pain medicine,” Hearing those words were both a comfort and a worry for Eliza, who could tell that Philip was more nervous than anything.

“Is he ready for that?” Eliza questioned, sitting down next to Philip, who was just trying to take everything in.

“I think so. If he finds that the pain is too much we can always go back up on the dosage to where he is now, but I think based on how this appointment has gone and how he’s told me how he’s been feeling I think we’re ready to start weaning him off the heavier pain medications,” He explained, Eliza deciding that this was something she wasn’t educated on, hoping that if she put her trust in him everything would be okay.

As they left the appointment with Philip not even putting up a fight using the wheelchair back to the car, getting settled in the front seat while Eliza packed everything up.

“How do you feel that went?” Eliza questioned as she started to set off for home, Philip leaning back in the seat, sighing.

“I”m worried that I’m not ready to not have as much pain medicine. It still hurts a lot now, and I have a lot of pain medicine to help so it doesn’t hurt as much. What if it hurts more and the medicine doesn’t work as well?”

Eliza was always the one that had the answers for her children for all of their problem, but as she listened to her son speak with such worry in his voice that it broke her heart, taking everything she had not to pull over the car and just hold him, wishing all of his worries away.

“We can go back to the pain medication dosage you’re on now if you’re in that much pain. Philip, we can’t risk having you get addicted to the pain medications. We’ve got to be careful about this, and I do think you’re ready to lower the pain medicine. It’s not too much, baby, just enough that we’re working on getting you less dependent on it,” Eliza wasn’t surprised when she was met with silence, letting the radio take over the rest of the car ride home.

—

Philip managed to eat dinner with the rest of the family, although he gave up on his soup about halfway through, Eliza letting him go after the stressful day he had at the doctors.

As all of the children slowly made their way to bed, Eliza getting the younger children bathed, Alexander taking the opportunity to check on Philip, who had gone to bed a little earlier than the few nights prior.

“Buddy, are you awake?” Alexander questioned after knocking on his eldest son’s door, opening it quietly to find Philip still awake, his eyes opening as his dad made his way over to his son’s bed, sitting down on the edge.

“Are you feeling okay? You came up to bed a little earlier than normal,” Alexander questioned, Philip sighing as he nodded.

“I’m just really tired from having him take the stitches out, which is so stupid because I didn’t even do anything but lay there and breathe,” Philip laughed, wincing slightly.

“Mom said they lowered your pain medicine,” Alexander continued, Philip nodding.

“It hurt when he took the stitches out and I had more pain medicine then, what is it going to feel like when I’m not allowed to have as much medicine?”

“Philip, no matter when you start bringing your dosage down, there’s going to be a difference. I know it’s scary, and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t nervous about all of this as well, but it’s going to be okay. We’re going to find what works best for you, and we’ll go from there,” Alexander spoke softly as he absentmindedly rubbed his son’s arm, Philip just nodding.

“So now that the bill is passed, what happens?” With the abrupt change of subject Alexander found himself caught off guard, smiling as he took a moent to find the best way to explain this to his son, who was a little out of it.

“Well, they’ll start drafting the formal law to put it into place. The President has to sign it, or veto it, and as long as he signs it, it will go into effect, which means much stricter gun laws,” While Alexander knew he had left out a lot of the details, he felt what he did leave in was enough for the boy, Philip nodding.

As Philip gave up on trying to fight the sleep that was so desperately trying to take over his body Alexander said a gentle goodnight, standing up from the bed and making his way out of Philip’s room, shutting the door behind him.

Entering into the next phase of Philip’s recovery and having so much of it be part of the unknown was the most terrifying thing for Alexander, who didn’t know what he could do to help his son.

Instead he prayed that things would start taking a dramatic turn for the better, just for once wishing that they would be met with some news that didn’t make them feel like they had made the wrong decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm blown away that we're already at chapter 24, i feel like i just started writing this! 
> 
> they've lowered his pain med, how do you think that will go?
> 
> thank you for all of the love and support, it means the world <3 more on Thursday! :)


	25. twenty five.

Since being home from New York all of the Hamilton’s had fallen back into a routine, a routing that was mostly familiar, but had now been surrounded by helping Philip with anything he may have needed.

While Alexander struggled to get back into a routine of being in the office and not worrying about what Philip was doing, he knew that the person most affected by all of this was Eliza, who had tirelessly taken care of her eldest without so much of a complaint or ask for help.

"You take as long as you need to get ready today, Lizzie is downstairs watching _The Little Mermaid_ and I’ll get Philip up so he can eat, take his medicine, and shower for the day,” Alexander smiled as he walked back into their bedroom, Eliza looking over at him, the worry evident on her face.

“Don’t you have to go to work? I’m okay, Alexander, I can do it all,” She argued, Alexander making his way over to press a kiss to her cheek, holding her in his arms.

“Betsey, you’ve been singlehandedly doing everything for Philip while taking care of the rest of the children. You deserve to have a morning to yourself. I can take care of the two we still have at home, and then I’ll go into the office for a bit after,” Eliza just nodded as she gave in, leaning up to press a kiss to her husband’s lips before walking back into their bathroom, deciding to take more time to pamper herself.

Alexander had gone back downstairs to make some toast for Philip and grab his medication, making his way back upstairs after making sure that Lizzie was okay. 

Alexander would be lying if he said he was surprised that Philip was still asleep, although he knew that the recovery was taking a lot out of him. Waking him up was one of the worst things, and as Alexander watched Philip slowly come around and open his eyes, he immediately was able to tell that he was in pain.

"Eat some of this, and then you can have your medicine,” Alexander helped his son sit up before handing him his breakfast, taking a moment to just study his son’s features, grateful that each day he looked a little better.

“Did you sleep okay?” Alexander questioned, this whole situation so foreign to him, understanding that Eliza was much better at comforting him than he was. But what he wasn’t awful at was being able to take cues from his children, and as he watched his son’s face he realized that something wasn’t quite right.

“It was hard for me to sleep last night, I kept waking up,” Philip sighed, balancing his toast on his lap as he reached for his drink and medicine, taking them quickly.

“What do you mean?” Philip avoided eye contact with his father, obviously choosing his words carefully when speaking to his father.

“I don’t know, I just, I have nightmares over what happened,” Mumbling just loud enough for Alexander to hear him Philip immediately regretted even bringing this up, knowing his father was going to worry.

“I like, I see Eacker standing there, and he’s saying something to me but I can never make out what he’s saying. Probably because I don’t remember what he actually said that day. Then I see him pulling a gun out. I wake up every time I hear the gun shot,” Philip hates that he’s getting emotional, hates that he’s opening up like this before he even got out of bed that morning.

“Philip, how long has this been going on?” Alexander shuddered when he listened to his son speak about the recurring dream he had been having, trying to push past it to get to the bottom of all of this.

“I don’t know, for a while,” Philip shrugged, abandoning his toast in favor of the loose string on his comforter. 

“Since the hospital?” Alexander questioned, watching his son nod, “Why didn’t you say anything to Mom or me?” 

Philip finally looked up, the tears blurring his eyes, his voice shaking as he spoke, “Because you and Mom have been so worried over me, and I didn’t want to worry you more. You’ve done so much for me to make sure that I’m okay and help me with everything. I just thought maybe it would go away, but it’s not going away, Dad, it’s not,” Philip let the tears fall as he leaned his head back, taking a deep breath.

“Philip, we want to help you. Your physical injuries are what we’ve been focusing on, but your mental health is just as important,” Since becoming a father 19 years ago Alexander had his fair share of battles with his children as they got older and struggled to find their voice through the family, but this was different. This Philip was not the Philip he knew, he was timid and withdrawn, and he wanted to do anything in his power to help him.

“We will find someone who you can see to help you get through this and give you more than your mother and I can,” Alexander promised, leaning forward to hold his son’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“But what if I’m never able to get this out of my mind? What if even they can’t help me?” Philip’s voice cracked as he spoke, and for the first time in his life, Alexander didn’t have the answer.

“I don't know,” He whispered, letting his head fall, “But we will find something that will help you.”

Philip only nodded, squeezing his father’s hand as he processed everything, trying to figure out how they were supposed to go about the rest of their day after their talk that morning.

—

After spending a few hours at the office Alexander had declared that he was leaving for a little, making his way to the physical therapy office they had been paired with to begin Philip’s recovery. While he knew it was going to be mainly just basic exercises and maybe some things that they could work on at home, he felt the need to be there, more for his wife than anyone else.

“Hi Daddy!” Lizzie sat in Eliza’s arms as Philip slowly made his way out of the car, Alexander taking his daughter to press a kiss to her cheek.

“You’re going to be on your best behavior, right?” Alexander questioned as they made their way inside, Lizzie nodding. 

Alexander had gone through a whirlwind of meeting the physical therapists that were going to help his son, introducing themselves as Lyla and Brayden. Philip seemed uneasy the longer they were there, but as he sat down in the chair in the room they had been placed in, Alexander gave him a small smile and a nod of encouragement. Philip just barely returned the smile, the fear still evident on his face.

“We’re just going to sit in this chair first and work on your breathing, make sure you’re taking deep enough breaths,” Brayden explained, Philip nodding, “We sometimes find that patients who have had major abdominal surgery forget to take deeper breaths because of the pain, which can end up giving you a chest infection,” He continued, turning his attention back to Philip.

Brayden instructed him how to take proper deep breaths by counting to three and holding a breath in for a second, Philip doing his best to mimic the actions the physical therapists had showed him.

“This hurts so bad,” Philip winced as he made a fist with his good hand, his eyes shutting as he focused on doing the best that he could.

“That was a good start,” Lyla smiled as she wrote a few things down, Philip trying to relax through the pain he now found himself in. 

“It’s okay, Philip,” Lizzie had found her way right at her brother’s side, leaning forward on her tip toes to see over the arm of the chair her brother was in, reaching her tiny hand out. Philip managed a small smile and grabbed his little sister’s hand, letting her hold it while he went through the breathing exercises once more.

**@A_Hamilton: Day 1 of physical therapy for Philip. Elizabeth is ready to support him. [picture of Lizzie holding Philip’s hand]**

The appointment was filled out by doing a few more exercises and testing his strength in his abdomen since the surgery, Philip obviously exhausted as they finished up.

“We’ll work on a little more each week, but for this week we want you to try and take a walk each day, even if it’s not very far,” Brayden explained, writing down some tips for them to take home, “I’m going to send you home with a paper that has some exercise on it for your legs to work on when you’re not walking, and then we’ll try to add more abdominal exercises next time we see you.”

Quietly thanking both Lyla and Brayden before making another appointment Eliza met Alexander and Philip back out at her car where Alexander was helping Philip in, Lizzie walking just ahead of Eliza to climb into the back.

“I’ll see you when I’m back at home. I’m going to go back to the office for a few hours, get some things done,” Alexander smiled after closing the door for Philip, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to her lips, Eliza saying a quick goodbye.

“We’re going right home, right?” Philip questioned as Eliza made her way back out on the roads, nodding as she glanced over at Philip, who could barely keep his eyes open.

“Good, because I need to lay down,” He sighed, Lizzie perking up in the back seat.

“Movie with me?” She questioned, from the back seat, Philip using what little energy he had left to turn back to look at his youngest sibling, smiling.

“Sure Lizzie, we can watch a movie.”

Eliza spent the rest of the ride home holding her son’s hand, thanking God that they were beginning to see the good days ahead of them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so Philip is having nightmares :( how do you think they'll handle it?
> 
> added a cute little Lizzie/ Philip moment at the end as well :)
> 
> thank you for all of the love! more on Sunday! :)


	26. twenty six.

Eliza wakes up on a gloomy fall morning and feels just as tired as she knows she looks. But she manages to get herself and the children up, ready for school, and off walking on time, and she considers that a miracle.

Since finding out that Philip had been having nightmares Eliza had found herself waking up in the middle of the night as well, her mind not resting until she got up to check on him. Alexander stirred every night she did this, begging her to just stay in bed and trust that their son was okay, but she declined every time, her body carrying her down the hall to make sure that Philip was still sleeping.

“Do we have to go to the doctors today? I just want to lay here,” Eliza jumped at the sudden voice in the room, turning around to find Philip carefully sitting down at the island.

“It is a good day to lay around, but first we need to go see the doctor about your arm and find out what's next,” Eliza tried to be upbeat about the whole thing, bringing Philip some breakfast as he sighed, nodding.

“How did you sleep last night?” There was a fine line between being overbearing and giving Philip enough space since they had been home and Eliza knew she was cutting it very close to crossing it, but her mothering mind couldn’t help it.

“I woke up once or twice, but I feel like I rested, so I’m good,” Philip didn’t bother to look up at his mother when he answered, Eliza trusting that he wasn’t lying to her so she didn’t worry.

Instead of forcing the conversation to continue Eliza let the music she had been playing fill the kitchen once more, praying that they would get good news at the doctors in just a few hours.

—

“It’s going to be so gross underneath this splint,” Philip mumbled as he sat on the table waiting for the doctor to come in, his wheelchair left in the car at his request, wanting to get some walking in like his therapists had recommended. 

“Maybe you won’t have a big splint on anymore and we can wash it really well tonight,” Eliza replied, sending a quick text to Alexander before Dr. Cornell came back in, shaking both of their hands.

“We’re going to get this big splint off right now before we take some x-rays, make sure everything is healing nicely from your last set of x-rays back up in New York,” She began, standing just in front of Philip to help him get his sling off, looking up at him.

“I’m going to need you to hold this arm very still while I take this splint off. When it’s off, try not to move your arm around too much, we don’t want to risk something happening if your arm isn’t ready to be out of this bigger splint you’ve been in,” She explained, Philip nodding.

The further his arm became unwrapped the more range of motion Philip found himself receiving, doing everything that he could not to move around like Dr. Cornell had told him to. 

“You can flex your wrist a little while I work on getting the rest off,” She smiled as she noticed Philip eager to try, Philip gingerly moving his wrist around, wincing at the stiffness he now had.

When the splint was off and the scar was exposed Eliza struggled to take her eyes away, noticing the nasty bruises and dried blood left over from the surgery and removal of the stitches that they were unable to get before they left the hospital back in New York. It looked painful without having gone through it, and she couldn’t imagine how sore her son was.

“This looks really good, Philip. I’m happy with this,” Dr. Cornell smiled as she gently touched the scar, Philip wincing, “I’m going to have a nurse come bring you to x-ray, try not to move too much,” She reminded him before walking out of the room, Eliza walking over to where her son was sat.

“Is it sore?” She questioned, Philip nodding, looking down at the scar as well, raised and purple.

“I wanted to die when she kept running her fingers over it,” Philip laughed softly, their conversation interrupted by the nurse who had come to bring him to x-ray.

Eliza waited patiently for Philip to return, distracting her mind with texts to Alexander, excited to tell him how well things were going.

—

“The x-rays that we have to compare look really good. Everything that they repaired has stayed intact, and I’m pleased with how you’re progressing,” Hanging up the x-rays on a screen so she could show both Philip and Eliza the comparison Dr. Cornell smiled, Philip breathing a sigh of relief.

“I’m going to put you in this elbow stabilizer that just buckles on your arm, so you’ll be a lot more free. As we go further into your recovery and get more into your physical therapy we can situate the stabilizer to give you more range of motion, but for now it’s going to be completely rigid, meaning you can’t move it,” She explained as she laid the brace on the table, Philip grateful that it was better than a splint.

“It needs to stay on all the time, so you’ll have to continue using the protective bag to keep it from getting wet until I see you next time when I may be able to give you some more range of motion.”

“So no more sling?” Philip looked all too hopeful that she was going to say yes, Dr. Cornell smiling.

“I want you to wear the sling when you’re sleeping so you don’t roll on it or risk hurting it. But, if you’re careful you can have the sling off during the day,” That alone felt like a victory, Philip nodding eagerly at her instructions.

Letting her bandage up his scar so it was protected and help him get the brace on Dr. Cornell wrote a few things down, telling both of them to make an appointment in a few weeks time, Philip thanking her.

“This is a big improvement,” Eliza smiled as she held the door for Philip to walk out, relieved to see how happy he looked as they left the appointment.

“It feels so much better,” Philip smiled as he adjusted to not having a sling on, his jacket now able to be on both of his arms.

This isn't the first bit of good news they had received, but it was definitely something worth celebrating, and that alone made this a good afternoon.

—

“Woah, there’s so many bruises,” After returning home from school Angie and Alex found themselves watching TV with Philip, who had managed to nap for an hour or two before everyone got home.

“It’s so gross, you should see the scar from the surgery,” Philip mumbled as he held his arms out, letting his siblings see his arm now that there was no splint on it.

“Can I?” John questioned as he walked into the room, Philip laughing at his little brother.

“Mom’s going to help me clean the scar a little bit tonight, maybe if you’re good she’ll let you watch. It’s really gross though,” Philip warned, John making a face at his brother.

“I’m glad you’re starting to feel better,” Angie whispered as she leaned her head against her brother’s shoulder, Philip smiling.

“Me too, Ang. Thanks for helping me with everything since you came to the hospital.”

“Always, bro, always,” Angie whispered, the two of them turning their attention back to the TV.

—

Philip found himself sitting on the vanity chair in his parents bathroom, the elbow stabilizer off for a few minutes so they could clean around his scar. He had been dreading it since he saw that there was dried blood around it, knowing how bad cleaning the scars on his belly hurt every night.

“Do not move your elbow up and down while I do this, got it?” Eliza’s words were firm and enough for her Philip to nod in agreement without fighting back, Angie, Alex and John all there to help and watch, eager to see the scar their brother now had.

Eliza pulled back the bandages carefully, John whispering an “ew” when he saw the raised scar staring back at him immediately.

“Told you it was gross,” Philip winced as he took another look at it, Eliza laughing. She quickly rinsed it off and made sure to get everything off from the surgery, Philip biting back his words with his siblings in the room, not wanting to worry them.

“I know she said this looks good, but for your sake I hope it’s less harsh looking when we’re done with this recovery,” Eliza laughed as she bandaged it back up, helping Philip get the stabilizer back on. 

“You three have school tomorrow, time to start getting ready for bed,” Turning her attention to her other three children Eliza wasn’t surprised when they groaned, saying their goodnights to their older brother before making their way to their bedrooms. 

Eliza had helped Philip get the protective bag over his brace before holding his head and pressing a kiss to his temple, smiling. “I’m so proud of you, thank you for keeping a brave face in front of your siblings,” She smiled, Philip just nodding.

As he got showered and laid in bed waiting for his parents to help him change the bandages on his belly, he couldn’t help but think about how lucky he was. 

He wasn’t feeling anywhere close to his normal self, but he was laying in his bed in his parent’s house in DC, he no longer had any stitches in his body, and he was finally beginning to be more mobile after the physical therapy.

That alone made him feel lucky enough to be alive, and realize that no matter how tough things got, his little army of a family were going to be right there, ready to lift him back up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long chapter, and just a filler really, but he has the big brace off! he's making more progress, do you think it'll all go smoothly?
> 
> thank you so much for all the feedback and love on this story, it makes my day! :)
> 
> more on Thursday! :)


	27. twenty seven.

Philip sat at the breakfast table with both of his parents and Lizzie, eating what he could of his food so he was able to take his medicine. 

“Theo is home from school for break,” He spoke up, Eliza looking towards her son with a smile, “She wants to hang out today for a little while, so can I?” Feeling so much younger than nineteen Philip looked between his parents with a hint of hopefulness, Alexander unable to hide his smile.

“She's going to have to come here because you’re not ready to go to anyone else’s house, but I think it’d be good for you to see someone other than your family for a little while,” He smiled, Philip practically bursting with joy, grabbing his phone to text Theo back. 

Finishing up his breakfast and taking his medicine Philip made his way back upstairs to slowly change into different clothes, eager for Theo to arrive.

—

“You look a million times better than you did the last time I saw you,” Theo smiled after carefully hugging Philip, shrugging her coat off at the Hamilton’s front door.

“I definitely don’t feel a million times better, but I’m glad I’m at least giving off the impression that I’m doing better,” Philip smirked, Theo rolling her eyes.

“There’s the sarcasm back.”

“Hello, Theo, it’s so nice to see you again!” Eliza stepped into the doorway as both of the teenagers walked in, Theo greeting her with a warm smile.

“It’s nice to see you too, Mrs. Hamilton,” Theo smiled, following Philip back to the living room, sitting down next to him on the sofa.

“You can cuddle with me, you know, I’m not going to break,” Philip laughed as he used his good arm to pull her close, masking his wince when she got a little too close to his scars on his belly.

“I like your new elbow cast, it’s very robot-like,” Theo giggled as she carefully got more comfortable, pointing towards the brace Philip was still struggling to get used to.

“It’s so weird. I’m not sure if I like it or not, but I do like that my hand is free,” Philip smiled, Theo nodding. 

“How did the rest of finals go?” Philip questioned, finding his hand playing with the ring on her finger, a ring that was something her mother used to wear, her father giving her it when she moved to New York for school.

“Stressful. I think I did well, but I’m not sure,” Biting her lip Theo sighed, calming down to the even breathing of her boyfriend, “I had to spend a lot of nights in the library alone this time around, and it wasn’t as fun alone as it was when you were there.”

“I am the life of the party, babe, you don’t have to flatter me,” Philip teased, earning a small slap on the thigh from Theo, who only giggled in response.

“I saw you speak at the debate, you did a really good job,” Theo smiled, Philip returning the gesture.

“That was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done,” Philip admitted, Theo smiling.

“If it makes you feel any better my dad kept talking about how well you did that night when I called home. Think you made him pretty proud too,” Theo confessed, earning a smile from her boyfriend, feeling a little sheepish about getting all of the praise.

“Is it cold out?” Abruptly changing the subject Theo was caught off guard for only a second before shrugging, leaning up so she was able to look at her boyfriend in the eye.

“No, why?”

“I’m supposed to go for a walk every day, do you want to go for one now? It can’t be for that long, but at least we can go together and have some alone time without my mom and little sister with us,” Philip smirked, knowing that his mom was just in the next room over, probably able to listen in on their conversations.

Philip slowly pulled himself up off the couch and walked to the kitchen to find his mom and Lizzie baking something together, Lizzie turning towards her brother excitedly.

“Cookies, Philip!” She smiled, holding a spoonful of cookie dough in her hand, Philip laughing.

“I see Lizzie, they’re going to be so good when they’re done,” Philip smiled, Eliza turning towards her son.

“Everything okay?”

“Theo and I are going to go for a walk, but can you help me get my stuff on?” Philip questioned, Eliza nodding as she finished up the cookies, setting Lizzie back on the floor and following her eldest towards the front door, her youngest running to play with her toys in the living room.

Putting on Philip’s coat and a hat had taken longer than Theo ever thought it would, Philip already looking exhausted. She had been so worried that this was going to be a disaster and too much for Philip, but knew better than to say anything, hoping that Philip would admit when he wasn’t feeling well.

“Please don't go too far, and call me if you need me to come get you,” Eliza smiled between the two of them, Theo grabbing Philip’s hand, leading him out the door.

“I’m really lame, but we can’t walk very fast. I’m talking old man pace, Theo,” Philip laughed, doing his best to keep up with his girlfriend, who paused to wait for him.

“God, it’s like you had major surgery or something,” She teased, Philip rolling his eyes as he grabbed her hand once more, the two of them walking through the quiet streets of DC, just far enough away from where the crowds of people would be.

“You’re going to tell me if it hurts right?” Theo questioned, for the first time since she arrived, Philip taking a minute to catch his breath before looking at her.

“Theo, it hurts all of the time,” He stressed, looking back towards her, “But I’ll tell you if it hurts any more than it normally does,” He promised, and Theo had to trust him.

—

By the time the two of them returned back to the house Philip was admittedly exhausted, bringing Theo upstairs to his room so they could have some privacy.

Philip got comfortable up against his pillows, Theo laying across the bed while resting her head on Philip’s knees, the two of them taking a moment to just enjoy the silence, Theo finally deciding to speak.

“It’s so weird without you being on campus in general, you know,” Theo sighed, playing with a frayed string on Philip’s sweatpants, “Your room looks exactly the same, but you’re not there when I go to see Richard,” She mumbled, referring to Philip’s roommate.

“I’ll try to come back soon, but I don’t know,” He mumbled, Theo stopping what she was doing, turning to look at her boyfriend, who’s demeanor had changed just by the start of this conversation.

“What do you mean you don’t know? Are you not going to finish your degree?” Philip only met that question with silence, struggling to come up with a way to explain everything that had been going on mentally with him as well.

“I’ve um, I’ve been having nightmares,” He began, feeling more nervous about this than anything else that had happened in a while, “They’re all about the shooting.”

“I see it happen, but I always wake up right as the gun shot goes off. It terrifies me to go to bed every night because I know I’m going to have the same dream all over again.”

“Philip, why didn’t you tell me?” Sitting up so she was facing Philip she wasn’t surprised to see him refusing to look at her, trying to keep his emotions in check.

“I don’t know, I didn’t really tell anyone for a while,” He shrugged, taking a deep breath, “I just told my parents last week. I’m going to see a therapist soon to talk about it, and hopefully they’ll be able to help me.”

“I don’t know what I could do to help you, but I am here for you whenever you need it, okay? Literally, at any time you feel like you need to talk to someone, you can call me,” Theo whispered, leaning forward to grab Philip’s good hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“You’re not alone in this, Philip. I want to help you get better, we all do,” She whispered, Philip nodding.

“When you’re ready to come back to school, you know I’ll be there welcoming you with open arms,” She smiled, waiting until Philip finally looked at her before continuing, “And if you decide that you’re never ready to come back, I’ll support you in that decision too. I just want you to be in a place where you feel happy and safe.”

“Thank you,” He mumbled, letting the silence fill the room once more, Theo just smiling before laying back down, her lips brushing against the back of his hand.

“So, theoretically, if I were to have died, would you have moved on sooner or later?” Philip questioned after a few minutes of silence, a smirk on his face as he tried to break the ice, finding himself playing with Theo’s hair that was now splayed across his stomach.

“Philip, don’t even joke about that,” She rolled her eyes, turning over to look up at him.

“Sorry.”

“I just don't want to think about ever losing you, okay? We came close enough, let’s hope it never happens again.”

Philip only nodded, smiling when Theo had lifted up to press a quick kiss to his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas it's an update on a Saturday and a total Theo/Philip chapter! 
> 
> sorry for not updating on Thursday, i've been rushing around trying to finish things and just forgot to hit update! no update tomorrow obvs, but i will post this Thursday! :)
> 
> hope you guys like this! thought it'd be nice to just have a chapter for the two of them :)
> 
> more on Thursday! thank you for all the support! :)


	28. twenty eight.

“Here’s your medicine,” Walking into her older brother’s room Angie sat down on the edge, handing the medicine cup full of pills to her brother, holding his water for him while he took them.

“I would’ve come downstairs,” Philip sighed as he swallowed, pausing his movie to focus on his sister, who just smiled.

“Mom said you had a big day while we were at school, you deserved to rest. I personally think we should make you work for your pills, but unfortunately for me, Mom doesn’t agree,” Angie shrugged, Philip leaning forward to hit her arm, laughing.

“She said Theo came over for while and you two went for a walk,” Giggling as she teased her brother Angie wasn’t surprised that he looked a little annoyed.

“She just got home from school last night so she wanted to come visit,” He shrugged, although he could tell immediately that Angie knew there was more to the story.

“What is going on with you two?” She boldly asked, Philip rolling his eyes.

“Why does it matter?” 

“I don’t know, I just wanted to know. You’re gone for most of the year, we don’t really know what you get up to when you’re in New York,” Angie shrugged, Philip sighing.

“We’re together,” He admitted, looking at his sister, who only smirked.

“I knew it. You were pretty obvious when she came to visit you in the hospital and once you were back at the hotel,” Angie smiled, Philip laughing lightly, “Mom and Dad didn’t believe it though. They just kept saying how you two have been friends forever and it was natural for you two to be close since you went to the same school, but I knew there was more to it.”

“I’m glad you talked about my love life with Mom and Dad while I was you know, trying to stay alive,” Philip teased, Angie rolling her eyes.

“Shut up you dork, you were well on your way to being released when we discussed Theo. You know Mom would’ve freaked if we talked about your love life when you were dying,” She mumbled the final part, Philip sighing.

“Can we not make this depressing? I lived, I’m getting better, we can move past that now,” Terrified that they were going to dwell on the past once more Philip was grateful to see Angie nod, smiling.

“So, Christmas is coming soon, what are you going to get Theo?” Changing the subject Angie couldn't help but tease her brother, Philip laughing along.

“I haven’t really thought about getting her anything, but I want to. Maybe Mom will let me go out and go Christmas shopping for everyone,” There was a hint of hopefulness in his voice, Philip praying that Angie would be able to help him with this plan.

“What if you and I went together?" Angie offered, Philip's eyes widening, “It's probably a fair compromise for her, I mean I've been with you since the beginning of all of this. I know what to do if something happens or if you need help,” Angie complimented herself, Philip half smiling as he shook his head, quickly diverting the subject back to them going out.

“Maybe she'd let us. We could always say that we won’t go for long and I’ll make sure to pace myself and not do too much, maybe that’ll help?” Angie nodded at her brother’s suggestion, feeling so much younger than the two of them were as they formulated a plan to convince their parents to say yes.

“I want to ask them now,” Philip smiled, trying to mask a yawn.

“We don’t have to ask right this second. Are you sure you even want to get out of bed? I know people keep telling you how great you look, but right now you don’t look that great, you should probably rest.” 

“I’ve missed your bluntness towards me,” Philip rolled his eyes, throwing the covers off to slowly start getting out of bed, Angie leaning over to help him, ignoring the annoyed stares she was receiving from her older brother.

“You still need help,” She whispered just loud enough for him to hear, Philip just nodding as he began slowly making his way to the steps, Angie following him, making sure he was okay.

“What are you doing out of bed?” Alexander looked up from the paper when he heard footsteps coming into the room, Eliza looking as well.

“Angie and I have a question,” Philip declared, slowly sitting down on the sofa next to his mom, noticing his parents share a glance between each other.

“We want to go to the mall and get Christmas presents for everyone,” Philip spoke boldly, biting his lip in anticipation.

“Philip, the mall is too much,” Eliza immediately countered, feeling only slightly awful when the disappointment fell over his face.

“I think your mom is trying to say that you’re not quite at the strength to walk around the mall. We go on ten minute walks here and you need a nap. Unless you have super strength and can walk the mall and get gifts in ten minutes, I don’t think you’re ready for it,” The one person Philip thought would be on his side was his father, but when he had sided with his wife and not his son, Philip was immediately even more upset.

“We’ll be okay, I’ll make sure he’s okay while we’re there,” Angie interjected, Alexander sighing.

“Angie, we don’t want you to have to be the only one there,” He explained, looking between his two eldest children, “I’m sorry you guys, we’re just not ready for this step yet. Soon, but not right now.”

The silence in the room was enough to make anyone feel uneasy, Philip included. He wasn’t sure that there was anything he could say to change their minds, mostly because what his parents had said were probably true.

“I’ll take the wheelchair,” It was a bold statement for Philip by any means, and not necessarily one he wanted to make. Eliza and Alexander both shared a glance, Eliza’s eyes closing as she took a deep breath.

“You actually need to use it, Philip,” She looked at him with a stern face, Philip nodding.

“I will, I promise.”

“You two can go tomorrow. You have two hours. Any longer and I want you to check in,” Alexander took a step back and let his wife handle this, not wanting to overrule what she was obviously deciding, “Angie, you make him use his wheelchair. Philip, you are not ready to walk the mall, do not even think you are with only your sister with you, who really can’t support your weight.”

Both Philip and Angie nodded, promising that they would do as told before Philip slowly made his way across the couch, pressing himself against his mother’s side. Eliza rolled her eyes before smiling, moving her arm to wrap it around her eldest, giving his arm a gentle squeeze.

“Love you, Mama. Thank you for taking care of me for the past few weeks,” Philip smiled, wincing as he readjusted against her side, trying to find a more comfortable position.

“I love you too, my sweet boy,” She smiled, pressing a quick kiss to the top of his curls, “But I will love you even more when you make your way back up to your room to get some rest so the pain isn’t as bad.”

Philip only rolled his eyes, slowly sitting up to do as his mom said, Eliza watching with pride as her son walked under his own power, without any assistance on the steps.

It seemed like such a simple task, but right now, it was something that deserved to be celebrated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about no update yesterday, i got home from work late and didn't have time!
> 
> but how do you think the mall will go?!
> 
> thank you for all of the love and support on this story as always <3 more on Sunday! :)


	29. twenty nine.

It was a cold winter morning when Philip and Angie arrive at the mall, the gloomy day threatening snow on them, something Angie was hoping stayed away until they got home.

“I’ll get your wheelchair out, old man,” Angie teased as she got out of the front seat of their car, Philip just shaking his head as he did the same, walking to the back of the car to find his wheelchair already set up, carefully sitting down.

“You’re going to have to push me, doing this one-handed is going to take the whole day,” Philip reminded his sister, Angie mumbling a response before beginning to push her brother towards the entrance, Philip praying that this went off without a hitch.

Overall they made it to almost every store, getting gifts for all of their siblings. Philip had only remembered that he needed to get something for Theo just before they were ready to go, Angie sighing.

“Do you even know what to get her?” She questioned, Philip put in charge of holding the bags on his lap while she pushed him.

“I don't know, maybe a necklace or something? You’re a girl, Ang, you need to help me with this,” Philip whined, Angie rolling her eyes, aware that her brother couldn’t see her.

“Philip, I don't know Theo as well as you do,” She reminded him, making her way towards the jewelry store, hopeful that they could find something there. Philip stood up from his chair to be able to see everything better, Angie staying close by in case she needed to help her brother.

“I like this one,” Philip finally pointed out a necklace that had a small x in the middle, earrings to match it.

“You going for the earrings too?” Angie questioned, smiling as her brother nodded, getting the worker’s attention to help them out so he could pay for it.

“Can we go home now?” Angie questioned, Philip nodding as he sat back down, situating all of the bags once more so Angie could push without having to juggle other things.

As they got everything in the car and Philip settled himself in the passenger seat he looked over at his little sister, smiling.

“Thank you for doing this for me, Ang, it was nice to get out for a little while and not be laying around or going to therapy,” Philip smiled, Angie glancing over at him as she came to a red light, returning the gesture.

“It was nice to hang out again like this, I feel like it’s been so long,” Leaning her head back on the head rest Angie took a moment to gather her words, not looking back at Philip.

“I know you don’t like talking about it, but it really was scary seeing you so sick, you know?” Angie began, Philip letting her speak. While he had been struggling himself, he often forgot how much his family had been affected, especially Angie, who had been there soon after he had been shot.

“There were days where we didn’t know if you were going to live, Philip. You were so out of it. You were so, so sick,” Angie was grateful that she was driving and able to push back the tears to be able to see the road, not wanting to cry in front of her brother like this, “You started getting better, and it was amazing. You’re getting back to who you are, and it’s amazing.”

“If you would’ve told me a few weeks ago that you and I would be going Christmas shopping together and we would be in DC I would’ve told you that you were crazy. But we are, and you’re going to be okay, and we’re going to get through this as a family.”

Philip just smiled, glancing over at his sister, who still refused to look at her brother, even when they were stopped.

“I know I wasn’t really with it when you first got there, but it means a lot that you even wanted to come see me. I don’t know if I could’ve seen you the way that I was,” From the stories he’s heard and how he vaguely remembers feeling when he was coherent enough to feel the pain Philip knew he wasn’t in good shape, and everything was so uncertain.

“You’re my big brother, Philip. You’ve always been there for me, I wanted to be there for you. It sucked, it was hard, and I was so afraid that I wasn’t going to have you anymore. I need you, Philip. I know I’m annoying and I get mad at you sometimes but I’m your little sister. The thought of not having you physically here was so hard.”

“Hey,” Philip interjected, using his good arm to grab his sister’s free hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, “It’s okay. I’m here, I’m not in danger of dying from this anymore, and I’m getting better. I’m always going to be your big brother, Ang, I promise. I’m not quitting that easily,” He laughed, Angie laughing along as she pulled away, wiping at her eyes.

Getting all of that off of her chest had felt like a weight lifted off of her shoulders, praying that they had all turned a corner with expressing how they were feeling.

—

While Philip had spent most of their morning in a wheelchair and not walking around he still felt exhausted, the muscles in his stomach used to help him sit up having been worked for a better part of the day.

Unfortunately he didn't see the logic in that, and as he stood up from his bed to go downstairs for a snack Philip pushed through the weakness he thought was just because he had been sitting for a while, making his way out into the hall.

Eliza had been in the kitchen when she heard a crash upstairs, not really turning an eye when she assumed it was the boys being rough like normal. It was only when she heard the cries that she dropped what she was doing and ran faster than she thought was possible, Alexander meeting her in the hall where Philip was leaning up against the wall, now on the floor.

“Philip, what happened?” Bending down to his son’s level Alexander rested a hand on Philip’s shoulder, Eliza crouching in front of him as well.

“I fell,” Philip mumbled, answering as if his parents couldn’t have gathered that when they found their son on the floor, “Oh my God, it hurts,” He moaned, his head rolling to the side as Alexander glanced at his wife, who leaned forward to rest her hand on her son’s face.

“Philip, look at me, sweetheart,” Eliza tried to keep her voice even and ignore the now gathering crowd of her other children in the hallway, waiting until Philip moved his head to look at her, “What hurts? What did you hit?” 

“Hit my arm, but my stomach hurts,” He whispered, trying to take deep breaths as Eliza nodded, standing up.

“Alexander, please help him to the car, I’m going to call his doctor. I think we need to go to the hospital,” While Alexander agreed wholeheartedly with his wife Philip didn’t quite think the same, immediately shaking his head.

“No, no hospital, please. I want to stay here,” He whispered, Alexander motioning for his wife to go call while he looked at his son.

“Philip, this was a bad fall, we just want to make sure you didn’t hurt yourself too bad, okay? Just a quick trip, and then we’ll be back,” He reasoned, Philip not answering, instead letting his dad and Alex help him off the ground.

“Do you think you can walk to the car?” He questioned, Philip just nodding as he walked slower than he had in days, Alexander holding his hand the whole way.

“We’ll be back soon, Aunt Angelica will come over to be with you in a little, okay?” Eliza told all of her children as she followed her husband and eldest son out the door, pressing kisses to her other children on the way out.

As she climbed into the passenger seat and glanced back at her son who was still clearly in pain she sighed, taking a minute to say a quick prayer that everything would be just fine, and this was just an accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating yesterday, i was in the city with my family and got home way later than i thought i was going to! 
> 
> you didn't think he'd have no more drama, right? do you think he's okay?
> 
> i'm going to update on wednesday this week, so you don't have to wait long to find out, promise! thank you as always for reading and supporting this, it always makes my day! :)
> 
> more wednesday! (for real, i won't miss the update!) :)


	30. thirty.

Eliza glances at her son lying in the hospital bed and her mind immediately floods with memories from New York, memories she wishes she was able to forget.

This time is much less serious, although it doesn’t settle Eliza’s mind any more, knowing that they could be facing a setback in her son’s recovery.

“You feeling okay, Philip?” It was Eliza who broke the silence first, watching her son from where she was sat by the wall in the small emergency room, taking a moment to study his features while they waited for the next steps to finding out if he was okay.

“It still hurts, but I really just want to go home,” He mumbled, turning his head to look over to where his parents were sat, a pitiful look on his face, “Can we please just go home?”

Before Eliza had a chance to answer her son Alexander stood up from his chair, walking over to his son’s bedside to take a seat on the edge. 

“We want nothing more than to bring you home, but if your mom and I did that and there is something seriously wrong, we wouldn’t be able to forgive ourselves,” Alexander was always known for being loud and outspoken, but as Eliza watched him interact with their first-born the way he interacts with all of their children on a daily basis, she can’t help but get emotional.

“As soon as we know that you’re okay, we will bring you home and then you can sleep all you want, okay?” Alexander questioned, leaning forward to take Philip’s hand, his thumb mindlessly caressing the back of his hand while he minded the monitor attached to his son’s finger.

“Just please don’t make me stay overnight,” Philip whispered, watching his father take a deep breath, letting his head fall as he gathered the words to say.

“If you need to stay overnight, Mom and I will be there with you the whole time. We want to bring you home, but we need to do what the doctors say is best for you,” Alexander soothed, Philip just nodding, letting his hand fall back down to the bed, turning his head and letting his eyes shut.

“You did the right thing,” Eliza whispered as her husband came back to sit next to her, letting her head rest on his shoulder.

“Just hate how much bad stuff has had to happen to him. When is he going to catch a break?” Eliza let that question from her husband linger in the air, so unsure of the answer herself.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door, an older nurse coming in, a small smile on her face as she introduced herself as Anne.

“I’m going to bring you up for some x-rays and a CT Scan so we can get some pictures for your doctors to look at, it won’t take us too long and then we’ll have some answers,” She smiled, Philip nodding as he got a little more comfortable on the bed, letting his mom kiss his forehead before he was wheeled out of the room, down the unfamiliar hallways of the hospital he found himself in.

Philip was gone for just over 30 minutes before he was wheeled back in, Anne promising that the doctors would be in to talk with them soon. 

“I had to take so many deep breaths during the CT Scan I thought I was going to die,” Philip spoke quietly as he continued to keep his eyes shut, Eliza laughing softly as she walked over to his bed, pushing his hair out of his face.

“I’m sure you did fine, sweetheart.”

“I moved once and he had to redo the whole picture, I felt like I was going to die right then,” He continued, Eliza just shaking her head, squeezing her son’s arm gently as he dozed in and out, trying to stay awake to talk to both of his doctors.

It was Dr. Bates who came in first, shaking all of their hands as he sat down, pulling two photos from CT Scans up on the screen, “The one on the left is your CT Scan two days after surgery, and the right is the one you just had done,” He explained, Eliza and Alexander studying it as if they knew exactly what it all meant.

“From what I can see, you haven’t done any damage to your belly with this fall,” He turned back to the three of them, a small smile on his face, “But I am a little concerned with why and how you fell in the first place.”

Standing up from the chair and grabbing a pair of gloves from the cabinet Dr. Bates made his way over to the bed, Philip carefully lifting up the hospital gown to expose the bandages, his sweatpants still on, “I know you’re sore and this is probably going to hurt, but I just need to make sure the incisions are okay. Now, are you going to tell me how this happened?” He smirked, Philip sighing.

"I just got up and didn't feel that well, but I thought I could at least make it downstairs to get some medicine or some help,” Philip explained carefully, his eyes staying fixed on the doctor, who had removed his bandages to get a better look at the incisions.

“I know that you’re getting better and your independence is slowly coming back, but Philip, we cannot rush this recovery,” Dr. Bates reminded him, Philip wincing as he pressed down around his incisions, doing everything he could not to cry out in pain. 

“You were very lucky this time, you just have a bit of bleeding from the incision, but it didn’t burst back open and it just looks like some minor bruising around, which I was expecting,” He smiled, walking back over to the counter to grab some bandages, re-bandaging the incisions once more. “Your vitals look really strong, and I’m really pleased with your oxygen levels right now,” He gestured towards the monitor on Philip’s finger, Philip glancing up at the screen it was attached to as Dr. Bates began to talk again, “But we don’t know that next time you’ll be as lucky,” He reminded him, Philip just nodding, his eyes now fixated on the monitor on his finger.

“You can use a heat pack for the pain for the next few days, and when I see you again next week we’ll reevaluate where we are and go from there,” He smiled, shaking all of their hands once more before leaving the room, Philip letting his head fall back against the pillows.

“One more, and then we’re home free. That was much better news than it could’ve been,” Eliza reminded her son, Philip just nodding as he waited patiently, relieved when Dr. Cornell finally walked in, saying hello to all of them before taking a seat on the same chair.

“I’ve reviewed your x-rays, but here is the comparison so you can see it a little better,” She turned the computer screen so all three of them could see it a little better, “Nothing is broken or displaced from this, which is good news,” She smiled, standing up to walk over to the bed.

Slowly taking off the brace Philip cringed at the bruises that seemed to form in a matter of hours, biting his lip to stop from crying out in pain when she pressed around, “I’m sorry, I know that’s sore. I just need to make sure everything feels okay, too,” Dr. Cornell glanced down at Philip and was immediately able to see his discomfort, Philip sighing in relief when she finally stopped, grabbing his brace to put back on.

“I’m going to keep you out of physical therapy for one more week to let this heal,” She began, going back over to sit down, looking between the three of them, “The swelling should go down in a few days, but if it’s really bothering you, you can have the brace off and put some ice on it, although don’t stay out of the brace for too long.”

“When I see you in the next few weeks we’ll re-evaluate and decide how much longer you’ll need to stay away from physical therapy, but for now let’s not work on your arm this week. Obviously if things feel worse or if something like this happens again call me and we’ll check on it again,” Making sure they had no questions she promised to send a nurse in with the discharge papers, looking back to Philip as she stood in the doorway.

“Please be careful, no more of these emergency visits, please,” She smiled, Philip just laughing softly as he nodded, thanking her before she left.

Eliza spent the car ride home glancing at her son in the back seat every chance she could without him noticing, silently thanking God that this wasn’t as serious as it could’ve been, and they were able to bring him home without much drama in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just some parents/Philip moment! :) thought it was best to leave it there since it was already getting long haha.
> 
> i can't believe that we're at chapter thirty already! we're almost done :(
> 
> thank you for all of the love, it makes my day whenever i see the kudos/comments!
> 
> more on Sunday! :)


	31. thirty one.

Eliza knows she looks as exhausted as she feels.

Her eyes are threatening to close at the dinner table while she makes sure all of her other children are fed, her mind unable to process things the way that they normally would.

Alexander watched his wife with careful eyes, standing up from his seat at the large table in the kitchen, looking between their younger children, Philip upstairs in bed after an eventful evening.

“Finish up your dinner please, and then we’ll have a movie night before we need to get some sleep,” Alexander smiled, his kids chorusing a variety of cheers, Angie smiling at her father, praying that this meant things were okay.

“You go see Philip, I know you’re worried,” Alexander whispered as he walked to his wife’s side of the table, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, “You spend some time with him, just relax. I’ll watch a movie with the kids and then get the younger ones in bed, you don’t have to worry about it,” He promised, Eliza giving him an uneasy glance before giving in, standing up from her chair.

Pressing kisses to each of her children’s foreheads Eliza slipped away from the kitchen atmosphere that was so vibrant and filled with joy by her other children, ascending the staircase, Philip’s room just a little further down the hall.

“Hi baby,” Eliza smiled when she opened the door to her teenager’s bedroom, Philip watching a movie himself.

“Hi Mama,” Philip gave her a small smile, Eliza shutting his bedroom door behind her, walking over to his bed.

“Do you mind if we spend some time together?” She questioned, relieved when her son gave her an enthusiastic shake of his head, carefully moving over so she could lay down beside him, “You feeling okay?” The question was beginning to roll off of her tongue as easy as her children’s names do, feeling the repetitiveness from the past few weeks taking over.

“It still really hurts, but I’m okay,” He mumbled, Eliza’s hand snaking around his shoulder, Philip easing into the touch as if it would make him feel instantly better.

The silence filled the room as Eliza found herself more comfortable in her son’s bed, Philip’s breathing even as they once again became engrossed in the movie he had been watching since they arrived back home from the hospital.

“Mama,” Philip’s voice, sounding much younger and naive than his normal demeanor, a nineteen year old who was fiercely independent and always had been, “Do you think I’ll ever be better?”

It was a question that Eliza had asked herself on nights she found herself unable to sleep. A question that caused her both discomfort and worry as she laid with her husband sleeping beside her, blissfully unaware of how she felt in her own mind.

Now she listens to her son ask the question that she still has yet to find an answer to, and she knows she is supposed to come up with an answer. She knows she’s supposed to be able to give all of her children answers to anything they may ask, but this is one that leaves her speechless.

“I don’t know, sweetheart.” Eliza finally comes up with, feeling Philip deflate against her side, “I want to tell you yes, but I…I don’t know,” She whispers, immediately wishing that she had come up with an answer that didn’t leave them both full of disappointment.

“I just want the nightmares to stop. I don’t like the pain, but I think maybe I could learn to live with it?” Philip is speaking so softly that Eliza doesn’t know if she should interrupt or let him continue, wanting to assure him that he was okay, “But I don’t know if I could live the rest of my life seeing Eacker standing there pointing a gun at me,” His words are harsh and cruel, Eliza briefly pausing to tell him to get those thoughts out of his mind before realizing that he actually lived through that, and this wasn’t a figment of his imagination.

“We are going to do everything to get you better, both physically and mentally,” It was a promise that Eliza was intent on keeping, despite not completely understanding how she was going to do it.

“But you are doing everything you can. I’m taking you away from the other kids, and they still need you too,” Philip’s voice shook as he whispered, Eliza’s thumb caressing her son’s shoulder.

“They are getting our attention too, you are not a burden,” She reminded him, Philip just shaking her head, turning to press it into her shoulder.

“I’m sorry for worrying you all so much the last few weeks, I don’t want to worry you. I’m sorry, Mom, I am,” He cried, his tears dampening Eliza’s shirt as his body heaved, clearly trying to stop the sobs from coming full force.

“Philip, my son, look at me,” Eliza spoke softly giving Philip a few moments before he finally looked up at her, “You have nothing to be sorry for. You are doing everything just right, and your father and I are so proud of you, as are your siblings.”

“I still remember the first day we brought you home from the hospital right after I had you,” Eliza smiles at the memory after letting their voices stay quiet for a few minutes, her fingers gently rubbing against her son’s shoulder, “Your dad and I were so scared,” She laughed, Philip only pulling himself a little closer to her side.

“You were so tiny, and we were so scared that we would hurt you if we touched you the wrong way. But you were the perfect little boy, you slept more than anyone thought you would, you barely fussed, we almost thought something was wrong,” She laughed, Philip smiling.

“Was I the best child?” Philip smirked as Eliza laughed, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of his head.

“Best baby, yes. But when you got to be a toddler and a little boy, you gave your father and I a run for our money,” Eliza recalls, her mind flashing back to Philip constantly getting into things while she was preoccupied with the other children, occasionally being too rough and getting himself injured.

“These years have just flown by so fast, and I know that you’re relying on your dad and I a lot right now, but my little boy is all grown up and independent, and I don’t think I could ever not be proud of you,” She whispered, her fingers tracing his name on the hospital bracelet from that afternoon, Philip’s breathing staying even.

“I’m sorry for everything being so crazy and for me needing you all of the time, but I love you for helping me through all of this. Thank you,” He whispered, wincing as he moved back to get more comfortable, Eliza falling asleep alongside her son, both of them exhausted.

Alexander come to Philip’s room to check on the pair after getting the younger children in bed, smiling when he saw the two of them asleep.

**@A.Hamilton: These past few weeks have been some of the most difficult and worst times for our family, but a mother’s love and comfort is the best way to help get through this recovery. [picture of Eliza and Philip asleep in his bed]**

—

Philip finds himself sitting on an uncomfortable couch that reminds him of something his grandfather would have in his house upstate, waiting for the therapist to come in to start their session.

Eliza was told to stay in the waiting room, and while Philip understood that they wanted it to be one-on-one so he could express his feelings without his mom watching him, he really just wanted her next to him, promising him that it would be okay, that it was okay to ask for help and talk about these things.

“Philip?” Looking towards the door Philip smiled at the older man walking in, watching him walk towards the sofa and introducing himself as Mark.

“I know you’re kind of unfamiliar with all of this, and today there isn’t going to be much that we’re going to do as far as going in depth with the therapy sessions, but any questions you have feel free to ask me,” He explained, Philip nodding as he grabbed the pillow from the side of the sofa, pressing it against his side in hopes that it would help him feel less sore from sitting up from so long.

“Why don’t you start by telling me what exactly happened,” Mark instructed, grabbing a notebook before looking back at Philip, a calm expression on his face. Philip nodded slowly, taking a deep breath as he focused on the wall behind Mark, not wanting to make eye contact.

“I um, I was at the library I think? Or maybe I was going there,” Philip thought back, shaking his head quickly to clear his mind and continue on with the story, “A few days before a kid named George Eacker had said something in class and I called him out on it. I know I probably shouldn’t have,” He shrugged, Mark smiling, jotting a few things down.

“He came up to me a few days later and asked me to apologize, but I didn’t want to, so I tried to walk away. I don’t really remember much after that, I just remember that he pulled out a gun and everyone around us screamed. I don’t remember him shooting me or what happened after,” Philip took a deep breath to calm himself down, Mark glancing over.

“What are the main issues you find you have mentally from this?” He questioned, Philip using his good arm to run his fingers along the brace on his arm, still sore from his accident the day before.

“I have trouble sleeping. It seems like every time I fall asleep I just see him standing there, and sometimes I see him fire the gun, but other times I wake up as I hear the shot,” Talking about something that he had kept private for so long wasn’t coming easy to Philip, who really wanted nothing more than to just be in bed and away from all of this.

“How long have you been having these dreams?”

“For as long as I can remember, so since I came out of the heavy medications back in New York. I’ve been home here about two weeks, so maybe almost a month?” Philip struggled with the timeline when his mind had been on pain medications for the last few weeks, causing him to forget things much easier than he normally would have. It didn’t seem to bother Mark, however, who just nodded and jotted a few more things down.

As the therapy session continued and Philip was left to face his fears of talking about what he wanted to happen, how it made him feel throughout the day, and if he had found anything that had helped him out, he was relieved to see Mark begin to wrap up the session, saving the rest for the next week.

“For this week, I’m just going to give you some short readings that’s going to outline the therapy that we’ll be working through to help you cope with this,” Mark stood up to walk over to a chest in the corner of the room, pulling out two stapled packets for Philip, who just nodded, “For now I want you to read these through and remember to focus on your breathing when you’re feeling anxious or stressed out, and we’ll dive more into this next week.”

Philip shakily stood up from the sofa to shake Mark’s hand before following him out to the waiting room, Eliza standing up with a small smile on her face.

“How was it?” She questioned after they had made their next appointment and slowly made their way to the car, Philip managing to give her a small shrug.

“It was okay. I like Mark,” He decided as he slid into the passenger seat, letting his head rest against the window, “I just hope this works."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's a little late! i've been busy and just got home! but it's a long chapter!
> 
> some mother/son moments and Philip starts therapy! how do you think it'll go?
> 
> honestly, thank you for all of the love and everything that you show this story. i'm so sad it's going to be ending soon! 
> 
> more on Wednesday! :)


	32. thirty two.

Alexander Hamilton is not one to usually bite his tongue, often speaking his mind despite his thought sometimes becoming controversial.

It takes everything in his power not to yell at the physical therapists for being too hard on his son after his accident.

“They’re hurting him,” He mumbles to no one in particular, his hands balling up into fists to help release some pent up tension. Eliza doesn’t miss her husband’s comments and demeanor, reaching her hand over to grab his hand, rubbing her thumb softly.

“They know his limits, Philip knows his limits,” She whispered, her head falling against his shoulder, “He’s never going to get any better if he’s not challenged a little bit,” Eliza reminded him, Alexander deciding to stay quiet, keeping his eyes focused on his son.

“Philip did really well today,” Lyla smiled as she walked over to where Eliza and Alexander had sat watching, sitting down with them, “He told us about his accident before we began, and we did notice that he was in a little bit more pain and a little less responsive today, which is normal,” She explained, Eliza nodding.

“We’ve already told him, but continuing to walk is something that we want him to do, as well as some new exercises for his stomach and hand to get his hand moving again.” Handing Eliza a small packet of different exercises for Philip to do both hers and Alexander's minds were swimming, Alexander glancing back to where Philip was still sat with Brayden, looking exhausted and in pain.

Quickly booking another appointment for the following week Alexander walked to where his son was sat, bending down to his level, “Are you okay, buddy?” He questioned, glancing at Brayden, who looked as if he was trying to mask his own concerns.

“I’m really, really sore,” He whispered, his eyes staying closed as he focused on his breathing, Eliza walking over to join the small group.

“Keep focusing on your breathing, Philip, you’re doing really well,” Brayden spoke up, watching Philip focus on taking deep breaths, Alexander not missing the wince his son had each time.

“I think I need my wheelchair,” With his voice above a whisper Philip’s eyes finally opened, looking over to where his parents were.

Eliza just nodded before turning on her heels to go back to their car, where his wheelchair sat in the back just in case. Alexander took to reaching his hand out for Philip to hold, Philip taking up the offer, squeezing gently as he tried to focus on his breathing.

“I feel so stupid right now,” Philip laughed as his head fell to the side to look at his father, Alexander shaking his head.

“You are not being stupid right now,” He chastised, Brayden looking towards the pair.

“Philip, you are in the beginning of physical therapy for some of the worst injuries I have worked with. The way you feel right now is expected, and frankly, if you didn’t feel like this I’d be worried that you’re not making enough progress,” He spoke, Alexander briefly wondering if he was just lying to his son, or if the therapy sessions would always end like this.

“As the weeks go on, you will be able to see the difference, and eventually you’ll be able to look back on this moment and wonder why it felt so hard,” Alexander was grateful that Brayden was having this conversation, no matter how real it was, especially when he saw Philip being receptive of what he was saying.

Eliza had returned with her son's wheelchair and let both Brayden and Alexander help him into it, the three of them making their way back out to the car, ready to go home.

“I'll get you some lunch and then you can have some medicine and sleep when we get back to the house,” Eliza turned to look at her son in the back seat, Philip just barely nodding, leaning his head against the window.

—

“Philip, are you awake?” Knocking on the door twice before pushing it open John stood in the doorway of his brother’s bedroom, relieved to see that he was already awake, and he hadn’t woken him up.

“What’s up, buddy?” Philip questioned, pushing himself to sit up a little more, watching John walk to the edge of his bed and sit down. 

“I have math and English homework but Mama is helping James with his homework, and Dad isn’t home from his office yet. Can you help me?” His voice was timid as he asked his older brother letting his head fall to look down at the ground, “Or if you don’t feel good I can just wait for Mama to be done helping James. Mama said you didn’t feel good,” He mumbled, Philip laughing quietly as he shook his head.

“I can help you, John. Come sit with me though, cause I’m not sure I can sit next to you in my desk chair right now,” Watching Johns’s face light up was more than enough for Philip, who moved over just slightly to let his brother sit down, spreading his homework out on his lap.

“What do we want to start with?” Philip questioned, glancing between the papers his brother had set out, waiting for him to answer.

“Math, cause I don't like it so I want to get it over with,” John sighed, Philip laughing as he nodded, letting his brother read over what was on the page, carefully guiding him through it. 

“See, you can do it! If you don’t get overwhelmed and take it one step at a time, you can,” Philip encouraged, John shrugging, “You’re going to be better than me at math really soon,” Philip teased, John laughing as he shook his head.

Finishing up the math worksheet the pair moved onto the English homework, Alexander peeking his head in after arriving home from the office, “What is going on in here?”

“I’m helping John with his homework,” Philip spoke as he read through the instructions, glancing up at his dad, “And don’t worry, I feel fine and he doesn’t need to leave me alone so you can help him,” He smirked, Alexander just shaking his head as he laughed, leaving the two of them be. 

“Mama and Daddy are always asking you if you’re okay, it’s so annoying,” John mumbled as he wrote out one of his sentences, practicing his cursive. Philip laughed at his brother’s remarks, using his good arm to ruffle his little brother’s hair.

“Trust me buddy, I know. But they're just worried. It’s okay, I’ve gotten used to it,” He explained, John nodding as he wrote the last sentence, setting his homework down on his brother’s bedside table, carefully cuddling into Philip's side.

“Just for a few minutes,” He whispered as he closed his eyes, Philip just nodding, “I’m glad you’re going to be okay, Pip,” John mumbled as he used his nickname for Philip when he was much younger, Philip smiling as he got more comfortable himself, carefully pulling his brother further into his side.

“Me too, John, me too.”

Eliza finished up with the children’s homework before going upstairs to check and see how John’s homework was going with Philip helping him, Alexander informing her after he found them.

She wasn’t completely surprised when she walked upstairs to find them both asleep, John’s now completed homework on the bedside table, all of it correct when she checked it over. Deciding to let them be while she started getting dinner ready, Eliza couldn’t help but snap a photo, deciding to post to Twitter for the first time in months.

**@Eliza_Ham: It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been on Twitter after everything, but we are all very happy and relieved to have Philip at home with us recovering and making incredible strides [picture of John and Philip napping]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thought it'd be nice to have a brother moment! obviously getting back into therapy is difficult, but it will get better! 
> 
> thank you guys so much for the comments and kudos and bookmarks, i'm still blown away by the love this story got! i really wasn't expecting anything omg.
> 
> more on Saturday this week, my friend is getting married Sunday so i won't have time to update then! so you don't have to wait as long this week woo! :)


	33. thirty three.

The crisp December air in Washington DC had been one of Philip’s favorite feelings since he was a little boy, often getting giddy when the snow would fall peacefully underneath the flickering street lights outside his bedroom window.

He has vivid memories of being a little boy and watching with excitement as the snow came down in heaps, often canceling school for a few days. He remembers making snow forts and having snowball fights with the neighborhood kids, coming inside hours later for hot chocolate and warming up by the fire, his mother telling him that his button nose was now beat red from hours of fun.

The absolute best moment in his mind was when the snow would be fresh on Christmas Day, waiting for them to come out and run around after opening their presents. Christmas Day had always been the one day that their family was all home together, Alexander taking one day off to be with his family. They would spend the morning opening presents and eating together, many of the older children then making their way outside to play, Eliza beginning to make Christmas dinner.

“Pip, Pip!” Philip stirred awake to the patter of tiny feet running down the hallway and into his room, Lizzie and William running over to his bed. Philip turned so he was able to see them better, their eyes lighting up in excitement.

“It’s Christmas, Philip! We have to see what Santa brought!” William bounced between his feet excitedly, Lizzie agreeing before running over to the window near Philip’s bed, gasping quietly.

“Snow!” She smiled, her tiny finger pressing against the cold glass, Philip pulling himself to sit up, feeling the excitement in his chest himself.

“There is snow, Lizzie! Maybe after we open presents we can go out and play in it,” He encouraged, Eliza coming in to give him his medicine before helping him out of bed, the entire Hamilton family making their way downstairs to see what Santa had brought.

As Philip sat on the sofa with Angie leaning against his good side and James on his other side he took a moment to look around the room, realizing all of the differences this Christmas had brought them.

His siblings had all seemed so much older than even a few months before when he had left to go back to New York for school. Lizzie was gaining more independence in an attempt to keep up with her siblings, all shortly before her third birthday.

All of his brothers had somehow grown older and more mature, looking after their sisters and mother in Philip’s absence. While he was now home he was by no means able to help out around the house, but to watch his brothers step up with things he had once done alone had made him proud, thankful that they had learned something from him.

Then he glances at his parents. They’re curled up in the love seat by the roaring fire, watching all of their children excitedly rip through their presents, Philip’s still sat wrapped in his lap. They look so happy, so content, and when he thinks about, he realizes they probably are.

This is the first morning in ages he can remember that they weren’t running to an appointment or rushing children off to school. Their father was home, no one was dressed, and they were celebrating the holiday together as a family.

Eliza notices her son with his unopened presents and smiles, managing to speak up over the commotion of the rest of the family, “Open your presents, baby, and then we can eat.”

Philip just nods, briefly staring at the presents and wondering how he’s going to manage to open them one handed. Then he decides to put his therapy to the test, holding the first present in his good hand.

“Do you want help?” James questioned when he noticed his brother contemplating on how he was going to make this all work, Philip quickly shaking his head.

Instead he used his right hand very carefully, focusing on grabbing a the paper and peeling it back, the pain in his elbow only slightly bothering him. Eliza noticed and nudged at her husband, nodding over towards where Philip was sat across the room, Alexander’s face spreading out into a smile to see Philip’s excitement over both his accomplishment and the new book he had received.

“Philip, you did it!” Alexander exclaimed, Philip laughing softly as he nodded, setting the book down to push his hair out of his face.

“It felt weird and not natural, but it’s at least somewhat working!” He joked, Eliza rolling her eyes as she stood up to start cleaning up, walking over to the sofa to press kisses to her three children’s heads.

“I’m proud of you,” She whispered to Philip as she gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze, Philip just smiling in return.

As he leaned back and watched his siblings play with their new toys excitedly, he doesn’t think he could be more grateful to be back home and back on his way to feeling better, his family right by his side.

—

“I know you’re mad at me, but I’m doing this to protect you,” Eliza sighed as she handed Philip a mug of hot chocolate, letting him rest in the recliner. 

While the rest of his siblings got to enjoy the snow that had fallen overnight Eliza had made him stay in, fearful that he would fall and hurt himself, or catch a cold, which could send him back to the hospital. Philip whined and argued, but when it came down to it he knew it was a battle he wouldn’t win, finally giving up to go sit in the recliner.

“‘m not mad, I just really wanted to go out and be in the snow for a little bit,” Philip whispered as he curled his cold hands around the mug, blowing gently on the hot liquid.

“We just can’t risk you getting hurt or sick right now, sweetheart, I’m sorry. You’ve already got that cough from your siblings, that can’t get any worse. Maybe in a few weeks it’ll snow again and you can go out then,” Eliza promised, running her fingers through his curls as he nodded, his attention going back to the Christmas movies playing on TV, Eliza making her way back to the kitchen to work on dinner.

“Philip?” The voice was timid beside him as Philip turned to look at his brother, William holding a book in his hand.

“Hey buddy, what are you doing inside already?” Philip questioned, watching his brother look at him with large eyes, shrugging.

“It’s cold,” He smiled, turning his attention to the book in his hand, “Can we read this?” He questioned, Philip nodding.

“Can you climb up here? I can’t lift you, but we can move to the sofa,” He offered, William nodding as he carefully climbed up, Eliza watching from the kitchen.

“Boys, be careful please,” She warned, Philip just nodding as he used his good arm to situate William as comfortable as they both could be, William cautious as he leaned on his brother’s good side, half sitting in his lap.

“Is this the book you got from Santa?” Philip questioned as William nodded, holding it out so they both were able to see it. Philip studied the book before reading the title out loud, William looking up at him.

“No, I’m reading it to you,” He whined, Philip smiling as he nodded.

“Okay buddy, go ahead,” He promised, William nodding as he began sounding out the words, Philip smiling just beside him.

If there was one thing he hated about being so far away from home while he was at school, it was missing out on moments like these. His four year old brother was sounding out words carefully to him in a new book he had received, only asking for help a handful of times.

“You’re doing so well, buddy,” Philip smiled as William nodded, using his finger to guide along the word, sounding it out carefully. Alexander walked back in from supervising the children outside, smiling at the scene he had walked into.

**@A_Hamilton: Merry Christmas from the Hamilton’s [picture of the fireplace and Christmas tree]**

**@A_Hamilton: Philip isn’t allowed out to enjoy the snow to prevent illness or injury, but William has decided to keep him company [picture of William and Philip reading together]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for not updating this weekend, time got away from me with the wedding and i didn't get a chance. back to normal now!
> 
> just a cute Christmas with the fam :) back to recovery next chapter!
> 
> how do you think things will go? what do you want to see happen in the story?
> 
> thank you for all of the love and support you give this story as always! more on Sunday! :)


	34. thirty four.

“I cannot believe my son is dating Theo Burr, and she’s going to be spending New Year’s here,” Alexander grumbled as he stood at the kitchen counter helping Eliza prepare dinner, Eliza giggling.

“Your son seems very happy with Theo, I think you need to keep an open mind,” She reminded him, Alexander just taking a deep breath, continuing to cut up the lettuce he had been put in charge of.

“Just, he goes to school in New York City, Betsey, how did he manage to find Theodosia Burr and date her?” He whined, Eliza setting down her own knife as she walked over to her husband, wrapping her arms around his middle.

“They say that you gravitate towards people you know. They grew up together, whether you and Burr got along or not. She seems lovely, she makes Philip happy, and that’s all that should matter,” She whispered, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek before turning back to her own food preparation.

“Besides, do you remember how my father felt about you? And I think we’ve worked out okay,” She smiled, Alexander cracking a smile at the memory of him and Eliza first meeting.

“Peggy wasn’t a big fan of me, either,” He smiled, Eliza just shaking her head.

“She wasn’t, but they all gave you a chance, so I think you need to give Theo a chance,” She warned, Alexander silently agreeing, just wanting to drop the conversation.

—

“It was nice of your parents to offer to let me come over,” Theo curled up against Philip’s side as they watched the New Year's festivities on the television, Philip smiling.

“It was either you come here or I go out, and you know they weren’t going to let me out yet,” He teased, Theo just shaking her head, “But in all seriousness, I’m glad that you came over,” He smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Are you going to make it until midnight?” There was a hint of seriousness in Theo’s voice, although Philip knew that she was mostly kidding. 

“I think so, I’ve been working past the pain meds lately. I bet you I can do it,” He challenged, Theo leaning up to look him in the eye, raising her eyebrows.

“I’ll believe it when I see it. But, I will be here and I will wake you up,” She warned, leaning forward to peck his lips, Philip letting her lean back against his side as he smiled, the two of them focusing in on the movie.

“They’re the same way we were when we were their age,” Eliza whispered as she caught her husband spying on their oldest child, wrapping her arms around his middle.

“I don’t think we cuddled that much at either of our parents house,” Alexander mumbled, leaning against the doorframe, Eliza giggling.

“Neither of us were recovering from two major surgeries either though. I don’t know what you want him to do,” Eliza reminded him, Alexander just sighing as he turned around, nodding.

“I just wish it wasn’t a Burr,” He smiled as he walked back towards his laptop, Eliza rolling her eyes before going to finish up their dinner.

—

“So, Theo, do you know when you’re going to go back up to school?” Sitting in the living room as they snacked on food Eliza had prepared they shouldn’t have been entirely surprised when Alexander asked the question, Philip rolling his eyes.

“Mid-January, I think. I’m going to try and stay home a little longer than normal so my dad isn’t completely alone and so I can spend some more time with Philip since he’s not coming back to school,” Theo smiled, Alexander nodding.

Excusing herself to go to the bathroom Philip looked over at his dad, sighing.

“Do you not like Theo?”

“She’s a nice girl, Philip, but a Burr?”

“You seemed pretty close with Mr. Burr when we were at the trial,” Philip smirked, knowing how their relationship worked. Some days they were friends, other days they weren’t. 

“Fair enough. If you’re happy, I’ll come to terms with it,” Alexander smiled, Theo returning as the conversation settled, the group turning their attention back towards the festivities on tv.

—

“Baby, wake up,” Theo whispered as the clock inched closer towards midnight, Philip stirring awake from his spot in her lap. Slowly sitting up with Theo’s help Philip took a few minutes to wake up, quickly realizing that they were the only two left in the living room.

“Your parents took Will and Lizzie up to bed, they said we could have the rest of the night to ourselves,” She smiled, Philip nodding.

“There’s only a few minutes until midnight,” Theo whispered, Philip smiling as he pulled her into his side, kissing the top of her head.

As the countdown began on the television Theo and Philip quietly counted down themselves, the clock changing. Philip smiled, leaning forward to press his lips against Theo’s, moving in sync before the pulled apart, their foreheads resting together.

“Happy New Year, Philip Hamilton,” Theo whispered, Philip smiling.

“Happy New Year, Theodosia Burr.”

As Philip watched Theo walk back out to her car just over an hour into the new year, he was positive he was the happiest he had been in ages. 

“Dressing changes, then you can sleep,” Eliza smiled as she stood at the top of the steps, supplies in her hands. Philip just nodded as he made his way to his room, the smile only disappearing from his face as his mom disinfected the wounds, bandaging them back up as quickly as she could.

“I’m very happy for you sweetheart,” Eliza whispered as she cleaned everything up, Philip slowly changing into pajamas.

“Does Dad like her?” Philip questioned as Eliza walked back over to sit on the edge of the bed, ignoring the fact that her two youngest children would probably wake up at a normal time.

“You know your father, Philip,” She began, reaching out to help him situate his sling better, grabbing his free hand once she was finished, “He likes Theo, he’s just weary about you being with a Burr. He’ll come around though, I promise.”

“Her dad is the same way,” Philip confessed, Eliza just shaking her head as she laughed quietly. 

“They’ll both come around. If you two are happy, they’ll find a way to be happy,” She promised, leaning forward to press a kiss to her son’s forehead.

“Happy New Year, my son. Let’s pray that this year is full of victories, and less setbacks,” She whispered, Philip nodding in agreement as he watched his mom stand up from the bed, quietly leaving his room for the night.

As Philip drifted off to sleep that night he prayed that his mother’s wishes were too as well, more than ready to put this all behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mostly Theo/Philip moments since i know you guys like them :) she's going to be in and out of the story a lot more these next few chapters! 
> 
> thank you for all of the lovely comments and support and everything that you give this, i know i say this all the time but i honestly didn't think anyone would really care about this story or really want to read it, so i'm glad you guys are liking it! 
> 
> more on Wednesday :)


	35. thirty five.

Theo sat in the therapy room with Eliza as Brayden and Lila worked with Philip, who seemed to be in much better spirits that morning. Theo had offered to come along, wanting to know what to do should she be alone with Philip and he needed help getting up or moving around.

“Does this always make him look like he’s in pain?” Theo whispered to Eliza, who gave her a small smile.

“Yes, but he won’t tell you he’s in pain. They told us that him working his muscles like this is going to be painful, but they’re also really happy with his progress, so I’ve just learned to accept that we’re not going to make progress without a little pain,” She explained, Theo nodding.

Theo couldn’t help but bite her lip as she watched her boyfriend go through the new exercises the therapists were giving him, pushing himself as hard as he possibly could. As the therapy session finished up and Theo went to sit on the edge of the chair Philip was in, she handed him a water bottle, leaning down to press a kiss against the top of his head.

“I can’t believe that is what you go through every single time you have therapy. No wonder you don’t want to hang out when you’re done,” Theo teased as she ran her hands through his hair, Philip just smiling as he shook his head.

“Unless you want to nap with me when I’m done, we’re going to just have to see each other on the days I don’t have physical therapy,” He mumbled, Theo nodding as she watched Eliza walk over to the two of them, smiling.

“Philip, you have a doctors appointment now, and then we’ll go home and rest. Theo is more than welcome to come over after your appointment,” Eliza smiled, both she and Theo helping Philip up out of the chair.

"I'll text you when I’m home, and maybe you can come over since you go back to school in a few days,” Philip smiled as he held Theo’s hand while they walked back out to the car, Eliza walking just ahead of them. She made her way to their car while Philip walked Theo to hers, pressing a quick kiss to her lips before making his way into the passenger seat, Eliza smiling as Philip buckled himself in.

“I liked it better when I was at school and I could hide that I was dating,” Philip teased, smirking as he leaned back, letting his mom take him to his next appointment.

“I’ll stop,” She promised, although Philip knew she was lying.

—

“You’re making really good progress, Philip, I am very, very pleased with where we are in this recovery,” Dr. Bates sat in a chair in the examination room, Philip nodding, anxious to hear where the conversation was heading.

“That being said, I don’t think you’re ready to go back up to school for this semester,” Philip wasn’t shocked when he heard the doctor tell him this, and in all honesty, he almost saw it as a blessing.

“You’re not quite ready to be back alone, and I don’t think you’re ready to sit in a class for an extended period of time. However with all that said, we’re going to keep focusing on this recovery and pushing forward making progress, and hopefully by the fall semester you’ll be more than ready to be back up on campus, as close to your normal self as possible.”

They finished up a few other procedures before Philip was free to leave, his eyes fighting to stay open as he followed Eliza out of the building, back out to the car.

“How do you feel about not being able to go back to school?” Eliza questioned, glancing at her son after turning back out onto the road, making their way back towards home.

“I kind of knew it was coming,” Philip mumbled, his head resting against the window softly, pulling his arm into a more comfortable position, “I don’t think I’m ready to go back anyway. Even if she said I could I don’t think I would’ve.”

The therapy sessions had continued and based on what Eliza and Alexander were able to get out of Philip after each session they had assumed it was going well. Philip was sleeping through the night a majority of the week again, Eliza often finding him more at peace when she would go to check on him in the middle of the night.

While the progress that Philip had been making in his therapy sessions had give him hope that one day he would feel back to his normal self, the thought of being back in New York City without his family on the campus where he almost lost his life was enough to send him into a world of panic.

“We’ll just keep working really hard, and soon enough you’ll be ready to be back in school, no matter where it is,” She promised, Philip just nodding as he let the conversation quiet down in favor of the radio, Eliza humming along.

—

Getting seven children into bed often left Alexander and Eliza exhausted and ready for bed themselves, despite it being fairly early in the night. 

Philip and Angie had retired when the younger kids had, Philip still exhausted from his day full of therapy and appointments, while Angie had some homework she needed to finish up. With the older children also in bed the couple found themselves cuddled in the living room, Eliza pressed into Alexander’s side as they watched a movie together for the first time in ages.

“With Philip not going back to school we’re going to have to go back up to New York and clean out his dorm,” Eliza mumbled, twisting her husband’s wedding ring around his finger.

“Does he want to go?” Alexander questioned, turning so he could look at his wife, who quickly shook her head.

“Even if he wants to go, I don’t want him to go. It’s going to be a lot of heavy lifting, a lot of up and down, and a lot of walking. He won’t be able to keep up. And we’ll be back on campus, and I know the therapy is helping but I don’t know how much it’s helped him yet and if he’s mentally ready to be back where everything happened,” Eliza rambled, Alexander just pulling her into his side, pressing a kiss to the side of her head.

“The kids can stay with Angelica and Peggy then while we go for a night or two to clean everything?” Alexander questioned, waiting until he earned a nod from his wife before continuing, pulling her as close to him as he possibly could.

“Then you and I will go together, and we will clean out his room and bring his things home,” Alexander whispered, pressing a kiss to Eliza’s hair, able to sense the uneasiness she was feeling.

“And if it gets tough, you and I will be there together, and we will get through this knowing that back here in DC our son is on the mend, and we didn’t lose him even though the odds were stacked against us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is more of a filler but i snuck in some Theo! Next chapter is mostly Eliza/Alexander as they make their way to New York to clean out his dorm room, but Philip is at the end!
> 
> thank you for all of the love on this story! :)
> 
> more on Sunday! xo


	36. thirty six.

Being back in New York City had brought a world of anxiety for Eliza, despite knowing that Philip was back at home in DC in the more than capable hands of both of her sisters, where he would still make it to his therapy appointments and have help with his dressing changes, and everything in between.

They had contacted Columbia to let them know that Philip wouldn’t be returning, immediately being granted a day just before the spring semester started to clear out his portion of his dorm room, bringing everything back home until Philip was ready to go back. Eliza and Alexander had made their way into the city the night before they planned on cleaning out his room, wanting to ease into this as best they possibly could.

“Are you ready?” Alexander questioned as they made it back onto the campus they had fallen in love with just a few short years ago, never envisioning that they would be going through this what seemed like minutes later.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready,” Eliza shook her head, squeezing her husband’s hand, “But we need to do this,” She whispered, letting her husband lead her towards the residence hall Philip had called home, the two of them meeting up with an employee from the school named Marie, who had led them upstairs, stopping just outside of Philip’s room.

“I’ll give you guys some time alone. Let me know if there’s anything else that you may need,” Marie smiled, Alexander thanking her as she walked down the hall to a lounge, Alexander focusing his attention on his wife, who had her eyes closed, taking a deep breath.

“Let’s do this,” She sighed, Alexander nodding, taking a step forward to open the door to the dorm room, both of them prepared to start the process of packing their son’s things.

The two of them were met with a typical teenage boy’s dorm room, both beds unmade, various things strewn across the room haphazardly. In all accounts, Philip’s side of the room is neater than his roommate Richard's, although just barely. His books were stacked neatly on his desk, his backpack laid up against the edge of his bed.

“His backpack,” Alexander whispered, taking slow steps to where it was, lifting it up to begin packing things in, immediately noticing the fraying on the back of the backpack and the blood stains along the straps.

Blood stains from the shooting.

His son’s blood.

“He had his backpack in the shooting,” Eliza spoke from behind her husband, taking a seat in the desk chair. Alexander could only nod, his fingers running over the now dried stains that were left, a reminder of everything they had been through.

It had never crossed their mind the implications of how the shooting happened, Philip returning from the library on that fall afternoon. He had his backpack, and while in the back of his mind Alexander knew that Philip must’ve had his backpack when this happened, it hadn’t crossed his mind to even think about where everything had gone in the aftermath.

Quietly opening he was surprised to find that the contents inside were largely left untouched, the bullet never passing through his bag, only through his body. Alexander knows it’s a morbid way to look at things, but he can’t help it, everything flooding back in his mind to how things had gone, and how much of a miracle it is to even have Philip alive right now, let alone out of the hospital and back at home.

“We need to start packing his things,” Eliza sighed as she stood up, walking over to the bed to begin taking his sheets off, finding the bags they had brought things in to pack it all up.

Alexander finally tore himself away from his son’s backpack to begin packing various different things they had brought up for him to have there, Tupperware tins full of items that Eliza had felt necessary, Alexander always wondering if his son ever actually used any of it. 

It took just over an hour and a ton of tears before Philip’s half of the room was packed in boxes and containers, Alexander lifting the last of them into the luggage cart that Marie had brought up for them, leaving it in the hallway. The couple had a car coming to help them bring it all to the airport, deciding that flying it all home was the better option, especially with Washington offering his plane for them to use.

Philip’s backpack laid on the now bare bed Philip had used to sleep in, Eliza glancing over towards it.

“Do we toss it or bring it home?” She questioned, weary to pick it up, knowing what she would see when she did.

“It has school things in it. Maybe we bring it home but don’t show him that we have it? Just give him the stuff back separately?” Alexander suggested, walking over to pick the bag up, opting to hold it by the strap at the top, away from where his son’s blood had left it’s imprint.

Taking one last look around the room Eliza was satisfied that they had gotten everything, following her husband back out into the hall, making their way downstairs to the car waiting for them, beginning to pack everything in to take to the airport.

“We did it,” Eliza whispered as she let her head fall against her husband’s shoulder, Alexander giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

“We did,” He affirmed, the silence filling the car once more, both of them eager to get home to all of their babies after a few days away.

—

It was just after midnight when the couple returned back to the house, the air still with all of their children sleeping, Angelica and Peggy following suit in the guest room. The last of the boxes had been brought in quietly so they didn’t wake anyone in the house, opting to leave them in the family room to deal with the next morning.

“Let’s just go to bed,” Eliza whispered, looking towards her husband who nodded in agreement, taking her hand to lead her up the stairs, Eliza gently breaking away from him just outside of Philip’s room.

“Betsey,” Alexander sighed, Eliza just giving him a small smile.

“I just want to check on him. It’s been two days, that’s the longest I’ve been away from him in ages,” Eliza reasoned, Alexander just giving in, walking over to leave a small kiss on her forehead, making her promise that she would be in in a few minutes.

After Alexander had retreated to their bedroom to get ready for bed himself Eliza quietly opened the door to her oldest’s bedroom, slipping in and shutting the door behind her as quietly as possible, finding Philip sleeping peacefully, light snores escaping his body.

Making her way over to the bed Eliza gently leaned down to brush some stray curls away from his forehead, her fingers lingering for just a moment, praying that he didn’t have a fever and everything was still going smoothly.

“Aunt Peggy?” Philip mumbled as he stirred from his sleep, his eyes fluttering.

“No baby, it’s Mom,” Eliza whispered, sitting down on the edge, “Shh, you can go back to sleep, I was just coming to check on you.”

“Mom?” Philip spoke softly, his voice cracking as he opened his eyes, gently forming a small smile. “When did you get back?”

“Just a few minutes ago. It’s late, you need to sleep. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay,” Eliza smiled, reaching out to rub against Philip’s shoulder, Philip nodding.

“Aunt Peggy just came a little while ago to make sure I was okay. She said she was afraid I was going to get sick because John didn’t feel good after he came home from school today,” Philip mumbled, Eliza’s heart breaking knowing that one of her children didn’t feel well and she wasn’t home.

“I’ll go check on him now. You just get some rest, okay? John’s probably just not feeling well from the germs at school and the cold weather. We’ll keep you healthy,” Eliza promised, Philip just nodding as he yawned, letting his eyes close once more.

“Night, baby. See you in the morning, I love you,” Eliza whispered, standing up and leaving a kiss on her son’s forehead, making her way back towards his bedroom door to go check on John before going to bed herself, a small voice from Philip’s room stopping her from her mission, causing her to smile.

“Night Mama, love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so late, but i did make it and get it up today!
> 
> mostly Eliza and Alexander going through their emotions again as they're reminded of everything, but i snuck some Philip in too :) back to recovery next chapter!
> 
> let me know if there's anything you'd like to see! 
> 
> more on Wednesday! :)


	37. thirty seven.

Eliza fell back into the routine of getting her children up and ready for school as if she hadn’t missed a day, deciding to keep John home after she noticed he was a little warm and was still complaining of a stomachache that morning. With John and Philip still in bed and Elizabeth watching a movie in the other room it gave Eliza time to catch up on things she had missed while she was up in New York, feeling as if she had a million things that had happened.

“Hi Mom,” Philip broke Eliza’s trance from her laptop screen when she heard his voice in the room, smiling as Philip slowly sat down next to her.

“Hi, baby. Did you have a good few days?” She questioned, shutting her laptop as she stood up to get her son some breakfast and his medicine, Philip yawning as he nodded.

“How was my dorm room? Was it neat?” Philip questioned, Eliza laughing, finding the contrast of how much her son wanted to know about his room was everything she had been trying to push out of her mind since she had left that room the previous evening.

“Much neater than I was expecting it was going to be,” Eliza admitted, setting some oatmeal in front of her son along with his medicine, kissing the top of his head.

“I told you I was neat at school.”

"It doesn’t show here,” She teased, sitting back down at the table and opening her laptop, content with getting work done while she sat with her son.

“Did John stay home from school?” Philip questioned, Eliza nodding, finishing an email before look at her son.

“He did, and you need to stay away from him for now as much as you can. We can’t have you getting sick.”

“It’s been almost two months since all of this happened, Mom, I think I’ll be okay,” Philip pleaded, desperate to begin moving on and having more freedom, realizing that his parents weren’t completely on the same page.

“It’s not something I want to risk,” She warned, leaning over to grab his good hand, squeezing it gently, “Hey, this is a process for me, too,” She reminded him, Philip nodding.

“I want to give you the space and independence that I know you want, but Philip, you have to understand that I watched you almost die in my arms,” Eliza hadn’t planned on getting emotional that morning, but she really wasn’t expecting to see Philip have the same emotions.

“Every time I tell myself to give you some space and let you go see Theo or go hang out with your siblings outside of the house and that you’ll be okay my mind flashes back to those nights when we sat by you and prayed that you would make it through the night.” The kitchen fell silent as Eliza explained everything that she had been fearing for the past few months, Philip letting his head drop, studying the brace that still kept his arm stable.

“I’m scared too,” He finally whispered, biting his lip as he refused to make eye contact with Eliza. “I’m scared that that first day I can go and walk to Theo’s or play outside with the younger kids something will happen, and all this progress that I’ve worked so hard to get back to is all going to slip away.”

“Philip,” Eliza sighed, standing up to move her chair closer to her son, letting his head fall against her shoulder.

“Every time I talk to Mark about how I’m feeling and the nightmares he tells me ways to cope with it, and it works. But there’s no answers on how to cope with the worry that I feel every single time I think about the freedom. I want it, Mom, I want to be able to do things without needing you or Dad or Angie, but I’m scared that the one day I get the courage to do it, everything is going to fall apart.”

The only sounds in the room were the sniffling coming from both of them, Eliza letting herself cry in front of her son. “Maybe the next therapy session you focus solely on this. I’ll work on my needing to let go and trust that you’re okay, and you talk to Mark about ways that you can cope with the worry that something is going to go wrong.”

“We know you’re strong enough, we know you can do this. Now we just need to pull through with it,” She promised, Philip nodding, slowly calming down as Eliza rubbed small circles on his back. 

“I love you baby. We’re going to get through this terrifying stage.”

—

“Don’t tell Mom I’m in here,” Philip smiles as he makes his way into his brother’s room, John rolling over to smile. 

“You’re gonna get sick, Pip. Mama said that we can’t hang out together because I’ll get you sick.” John’s voice was raspy as he shifted under the blankets, Philip slowly sitting down on the edge, supporting his own weight for one of the first times.

“I’ll be okay, John. It’s been almost two months, I think my body can handle it,” He promises, not missing the uneasy smile he receives from his little brother. “Do you want to play Wii with me or watch a movie? Lizzie’s napping so we can have the big TV.”

John slowly sits up in bed as he finally nods, kicking the covers off to stand up. Philip is grateful that he’s there to help, using his good hand to hold John’s as he slowly stands up from the bed.

“You’re so strong, John. I didn’t think you’d be able to help me up,” Philip teases as they slowly make their way to the staircase, John rolling his eyes at his brother’s remark.

“I’m 9, Pip, not 5.” Philip laughs at his brother’s remark, slowly making his way down the staircase towards the living room.

What they weren’t expecting was for Eliza to be standing there, her hands immediately resting on her hips when she notices her boys together.

“I told you boys you couldn’t hang out together today,” She sighs, John looking up at his older brother.

“I feel better, Mama. We just want to play the Wii or watch a movie.” His argument is proving to be useless as Eliza walks over to feel John’s forehead, biting her lip.

“You definitely still have a fever, but you don’t feel as warm.” Philip takes another step down towards the living room in hopes that he can sneak past his mom and go back to the sofa, Eliza stepping in front of him to stop him, a knowing smile on her face as she rests her hand against his forehead.

“You don’t have a fever, yet,” She warns, Philip unable to contain his smile as he shakes his head, readjusting his arm in the sling.

“Can we please just play Wii or watch a movie?” Philip questions, feeling so much younger than he is. Eliza sighs and looks between two of her boys, the smallest of nods.

“No Wii right now, you have therapy soon and I don’t want you to be tired,” She begins, both boys nodding. “Separate sofas, please. I know you say you’re fine to be together, but my mother heart can’t stop worrying,” She smiles, both boys nodding as they make their way over to the sofas in the living room, John setting up the movie since Philip couldn’t bend over.

Eliza settles both of them under blankets and leaves kisses on their foreheads before leaving them be, praying that her giving in was the right decision for both of them.

—

“We’re just going to focus on the grip first, get you used to holding something in your hand again,” Philip found himself sitting at a table with Brayden and Eliza around him, ready to use his hand to write for the first time. While he was still experiencing numbness and some tingling, the physical therapists were optimistic that they could begin working towards getting him to do simple tasks that he took for granted before.

“It feels so weird,” Philip mumbled, Brayden smiling as he watched Philip’s hand, making sure that he kept the position the way that it needed to be.

“It’s going to feel weird. Is it numb or tingling?” Brayden questioned, Philip shrugging.

“It’s tingling a little. Is that okay?” Philip questioned, looking up towards Brayden, who nodded.

“It’s perfectly normal with the injuries that you have with your arm. We’re going to work on just using the pen today, and eventually we’ll work up towards you being able to write again.”

“What if it never stops tingling?” In the back of Philip’s mind he knew that this may be the best that his arm gets after all of this, and while he was able to get encouraged that he was able to hold a pen between his fingers and make some sort of lines, he knew that this wouldn’t be enough.

“We have ways to work through this if this is as good as it gets, but Philip, you have to remember that this is the first day we are trying this. You’re still in a brace that right now is giving you very limited mobility, so it’s making it a little harder. This is all a process, but we can do this,” Brayden’s words were encouraging, Philip nodding as he focused back on the task at hand, Eliza watching with pride as Philip shakily wrote his name for the first time with the hand that had to relearn everything. 

“This is something I want you to work on at home, at least with the grip. This will get easier with more practice, just like all of your other exercises.” Brayden reminded him, Philip nodding as he handed the pen back to Brayden, flexing his fingers, desperate to stop the tingling.

As Eliza and Philip made their way back out to the car to go home Eliza couldn’t help but grab his good hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“How do you feel about what just happened?” She questioned, driving the familiar roads back to their house, Philip glancing over at her.

“My name kind of looked like my name, I guess,” He shrugged, Eliza smiling. “It’s weird, but hopefully it’ll get better.” Eliza could only nod, the music in the car taking over.

As they pulled into the driveway and Eliza noticed Philip texting, she took a deep breath, shutting the car off.

“When does Theo go back to school?”

Philip looked up at his mom, his eyebrows furrowing. “In three days, why?”

“Is she busy right now?” Eliza was prodding and she knew it, but as she watched her son shake his head slowly, she knew she was about to say something that terrified her.

“Do you want me to take you to her house for a little?”

Philip sat stunned for a moment as he listened to his mother’s words, biting his lip to hide a smile.

“Really? You’re okay with it?” 

“I’m as okay with it as I’ll ever be. Theo’s a great girl, I know she’ll call me the minute anything went wrong, which it won’t,” She pointed out to her son, who only laughed. 

“You can’t stay long, you’re going to need your medicine soon and you need to eat dinner before you take it, but I think a few hours away from home will be good for the two of us to get used to you having freedom.” Philip only nodded, quickly pulling his phone out to text Theo, Eliza backing back out of the driveway, heading towards the Burr’s.

“This will be good for both of us,” Philip spoke after a few minutes silence, Eliza nodding in agreement.

The first step was the hardest, and as Eliza looked over at her son who she had seen as so much younger than 19 the last few months, she knew that this first step was going to be the hardest.

But eventually, things would feel okay again, and that was what mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some brother moments and a heart to heart between Philip and Eliza! and big strides in therapy! :)
> 
> also i think this might be my longest chapter? not sure but it's over 2,000 words so! 
> 
> next chapter features some Theo and Philip love :)
> 
> let me know if there's anything specific you're dying to see! we're coming towards the end :(
> 
> more on Sunday! thank you for all of the love :)


	38. thirty eight.

Philip laid against the Burr’s sofa with pillows propping up his still-braced arm, Theo’s head lying in his lap, her hair tangled between his fingers.

“What’re you gonna do when I go back to school on Sunday?” Theo mumbled, her fingers playing with a loose strand of her boyfriend’s sweatpants, the movie they had playing serving more as background noise than anything else.

“I don’t know,” Philip shrugged, admitting to himself that he hadn’t really thought about it much. “I still have therapy and doctors appointments and stuff, that’ll probably take a lot of time,” He sighed, Theo nodding.

“I’ll try to come home as often as I can to see you.”

“Theo, you have to have fun at school. Don’t waste your time coming home to see me, we know I can’t do much anyway. This is a huge milestone even being out of the house and away from my parents right now,” Philip laughed, Theo turning to look up at him.

“You’re getting way stronger than you were,” She pointed out, “Soon you going out away from your family is just going to be like it was. And that’s when we’ll finally be able to do some normal couple things.”

“We can still do those now,” Philip pointed out, not missing Theo’s eyes narrowing at him, “I just might need a wheelchair,” He teased, Theo giggling as she nudged her head into his thigh, reaching her hand up to grasp his good one.

“I’ll miss you constantly annoying me in my dorm room this semester.”

“And I’ll definitely miss doing exactly that. Instead I’ll just FaceTime you to annoy you when you’re trying to study,” He promised, Theo laughing, knowing that he wasn’t lying.

As the night went on and Philip eased into being out of the house and not at a doctors appointment or a therapy session, he longed for the moment that this became his reality again, and hanging out with his girlfriend didn’t have to seem like a special occasion.

—

“How do you really feel about Philip and Theo dating?” It was just Angie, Eliza and Alexander in the kitchen while Eliza prepped dinner, all of the other children doing their homework or playing games, clearly being heard in the other room. Alexander had just picked Philip up, the eldest resting on the sofa in the living room, hoping for some quiet away from the rest of his siblings in the family room.

“Angie, why are you asking?” Eliza sighed, glancing up at her daughter from what she was doing, noticing the smile on her daughter’s face.

“I just wanted to know. I mean you’ve known her since she was born, I just didn’t know if your feelings on her changed since Philip’s dating her now.”

“Why, do you know something that we should know?” Alexander questioned, Eliza turning to her husband.

“Alexander.”

“I just wanted to know,” He shrugged, giving a small smile to his daughter before going back to cutting up ingredients for a salad.

“I don’t. I mean, I know he’s crazy about her, but I think that’s pretty obvious to literally all of us. I mean the way he stares at her when she comes over, it’s a little weird.”

“Angelica Hamilton, that’s enough. Your brother is just smitten with her, it’s actually cute,” Eliza chastised, Alexander sighing.

“I’d find it a lot cuter if Theo wasn’t Aaron Burr’s daughter, but I was the same way with your mother, so I can’t argue the way he looks at her. Sorry, my Ange.” Angie could only roll her eyes, letting her mom drift the conversation elsewhere.

—

“I want to take the brace off and eat dinner,” Philip stood next to Angie at the island watching their parents finish up dinner, Eliza turning to her son, raising her eyebrows.

“Philip, we can’t,” She sighed, Philip’s face dropping when he heard her answer.

“It’s just for like 20 minutes while I eat. Do you know how hard it is to eat left-handed? My arm is getting so much better anyway, I can do it!” 

“Philip, you heard your mother. We cannot risk you doing some damage to that arm,” Alexander stepped in, Angie eyeing the conversation cautiously, realizing that with her brother being almost back to his normal self came his stubbornness, wanting to fight what his parents knew was best.

“But it’s getting better! If I can write why can’t I eat without the brace?”

“First of all, you’re not writing without the brace on,” Alexander began, watching his son carefully sit down on the chair next to his sister, not missing the slight wince he had from the extra activity he had done that day. “Second, you have some range of motion in the brace since the doctor repositioned it. You can try eating with it, but we can’t take it off.” 

Instead of answering Philip just nodded, Eliza pressing a kiss to the top of his head on the way by to bring their dinner over to the table.

—

Eliza sat in the bathroom in the hallway watching her eldest son clean his scars by himself, ready to help him with the bandages. Barely able to keep her eyes open, she was counting down the minutes until her son was ready for her help, thinking back to the times he was too weak to be independent, and this all went a lot faster.

“Do you think the scar will fade? This is so disgusting, how am I ever going to be able to go shirtless after this?” Philip questioned as he rubbed the medication in, only briefly glancing up to look at his mother’s face while he did so.

“I don’t know if it’ll fade much more than it has, baby, but that scar saved your life,” Eliza reminded him, beginning to get the bandages ready, “That scar is what kept you alive. You have no reason to be ashamed by it.”

“But the one on my elbow too. I have so many dark scars now and it’s obviously distracting. It’ll be distracting when I don’t have to wear the bandages or the brace anymore, and I don’t want people to ask about it all the time,” Holding his shirt up for Eliza to start placing the bandages on Philip found it hard to stay still, wanting to talk through this before he went to bed.

“Philip, sweetheart. People are not going to ask you about those scars. Most people know what happened to you, my love,” Eliza smiled, Philip biting back a smirk. “It’s going to take some getting used to once this brace and these bandages are off for good, but that is something that we’ll work through when we get to it.”

Grabbing the trash and throwing it in the bin Eliza stood up from where she had been sat on the toilet, reaching forward to press a kiss to her son’s head. “For now I say we get some sleep. You have doctors appointments in the morning, no sleeping in tomorrow,” Eliza smiled, following Philip to her son to help him into bed, leaving one more kiss on his forehead before leaving him be, making her way to her own room.

“I heard the two of you talking in the bathroom,” Alexander mumbled as he rolled over to look at his wife, who finished getting changed to climb into bed with him.

“He’s worried people are going to judge his scars,” Eliza whispered, burying her head in her husband’s chest, taking a deep breath for the first time in what felt like hours.

“They’re nasty scars, but they are how he's still here with us. He’s alive because the doctors saved his life opening exactly where those scars are, and he doesn’t understand that. He’s just worried that they’re going to be this purple and this raised, and I don’t know how to show him that it’s not always about that, it’s also about the fact that he was given a second chance at life.”

Alexander was quiet for a moment, Eliza wondering if it was because he was gathering his thoughts or if it was because he had drifted back off to sleep. As she shuffled to get herself more comfortable her husband’s voice filled the room once more, hushed whispers so the rest of their children didn’t wake up.

“Maybe he doesn’t need us to tell him how lucky he is to have these scars,” He began, his fingers running along his wife’s back, soothing the both of them, “Maybe we just have to love him exactly the way we always have, and show him that scars or not, he is still the same Philip, and that is the most important thing in all of this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for no update on Sunday! i lost track of time but i hope you all watched the girls kill it at the Super Bowl :)
> 
> some Philip/Theo moments and Philip getting to a point where he's frustrated and wants some more independence.
> 
> as always, let me know if there's anything you want to see! :)
> 
> more on Sunday, promise! thank you guys for being so lovely :)


	39. thirty nine.

Philip sits on the doctor’s exam table, his mother and Angie sitting in the plastic chairs in the corner while they waited to be seen. It was a day full of appointments for Philip to have to endure, and while he was hoping that he would get some answers from his doctors and some help from his therapist, the only thing running through his mind was the fact that Theo was leaving later that night to go back to school, and they didn’t have much time left together.

Eliza watches her son swing his legs as they wait in anticipation, realizing that this is one of the first times he’s able to sit on the exam table without having to use the wall or anything else for support. They’ve come a long way from when he could only lay down on exam tables while they waited, and as she thinks about the months of pain and struggles they’ve had to endure, she has to fight back the tears.

“Are you going to like cry or anything? Because I love you, but I don’t know if I can watch you cry or be in pain while we’re here.” Angie breaks the silence in the room as Philip turns his attention towards her, shrugging softly. 

“If he presses on my stomach I might cry out in pain. But nothing too bad now, it doesn’t hurt like it used to,” He promises, Angie shrugging as she nods. Her laundry list of questions gets interrupted when Dr. Bates walks in, shaking all of their hands before sitting down to go over the charts.

“I’m going to feel around your belly and take a look at that scar, and I’m probably going to order an MRI just to be completely sure that things are healing the way that they should be inside. You haven’t had any issues since your accident, right?” He questions, Philip quickly shaking his head.

Philip lies back on the bed and Eliza reaches out from her spot to rub her hand against his leg, letting him know that she was still there. He struggles with maneuvering his still braced arm away from his belly, wincing when the scar is exposed to the cool air of the exam room.

Eliza notices her eldest daughter cringe when she sees her brother’s scar for the first time in a few weeks, the healing now leaving it a dark purple and raised. “This looks really good, Philip,” The doctor smiles, Angie just left more confused at the fact that how it looked was normal.

Angie watches her brother’s face as Dr. Bates presses around, noticing the way he scrunches up in pain on particularly tender spots.

“You’re hurting him!” Angie can’t help but cry out, Philip lifting his head to look at his sister, just barely shaking his head.

“It’s just sore, Angie, it’s going to be like that. I’m fine, I promise,” He assures her, Angie looking uneasy as she looks back up at the doctor before turning to her mom.

“Angie, I would be worried if your brother wasn’t in any pain when I pressed. That could mean something was wrong,” The doctor smiled, turning around to grab new bandages. “He’s healing just like I thought he would be this far out from the accident.” Angie nods uneasily, still unsure about trusting him.

Turning his attention back to both Eliza and Philip, Dr. Bates finishes bandaging his scar back up. “I’m going to order some blood tests, but assuming they come back normal, I’d say this is your last week with the bandages,” He smiles, Philip slowly sitting back up with the doctor’s help.

“Your strength will continue to come back and your walking will get better, but we’re getting closer to that light at the end of the tunnel. Keep pushing forward, but listen to your body and don’t overdo it, okay?” Philip nods eagerly as he thanks the doctor, carefully hopping down off the bed, fixing his shirt over his new bandage.

They spend the car ride to the therapists office with Philip thinking about how worried his sister had been, thankful that his family had even cared at all in the way that they did.

—-

“What is your goal that you want to talk about this week?” Philip sits across from Mark as he listens to his question, letting it sink into his brain. He takes a deep breath as he looks up, his good hand running against the brace on his arm.

“I know it’s a far-fetched goal,” He begins, a smile creeping up on his face when he thinks about it, “but I want to be able to get back to New York without feeling like I’m going to suffocate just from the thought of it.”

His goal lingers in the air while Mark scribbles some things down in his notepad, nodding in the way that he always does to let Philip know he’s listening. 

“Are there places in New York that you think about that make it worse, or is it just New York in general?”

“I mean, school in particular. But really the city in general,” Philip shrugs, his voice getting small when he thinks about it. “I think I’d be most afraid of going back to school. I don’t want to be because I love it there, but I’m terrified that this could happen again,” He confesses, Mark nodding.

“With your goal, did you want to go alone?” Philip laughs softly at the question, because he’s fairly sure he knows the question sounds ridiculous to Mark.

“I don’t think I could ever go alone, at least not right now,” He shakes his head, Mark nodding. Philip can hear the pen scribbling across the paper and it just makes him feel more uneasy, almost as if he had done something or said something that wasn’t on the lines in his recovery. He was worried that he had regressed, and although his anxiety hadn’t felt as bad, this wasn’t how he was supposed to be feeling.

“I don’t recommend this for everyone,” Mark begins, Philip shifting uncomfortably from his side of the sofa, the need for his medications making him wonder if it’s just from the anticipation of hearing Mark’s statement the cause, “But I think after a few more sessions it would be good for you to go to New York for a weekend. Maybe with both of your parents, who can sit in on a session before you go and learn how to help your anxiety should it happen while you’re there.”

“What if it gets too bad?” Philip notices the way his voice sounds smaller, his eyes moving from Mark’s gaze down to his own lap.

“Philip, you have done extensive work with me over the last few months to be able to cope with anxiety and other problems that have come up from this accident,” Mark reminds him, Philip nodding. “You are more than capable of coping, it’s just a matter of remembering what to do, and surrounding yourself with people who are able to help you.” 

“The suffocating feelings you have when you think about going back to New York are all anxiety, which you know how to cope with. I’ll re-evaluate in a few weeks, but as of now, I think a few more sessions and a small trip would be good for you.”

Philip leaves the appointment as the Winter sun sets over the horizon, wondering if he really was ready to make the trip up to New York, despite knowing how much he wanted it.

—

“Are you sure you have to go back?” Philip lays on his bed with a heating pad draped over his belly, Theo curled in under his good arm. She giggles at his words, her hand running against his chest.

“Unfortunately, yes,” She sighs, the disappointment laced through her words evident. “But, it’s only a few weeks. Think I’m going to come home for a weekend in February. I hear Valentine’s Day is on a Saturday this year,” She sings, Philip laughing as he kisses her forehead.

“Maybe a romantic night out is on the cards for us by then. I’d like to think in a few weeks I’ll be able to go for dinner with just you,” He sighs, shifting his body only slightly as Theo nods, leaning up to kiss him.

“And if not, I’ll lay with you on Valentine’s and we can make our own dinner,” She shrugs, Philip laughing.

The two of them fall back into silence as they watch a movie, Philip doing his best to savor the moment and remember the way she feels pressed up against his side.

He wants to remember the way her long, dark hair tickles his forearm as it splays across, or the way her head rests against his chest so gingerly it’s as if she thinks she’s going to break him.

He wants to remember the way she subtly fixes the heating pad or brushes against his bandages, reminding herself that he’s not quite out of the woods, and he still needs help.

But most of all, he wants to remember the way she falls asleep against his chest almost every time, the light snores blowing against his skin, leaving goosebumps.

He finds himself falling in love at the hardest of times in his life, and while it scares him, he’s also grateful he found someone like Theo, who’s willing to be with him despite his struggles and fight to get back to even a fraction of who he used to be.

He doesn’t think he says thank you enough, but he’s positive that the time apart they’re about to endure will be one that Philip finds himself reflecting on how much she really has helped him through everything.

The countdown until they’re reunited begins the minute Theo leaves the Hamilton’s house after a smattering of kisses, light hugs, and promises that they’ll be together soon, and Philip doesn’t think it could go any slower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little Theo and Angie moments, and some breakthroughs in therapy! do you think he'll end up going to New York?
> 
> if you guys want to see anything, as always, let me know!
> 
> thank you for all the love on the story! :)
> 
> more on wednesday!


	40. forty.

The weeks Philip and Theo spend apart end up being some of the weirdest weeks for Philip recovery wise, wondering if there’s something that he was doing differently now that she wasn’t down the street. Eliza and Alexander notice the change in their son, his once fast-paced recovery now seeming to slow down, if only slightly.

“I was thinking about Valentine’s Day,” Philip begins as he fiddles with the brace on his arm, Alexander reaching out to pull his hand away from trying to take it off. Philip gives his father a smile, letting his hand fall into his lap as he tries to gather his thoughts before speaking again.

“Do you think I’m going to be ready to go out with Theo for a few hours alone? Like, none of you even at the restaurant with us?” Philip hears the apprehensiveness in his voice, the way it shakes slightly as he finally brings the thoughts plaguing his mind out into the open air. He notices the way that his parents share a glance, Eliza turning back to her son, reaching out to rest her hand on top of his.

“I think a few hours away from all of us would be good for you. You’ve got a lot of your strength back from before the accident, and you know that. I know you still have moments when you feel weak, but you’re ready to be out without us for a few hours,” She promises, watching the way her son’s face lights up when she gives him the okay.

“We’re not going to go far, and you guys will be able to come if I need you, right?” Alexander laughs at his son’s request, nodding immediately to ease his mind.

“Your mom and I will be there if you need us, but honestly, I really don’t think you’re going to. It’s going to be fine, buddy, promise,” Alexander encourages, Philip nodding.

He slowly makes his way upstairs that night, sending a few quick texts to Theo letting her know how excited he was to be with her again, counting down the days until she made the trip home to spend Valentine’s together.

—

“This is the nicest I’ve seen you look in a long time.” Angie sits cross-legged on her brother’s bed while Eliza helps him button up his shirt, smoothing out the creases that had formed. Philip peers over his mom’s shoulder and gives his sister a glare, Angie laughing.

“I just want to look nice for this. I mean, it’s our first official Valentine’s really. And one that we’re not just in our dorm rooms,” He shrugs, placing the brace back on his arm as his mom helped him buckle it on, immobilizing his arm once more.

“Did you take your medicine?” Eliza questions, Philip nodding quickly as Angie stands up to fix her brother’s hair, realizing they didn’t have much time.

Angie slips out of the room at her mother’s request when she finishes with Philip’s hair, Eliza turning to look at her son. She can’t believe that they’ve reached a point where she’s letting him go to dinner for a few hours without anyone there to help him, silently saying a prayer with him before she begins talking.

“You’re going to be fine tonight. You’re more than ready to go out and be active and not worry about the pain. We’re far enough away from this,” Eliza promises, Philip taking a deep breath as he nods.

“I’m going to be fine. This is a huge step to getting through this recovery, I’m ready for this.” It’s more of self-motivation than anything, Eliza smiling as she looks at her son, leaning forward to press a kiss to his cheek.

“Theo’s going to be here soon, let’s get downstairs,” Eliza smiles, grabbing a few of her son’s things as they make their way downstairs, Philip sitting down in a chair by the door.

“It’s so stupid that my girlfriend has to pick me up for a date, and not the other way around,” Philip shakes his head, Alexander leaning over to smooth out his hair once more.

“As well as you’re doing right now, I don’t think any doctor would feel comfortable clearing you to operate a car. This is just for the best right now,” He laughs, Philip nodding.

He watches the headlights pull into the driveway as he stands ups slowly, saying goodbye to his family that has gathered to wait for him to leave.

Eliza only feels slightly emotional as she watches the car pull out of sight, realizing that she just let her baby leave the house for a few hours for one of the first times alone, praying that everything works out fine now that they’re out in a public place and not just at one of their houses.

—

Philip takes slow bites of his salad as the conversation between him and Theo never comes to a lull, Theo feeling as if she has a million things to tell him about various events at school that had happened now that he’s no longer on campus. He finds how animated she is about it all to be endearing, letting her talk for hours if she wanted, every story feeling as if it was more important than the next.

“I still miss you up on campus, though. Sometimes when I’m in the library late I'll go to text you to tell you to bring me food, but then I remember that you're not there to come see me,” Theo pouts, taking another bite of her dinner. Philip can only smile, reaching forward to take a sip of his drink before he begins to speak.

“I might come up for a visit in a few weeks,” He speaks casually, watching as Theo’s eyes widen, dropping her fork onto her plate.

“Philip, don’t tease me like this. Are you serious right now?” She questions, Philip laughing as he nods.

“I was talking to Mark at one of my last sessions, and he said it’d be good for me to face my fears head on. My anxiety has gotten better, or I at least now how to cope with it better, and he thinks a weekend in New York might be best.”

“Okay, but do you think you're ready for it?" Theo had always known that there was more to a story than what Philip usually told, and this seemed to be one of them. If there was one thing that she had learned through all of this it was that Philip hid a lot of how he really felt, instead going off what the doctors said in hopes that they knew what was best without taking his own feelings into consideration.

“I don't know,” Philip confesses, finishing up his dinner as he looks back over to Theo, keeping his voice as low as possible. “I want to think I’m ready, and I know realistically I can’t avoid New York City for the rest of my life, but it’s terrifying to think I’m going to be so close to where this all happened,” He references his wounds, Theo nodding.

“Tell me when you’re definitely coming, and I’ll skip the classes and come be with you. One day isn’t going to kill me.” Philip quickly shakes his head at her offer, not wanting to put her out.

“My parents are going to come with me, you don’t have to skip class. I’ll be okay,” He assures her, Theo still looking uneasy. Instead she just nods, not wanting to start a fight or cause a scene in one of the nicest restaurants she thinks she’s ever been to on a date.

Instead they change the subject to something else, Philip relaxing as he no longer talks about one of the things he had been fearing the most. He finds a way to enjoy the night, standing on his doorstep hours later, leaving her with a kiss goodbye and a promise to see her again before she leaves.

—

“It feels so good for me to get out,” Eliza sits on top of the toilet seat as she watches her son do the cleaning of his wounds on his own, helping him bandage his stomach back up when he was finished.

“You look happier than I could’ve ever imagined,” Eliza points out, Philip smiling back at her as he nods.

The both move to his bedroom and Eliza lays down on the bed with him, having a feeling that he’s not done talking about the night he had had. Philip gets comfortable against his pillows, positioning a pillow under his arm just like he had every night over the last few months.

“It just made me feel normal again, you know? Like, I didn’t have to worry about bringing a wheelchair or how much pain I would be in. I didn’t have to worry about having a family member there with me in case something happened. I could just go one a date with my girlfriend and not have to worry about any of that.” Eliza ran her fingers through her son’s hair, nodding slowly.

For her, she remembers laying in a hospital bed in this exact position just a few short months ago, wondering if that would be the night she lost her son. She remembers reeling his warm, sweaty skin pressed against hers, his whimpers of pain etched in her mind for what she thinks will be the rest of her life.

Now he’s pressed up against her talking about a date he had just been on for Valentine’s Day, his first major outing away from his family, the pain only a slight part of this story. It’s a scenario she wasn’t sure she’d ever get to see, but one that she’s never going to take for granted, not after the few months her family have lived through.

“You are so close to making a full recovery from this, Philip. One day we’re going to look back on this moment as a major milestone. All of us couldn’t be prouder of you for fighting through this as best you can,” She whispers, Philip’s weight slightly leaning against her side as she speaks. “One day at a time, my boy, and this will be normal once again.”

She doesn’t leave the room until his breathing evens out and his eyelashes flutter lightly against his cheeks, parting with a kiss on his forehead and one last glance at her boy in his bed, grateful for everything they had managed to live through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for no update on Wednesday, i caught up to what i had prewritten and didn't have a chance to finish this chapter. updates will probably go back to Sunday's only because of this!
> 
> we're almost through with this story :( thank you guys so much for taking the time to read this and leave kudos/comments! i'm so glad you guys all like it!
> 
> how do you think New York will go? is there any last few things that you want to see?
> 
> see you next Sunday! :)


	41. forty one.

The debate on whether or not to make their trip to New York a family trip circled through the house for days between Eliza and Alexander, both of them making strong arguments for either side. They mostly keep their disagreement to themselves, not wanting any of their children to get their hopes up in the trip to New York that may not even be a thing for all of them.

“I’m just saying, as well as he’s been doing, we don’t know how he’ll be when he’s back up there. What if he has a lot of anxiety about it? You’ve seen him have an anxiety attack, Alex, you know how scary they can be. Do you want to expose the rest of the children to that if he has one?” Eliza kept her voice hush as they sat at the kitchen table together, going through the planning of their trip to make sure they had everything ready.

“I know, Betsey, but I just think it would be good if the whole family was there. We don’t know how much support he’s going to need,” Alex countered, Eliza sighing as she leans over, peering at the laptop screen.

“I don’t think the younger kids will be much help comforting Philip, my love. And you know how sensitive he is to his siblings seeing him sick or in pain.” There’s nothing that Alexander can say to refute the argument, instead just nodding at his wife, going back to writing a few things down on his laptop.

“This is just a big deal for him, and I’d hate to think that we weren’t all there to support him when he needs it the most.”

“He knows we all support him, but I think this needs to be a trip with just the two of us. Maybe Angie and Alex if you really want some of the children to come, but not the younger kids.”

“Mom?” Their conversation is interrupted by Philip standing in the doorway, his hair a mess as he obviously had been half asleep.

“What’s wrong, baby? Are you okay?” Eliza stands up from her chair as Philip walks in and slowly sits down in an empty chair at the table, looking between both of his parents.

“I forgot my medicine,” He mumbles, Eliza nodding as she presses a kiss to his head, walking over to where they had kept his medicine.

“What are you guys talking about?” Philip tries to lean over to look at the computer, Alexander smiling at his son.

“We’re talking about New York and who’s all going to go. How are you feeling about going?” Philip accepts the pills from his mom as he takes them, turning his attention back to his dad.

“I don’t know. I’m trying to stay calm and I know it’s going to be okay, but I can’t help but worry about it when I think about the fact that we’ll be so close to where this all happened.” Eliza was weary of her husband having this conversation as they neared midnight, sitting back down in between them as she watched her son, gauging his emotions through each question he answered.

“Would you rather it be just us two going with you?” Alexander questions, Philip contemplating the question for a moment. Eliza had never once thought of asking Philip his opinion, wondering if that was too much for him to think about when he was already so worried about the trip.

“Can Angie come? Alex can come too if he wants, but I’m not sure how scared he’d be if this doesn’t go well for me,” Philip shrugs, Eliza nodding. Her hand reaches over to rub her son’s arm, comforting him before she finds something to say to make him feel better.

“We’ll talk to both of them in the morning. For now, you need to get to sleep,” Eliza urges, Philip nodding. He slowly stands up from his chair and says goodnight to both of his parents once more, disappearing back upstairs, slowly making his way back to bed.

Eliza and Alexander go to bed that night with a lot to think about, both of them saying a quick prayer that no matter who was with them, Philip would be okay.

—

Angie collapses on her brother’s bed in between the pile of clothes and the suitcase laying on his bed that he had been packing, watching him focus on getting everything together before they left for New York the next morning.

“You get to see Theo tomorrow, don’t mope around,” Angie teases, propping herself on the pillows Philip has accumulated, watching him sort through what he wanted to bring for the short trip.

“‘m not moping,” He mumbles, grabbing a shirt and trying to fold it, setting it back down in frustration. “Can you help me fold this?” As painful as it was for Philip, he was learning to ask for help when he needed it, something that pleased Eliza each time she would overhear him having a conversation with one of his siblings.

“Pip, you can do it. I know you can. Try, and if you really can’t, then I’ll help,” Angie argues, Philip huffing as he holds the shirt in his hands, his shaky right hand gripping it as he does his best to fold.

Angie knows she’s being tough on him, knows she should just step in and help when she notices the way his hand shakes slightly as he grips it. But she watches the determination in his eyes, unable to bring herself to step in just yet. She knows he’s been working hard on that hand in therapy, and she wants him to have that chance to use it.

“Angie, I can’t do it,” He finally concedes, using his good arm to toss the shirt to Angie. She only rolls her eyes but folds the shirt anyway, Eliza standing in the doorway as she looks between her two oldest children.

“How’s the packing going?” She questions, walking in and straightening out the suitcase as Philip adds more clothes, Philip sitting down slowly on the end of the bed.

“I feel like I'm almost done. Angie is helping me fold my clothes. I tried, but my hand can’t hold the shirt and fold it at the same time.” Eliza can hear the heartbreak in her son’s voice, walking towards him to press a kiss to his forehead, rubbing his shoulder slowly.

“You’ll get there soon, baby. You even being able to grip the shirt and move it around is a huge step. Progress is being made,” She encourages, Philip nodding.

“And how’s your packing, Angie?” Eliza turns her attention to her daughter, Angie looking up from the shirt that she had been folding for the past few minutes, resting it in her brother’s suitcase.

“I’m all packed and ready to go,” She beams, Eliza smiling at her daughter, leaving them be as they finished up their work.

“Are you nervous about going back to New York?” Angie questions as she watches her brother move around the room, grabbing some of the last few things he would need. She watches the way he shrugs and looks uneasy, knowing that none of this was easy for him, despite his attempts to convince them all that it was.

“I’m excited to see Richard and Theo, but like, I don’t know how I feel about being in New York,” He sighs, pushing his suitcase to the side to sit down, leaning back against the pillows as he tries to relax.

“You know Mom and Dad aren’t going to let anything happen to you. And I’m going to be there, and Alex. We’re all going to help you get through this,” Angie’s words serve as comfort to Philip, nodding slowly as he played with the edges of his brace, doing his best to not get emotional.

“Thank you for pushing me and always being there for me when I need you,” Philip mumbles, feeling his sister make her way towards him, resting her head against his shoulder.

“It’s my job to be annoying and to push your buttons. If it’s helping though, I’ll be glad to continue.” Philip just laughs at his sister, nodding as he lets the silence take over the once nervous conversation.

The thought of leaving the next morning and going to a city that brought so many mixed feelings terrified him, but in the back of his mind, Philip knew that it was all going to be okay. Part of his family was going to be with him, and they would all get through it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter or two will be New York! how do you think it'll go?
> 
> thank you for always being so lovely/leaving nice comments and kudos! they always make my day :)
> 
> more next Sunday! :)


	42. forty two.

The bright lights and bustle of New York City almost feels refreshing to Philip, who feels better than he ever thought he would. He sticks close to his parents sides as they walk through the streets that had once been so familiar to him, making their way to their hotel with Angie and Alex trailing just behind them.

“You feeling okay?” Eliza questions as she brings the three kids over to sit in the lobby while Alexander checks in, their suitcases around them. Philip leans his head on her shoulder instinctively, nodding slowly.

“I actually don’t feel that anxious. At least not as anxious as I thought I was going to be,” He mumbles, a smile spreading across Eliza’s face.

The family makes their way up to their hotel room for the weekend and the kids collapse on the beds for naps, giving Alexander and Eliza some quiet time to get work done and check on the rest of the children that they had left at home.

“He seems okay,” Alexander breaks the silence in the room, Eliza looking up to notice that her husband had been looking at Philip, who was sleeping as peacefully as he possibly could be on one of the beds. She nods, finishing up her email before turning her attention back to her husband.

“He said he doesn’t feel that anxious, which is comforting to know that he’s at least feeling okay so far,” She shrugs, Alexander nodding in agreement.

“Let’s just hope that the rest of the weekend goes as well as it is right now,” Alexander mumbles, his fingers tapping against the keys as he works on some projects he had to keep on a deadline.

—

The warm Spring air brushes against their faces as they make their way through the crowded streets of New York City, Eliza declaring that the much smaller family needed to get out for some air and some exercise. Only small protests were expressed by the kids, Philip the most hesitant to even leave the comfort of their hotel room at all after everything he had been through in the city that had once brought him so much joy.

They really had no plan in mind, ending up in Central Park. They basked in the sunshine as Philip sat on the bench watching his siblings make up games and hang out in the open grassy area, his phone resting in his lap. 

“Wow, this big park and somehow I find you.” Philip looks up to see Theo standing just in front of him, a smile on her face. She lets him slowly stand up from his spot on the bench next to his mom, Eliza’s hands resting behind him as a safety measure she hadn’t quite learned to let go of.

“How did you know we were here?” He questions, his arms wrapping around her carefully as she pulls back, taking his good hand in hers.

“Angie texted me and said you’d be here for a little. I’m on break from class and campus really isn’t that far away from here, so I figured I’d come say hi,” She smiles, Philip turning back to look at his mom. 

“Go for a walk, catch up with each other over the last few weeks. I’m sure we’ll be here for a while,” She smiles, Philip nodding as he begins walking with Theo, the two of them following the paths in Central Park aimlessly.

“So, how is it being back here? Is it everything you remembered?” Theo questions, reaching out to take his hand as they make their way past tourists. Philip laughs lightly, looking down at his girlfriend.

“I mean, it’s better because right now the only memories I have of this place are bad. But, I haven’t been that anxious and being out walking around with my family has been good, so it’s going well. Still worried about when we go back to campus or at least near it. I don’t know if that’ll feel any better,” He shrugs, Theo nodding.

Their conversation lasts for what feels like hours, eventually circling back to where his family had stayed. Philip ignores the aching in his side, the overall fatigue he's feeling pushed aside by the adrenaline coursing through them. They stop just a ways away from his family, Theo leaning up and pressing a soft kiss to Philip’s lips.

“I’m going to let you have an afternoon with your family because I have class, but I promise we’ll see each other a lot this weekend,” She whispers, letting Philip kiss her again before they make their way to his parents, Theo looking between the two of them.

“It was nice seeing you guys! I told Philip that I would see him later, I’d let you guys have some time just seeing the city again,” Theo looks between both of them, Eliza standing up from her spot on the bench.

“Why don’t you come for dinner with us tonight? Unless you have plans,” Eliza offers, Theo quickly shaking her head.

“That would be great, thank you! Just have Philip text me what hotel you guys are at and what time I should come, and I’ll meet you guys tonight,” She smiles sweetly, saying goodbye to everyone before walking back to campus in time for her next class.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Philip questions, turning back to see his mom’s eyes on him. Eliza just laughs, shaking her head as her arms cross across her chest.

“You’re in love with her,” She smirks, Philip’s cheeks turning red. He begins to shake his head but stops himself, realizing that his mom isn’t lying.

“I need to sit down,” He declares instead, Eliza laughing as she helps her son sit on the bench, leaving a kiss to his curls once he was comfortable.

—

Dinner that night is filled with conversation surrounding funny things that had happened on campus while Philip had been gone, things that Theo had been getting up to, and random chatter about Philip’s progress. They sat in a crowded restaurant and Philip only felt a shred of anxiousness, glancing around the room every once in a while. The worry would slowly melt away when Alexander would press his hand to his son’s thigh, a reminder that he wasn’t alone.

It served as a reminder that things were okay.

“I’ve been hanging out with Richard a lot. They never gave him a new roommate, so he has your room to himself. He loves it, and it gives us a ton of room to hang out and have our own space,” Theo smiles as she takes a bite of her dinner, Philip laughing.

“I’m going to see him tomorrow, I’m guessing I’ll hear all about these crazy times you guys are having now that I’ve moved out. Good to know my space in the room was what was really holding you guys back,” He teases, Theo reaching out to gently smack his shoulder.

“You know that’s not what we meant. I mean, it’s not the same without you there, and I’m not just saying that. It feels like something is missing when we’re all together,” She sighs, Philip biting his lip as he nodded.

“Well, hopefully next year I’ll be back,” He states, and while it was a dream that Eliza and Alexander had for their son, it wasn’t one they thought they’d ever hear him say, at least not at this point.

Eliza watches her son from across the table and takes in the minimal anxiousness he’s feeling, the smile on his face, and the fact that they’ve basically been going since they arrived and he’s still able to somewhat keep up.

It’s a miracle this trip had happened this soon after the accident, but it’s a miracle that Eliza welcomes into her life with open arms, praying that everything goes this smoothly for the remainder of the long weekend.

She’s not naive to realize that it probably won’t, but she knows there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of hope, wanting this version of her son to be around much more often than the Philip they had all grown accustomed to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the New York trip begins! it's going well so far, but will it the whole time?
> 
> we're beginning to wrap this story up, probably only a few more chapters! thank you guys for reading and leaving comments, honestly this story has gotten so much more attention than i ever thought it would've/could've dreamed of.
> 
> more next Sunday! :)


	43. forty three.

The hospital looks and smells the exact same way Philip remembers it, stark white contrast, monotone floor tiles and all.

He had woken up that morning complaining of a little bit more pain than he’s used to, the anxiety that he had been immune to the day before now creeping it’s way back into his life. That information alone had made Eliza want to stay with Philip in the hotel room, dealing with whatever he needed there without having to worry about anything else. 

But then she remembers why they came in the first place, and she says a little prayer while they’re slowly making their way out the door to let them have a good day full of memories and breakthroughs that they deserved.

The partial family make their way into the elevators of the hospital that they had called home for a few weeks, Angie and Alex both filling their minds with memories of when they’d come see their brother on nights where their parents would say it was okay to see him, that he wasn’t in any danger.

Two chimes and the doors open to the ICU ward, a ward that Philip had never thought he’d see again. He takes two large, shaky steps out over the threshold, Eliza standing just beside him. She grabs his hand and gives it a gentle squeeze, Philip allowing her as they made their way to the desk, a nurse waiting to help them.

“Oh my gosh, you’re Philip Hamilton,” She smiles, her face lighting up when she sees the state he’s now in. “I’ll page Dr. Jones right away, he’s going to be so happy to see you,” She continues, sitting back down in her chair after greeting the family, picking up the phone to page him.

It’s only a few minutes before a nurse they recognized as Mary walks down the hallway, smiling as she makes her way towards the family. Philip leans down to hug her, Mary taking a step back to look at him.

“I have to say, seeing you up and moving around without any assistance is one of the best gifts you could’ve given us today,” She smiles, Philip laughing as he nods. “I’ll bring you back to Dr. Jones office. He’s with a patient right now, but he’s going to be so happy to see you in a few minutes.”

The walk down the hallway is unfamiliar and not something Philip has ever done before. He glances in each room as he walks by, the memories flooding his mind with the fact that he almost died in one of these rooms, and it was by a small miracle that he’s able to even come back and visit the way he is right now.

Eliza and Alexander crowd three of their children into Dr. Jones’ office, an office where they received so much news over the course of almost three weeks of Philip being in the hospital. They share a glance that says nothing and everything all at once, Eliza giving her husband a half smile as she turns her attention to her eldest, making sure he was comfortable and the pain medicine was beginning to take effect.

“Hello Hamilton family,” Dr. Jones breaks up the silence with a knock on the door, a smile on his face. He shakes everyone’s hand before arriving at Philip, who slowly pulls himself up from the chair with minimal assistance from Alexander, who’s more worried that he’s going to lose his balance than anything else.

“A sight that I’d always hoped I’d get to see. You pulling yourself up with no one holding onto you to help,” He smiles, shaking Philip’s hand before pulling him in for a hug, Philip smiling over his doctor’s shoulder.

“Thank you for saving my life. Thank you for giving me a chance to even be able to do this,” Philip smiles as he sits back down in the chair, Angie helping a pillow rest under his arm. Dr. Jones smiles, clasping his hands together as he looks across the desk at him.

“When you first arrived here that first night, I was worried. You pushed through that infection like a champ, much better than anyone I’ve ever seen. You did most of the work, Philip, but I am so glad that we are able to be here to see it,” He smiles, Philip nodding.

They move off into a conversation about his recovery and how things had been going back in DC, Philip eager to tell him everything. He thinks the conversation could’ve lasted hours, but after 30 minutes Dr. Jones pager beeped, a sad smile appearing on his face when he glanced at the message.

“I have to go tend to this, but thank you for coming to see me today. Thank you for showing me all the progress you made. When you’re back in New York, promise you’ll come back and show me even more?” He requests, Philip nodding as he stands up, this time letting his father help him. “Maybe even with the brace off next time,” Dr. Jones smiles, shaking everyone’s hands before they made their way out of the office.

“How do you feel?” Eliza questions, lingering back with her son, watching his steps slow and even against the tile that normally contained chaos.

Philip looks over to her, a genuine smile on his face for the first time all trip, his anxiety for the most part at bay after the conversation.

“It actually hurts today, but I don’t even feel it right now I feel like I’m on such a high,” Philip smiles, Eliza laughing as they make their way off of the ICU floor, back down towards the lobby of the hospital she had called home for a few weeks.

She walks out those double doors with the promise of more pain medicine and food soon, Philip only nodding as he followed two of his siblings through the crowded streets of New York City.

—

Against their better judgement, Eliza and Alexander allow Angie and Alex a night out together around the city, Alexander and Eliza going to the same restaurant as Philip was with his roommate, Richard. It was the first time the two were really getting to see each other that Philip remembers, Richard coming to the hospital right after the accident to see that he was okay.

The two sit at a table not far from Philip’s parents, Eliza worried that this was too much on her son. After the hospital visit they had gone back to the hotel for naps, and while Philip had managed to keep any anxiety attacks at bay, it was very obvious he was dealing with increased anxiety, Eliza worried that this was all becoming too much.

“I’m sorry I didn’t save you,” Richard blurts out, twirling his straw in his cup. Philip’s face softens as he shakes his head, confusion written all over his face.

“There was nothing you could’ve done. You couldn’t have done anything to stop what happened,” Philip promises, Richard just shrugging. While they had talked about other things in the beginning of the dinner it was obvious that this was plaguing Richard’s mind, and Philip wanted to be able to hear what he had to say without feeling like he was going to pass out.

“I don’t know. I mean, I was right there. I watched you get shot, Philip. I just feel like maybe if I ran at Eacker he would’ve missed, or maybe it wouldn’t have been as bad.”

“Hey, I’m alive, right?” Philip smiles, Richard laughing as he nods.

“Yeah, you are.”

“I mean, I’m not totally put back together, but I’m alive,” He promises, fiddling with his brace as he watches Richard glance down at his place setting. “I know I don’t remember it, but you staying with me after until the paramedics got there is more than enough. Theo told me you held my sweatshirt to the wound to stop me from bleeding out. I don’t know for sure, but that may have saved my life.”

“I didn't know what else to do,” Richard sighs, looking back across the table at his best friend. The memories had been hard for him to deal with, and while Philip had thought a lot about his family and how they felt, he hadn’t thought about Richard, who was standing right there when it all happened.

“You did all the right things. You helped save me, Richard. And I’ll be forever grateful for that,” Philip whispers, Richard nodding.

“But please, talk to someone about this at school? I don’t want you thinking that you did anything wrong or there was anything more that you could do. We both deserve to move on from this, and one day, we will. But you need to talk to someone,” Philip pleads, relieved when Richard confesses that he has an appointment set up for that week.

“Theo’s been telling me that you guys have been using our room to party,” Philip changes the subject, Richard laughing loudly as he nods.

“She’s probably a lot meaner about it than I would be, but yeah, people come to our room to hang out a lot. It gets wild. When you’re better you should come up and see for a weekend,” Richard offers, Philip laughing at how he’s being invited back into the room he once lived in, but agreeing to it either way.

The conversation dips in a million other directions, and by the end the two of them are laughing as if nothing had happened. Philip leaves Richard with a long hug goodbye and a promise that the two of them will see each other soon, Richard promising that he’ll be honest about how he’s feeling since the whole accident later that week.

That night back at the hotel Eliza waits until Philip falls asleep through the increased pain he’s feeling after their full day, settling into bed with her husband not long after. The two of them fall asleep with the feeling of success filling their bodies, both of them understanding how important this trip was to everyone and how much it was needed to begin a new layer of healing they were somehow ready for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big day for Philip, but some closure is happening for everyone!
> 
> there's most likely two chapters left, and then this story is done! i've had such a nice time writing it, and i'm so glad you guys seem to have liked it just as much!
> 
> thank you for all of the love as always! more next Sunday! :)


	44. forty four.

After a whirlwind of a few days back in New York City, Philip learning to manage his anxiety near the place where his life had been forever changed, and healing for the people they hadn’t even realized had been affected it was time for the a part of the Hamilton’s to return back to Washington DC, all of them more than ready to be reunited with the four younger children they had left back home.

Philip wakes up that morning complaining of his stomach hurting and his anxiety being through the roof, Eliza managing to get him to eat something before handing his medicine over, praying that it would kick in as they left for the train.

Philip’s steps through the congested city on the way to the train station are slow and calculated much like they had been when they had first started recovery, Eliza hanging back with him while the rest of the family push ahead, wanting to get to the train station and settled in time. Eliza wonders if they should just spend an extra night in the city, watching the way her son seems to be laboring despite the numerous reassuring phrases he comes up with to get her to stop worrying.

“Mom, it’s just because we’ve been moving this whole time we’ve been here. I promise it’s just that, I know it’s my muscles aching. I’ll be fine, I promise,” Philip smiles as they make their way down the escalator and into the train station, meeting up with the rest of the family, grabbing some snacks before making their way to the train.

Eliza helps Philip settle into the seat next to her, covering him with a blanket and making sure he had everything that he wanted to keep him as comfortable as possible on the train ride home. They’re only about 20 minutes into the ride when Philip falls asleep against her, his head resting against her shoulder as his arm drapes over his stomach.

Alexander stands up from his seat and gently positions a pillow under his son’s arm, sitting across from his wife, a smile on his face. “I’m glad you convinced me that he was ready for this trip. I know it was a lot of work for him and we had some anxiety we had to work through, but he’s okay, and I think it did him a world of good,” He smiles, setting his things on the table separating him from his wife.

“I know we just needed to do this, but to have it pulled off successfully just makes this all worth it,” She smiles, Alexander laughing as he nods in agreement, pulling his laptop out of his bag in hopes of getting some work done while Alex and Angie were watching a movie together just across the aisle from them.

Alexander sifts through the amount of emails that had piled up in his inbox while he took a few days off to focus on his family, stopping on one who’s subject line caught his attention. He reads through the email carefully, an email that he hadn’t planned on ever receiving this soon, if he ever received it at all.

Eliza watches her husband as his eyebrows furrow, his eyes scanning the screen in front of him quickly. She shifts only slightly so Philip doesn’t wake up, reaching her hand that’s not pinned by her son over to rest against the one her husband has resting against the desk.

“What are you reading?” She questions, praying that it’s not anything that needs to be dealt with the minute they get home. The relaxation they had all felt and the way Alexander had gotten some rest while they were away was refreshing for Eliza, praying it continued when they got home.

“Congress wants Philip to make a speech at the gun violence bill celebration in a few weeks,” He whispers, fearful that if he talked too loud people would overhear him. He peers over the top of his laptop to see his wife’s shocked expression, her eyebrows raised as she tries to process everything.

“They want him to talk about his experience and how he was affected by the old laws, and how grateful he is that they’re now changed. They think it’d be good to hear from some survivors, and some people who didn’t get to bring their loved ones home. Philip was one of the first people that came to mind.” Alexander can feel himself getting emotional, thinking about his son standing up in front of thousands of people, alive and well on the way to being healthy once more.

“Oh my god,” Eliza mumbles, feeling the weight of the boy who had been asked to do such a huge task against her. In so many ways she wondered if this was the right idea, if it was smart to have him stand up and speak about something that still affected both his physical and mental health on a daily basis. But then she thinks about his journey and everything they’ve been through, and knows that it’ll be inspiring to people.

“I’ll talk to him about it tomorrow once we’re all back home and settled. I can help him write a speech so that he doesn’t have to do it off the top of his head. We have a few weeks to go, but I do think this is an amazing opportunity for someone who’s been through so much,” He smiles, Eliza nodding in agreement, settling back in her seat for the journey home.

—

Alexander returns home from work a few hours earlier than he normally would, Lizzie clinging to his legs from the minute she hears the front door slam. It’s a welcome home that he missed the last few days, one that Lizzie had always done from the minute she had been able to walk and one that he hopes doesn’t stop anytime soon.

“You’re home early,” Eliza smiles as her husband walks into the kitchen with their 2-year-old now sat in his arms, leaning up to kiss him. Alexander smiles, dropping his bag off his free arm, letting his youngest sit on the counter while he grabs her a snack she had been asking for.

“There wasn’t much more I had to do at the office today that I couldn’t do at home, and I promised Philip we’d work on his speech today. Is he up for doing that?” He looks around and isn’t surprised when he doesn’t see his son, Eliza smiling as she hands her daughter a bowl of fruit, carrying her over to the kitchen table.

“He’s just upstairs for a minute, but I think he’s ready to do that. He’s been asking if you’d work on it with him today when you got home anyway,” She smiles, Philip walking back into the room as his face lights up when he sees his father.

The two of them make their way to the living room, settling in one the sofa together as Philip looks over at his father’s laptop, a blank document open in front of them. “They’re not giving you a time limit, so anything you want to say is completely open. Have you thought about it at all?” Alexander questions, looking over at his son as he watches him mull over the question he had just been asked.

“I guess I should summarize the injury, right? Tell them about it and how I began my recovery and stuff. I guess talk about how I almost died,” Philip smiles, all of that seeming like such a distant memory. The words roll off his tongue so easily that Alexander is taken back by it, wondering when they had gotten to a point that this whole ordeal almost felt normal.

Instead he just nods, his fingers pressing the keys feverishly as he keeps up with his son’s words, typing as quickly as he can to keep up due to Philip still not being able to type. The two of them work on wording and the flow of the speech until they’re called for dinner, Alexander helping his son up off the sofa as they make their way to the kitchen.

“We’ll work on it more tomorrow. That was a lot for today, Philip,” Alexander smiles when he notices how eager his son looks to continue working once they’re done dinner, Philip’s shoulders dropping slightly at the words. 

Alexander makes his way over to the sofa and sits down next to his son, gingerly pulling him into his side. “Hey, I’m proud of you for being so eager about this, and how strong you’ve been even in the toughest of times. I don’t tell you this enough, Philip, but I love you, and I’ll never stop being in awe of how strong you are,” Alexander smiles, leaving a kiss to his son’s curls before standing up, making his way back into the kitchen to help his wife.

The couple go to join their children not long later to find Lizzie curled up in Philip’s lap, William resting against his side under his good arm. It’s the most peaceful Philip’s looked in ages, and as both of them take in the sight of all seven of their children watching a movie together, the normalcy feeling almost as if it was an everyday thing once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little filler, but Philip is going to be making a speech! how do you think it'll go? also, the whole family and Theo will make an appearance back in this story for the last chapter, don't worry! 
> 
> next chapter is the last one :( thank you guys for all of the love, kudos, comments and everything else with this story. i genuinely never thought this many people would be interested in it, and i'm so happy you guys enjoyed it!
> 
> more next Sunday! :)


	45. forty five.

The entire Hamilton family walks through the streets of Washington DC before the crowds of people begin to show up, surveying the space where Philip would be making a public speech for the first time in just a few hours. Lizzie’s hand was grasped firmly in her oldest sibling’s, Philip doing his best to stay calm when the reality of how big this day is begins hitting him.

Theo had come home from school for the occasion, both she and Aaron arriving just as the people began to arrive. Theo immediately walks over to where Philip had been off by himself, his speech resting in his hands as he scanned over it. 

“Hey, baby,” Theo smiles, leaning up to kiss him gently, her hands resting against the lapels of his blazer. He gives her a version of that smile she fell in love with, only this time it was more hesitant, his nerves written all over his face. 

“You’re going to be amazing out there,” She smiles, Philip shrugging, his eyes glancing back down towards the speech before moving back up to look at her once more.

“I don’t know. I heard they’re expecting a really big crowd, and I’ve never spoken in front of anyone,” He whispers, the commotion in the room almost making it impossible for Theo to hear him.

“We’re all going to be right there. I’m going to be with my dad, right in front of your family, and your parents are going to be up on stage with you. Your aunts and uncles are here, all your siblings and cousins. You’re not doing this alone, Philip. We’re all going to be right there,” Theo soothes, Philip nodding as he takes a few deep breaths, their conversation being cut short by Alexander calling his son over.

—

The Hamilton children had gone with Angelica, Peggy and the rest of the family to their seats, Theo walking with her father down to where they were scheduled to be. It just left Eliza, Alexander and Philip backstage as the welcoming remarks began, Philip feeling his nerves only get worse.

He played with the fraying of the brace he felt like he’d had on for a million years, Eliza smiling softly as she takes a step towards him, resting her hand on his. “It’s going to be okay, my love,” She promises, Philip giving her a small smile as he nods.

“You ready, son? Your mom and I will be just behind you if you need us,” Alexander explains, Philip following him to the edge of the stage as he nods, composing himself. He glances out and sees the crowd of people that had come out on a warm spring day just before the seasons changed to summer and feels his stomach do a flip, biting his lip as he fought the nerves back, wanting and needing more than anything to get through this.

He doesn’t remember hearing his name be introduced to the crowd, but before he even has a chance to process it his parents are walking out alongside him, Eliza holding his good hand. They pause just in front of the podium, Eliza leaving a kiss on his cheek while Alexander rubs his back, the two of them going back to sit down as Philip takes slow steps up to center stage.

He takes a moment to look out at the crowd, American flags waving and signs plastered in front of him. It’s a wonder he doesn’t pass out right then, the sheer amount of people enough to terrify him.

But then he looks to his left and sees his family sitting up in the crowd, and he looks just below them and sees Theo, and he knows that he can do it for them, and it’ll be okay. 

“Good morning, everyone, and thank you for coming. My name is Philip Hamilton, and on November 11, 2016, I was a victim of gun violence,” Philip begins, his shaky hands resting against his speech that he planned to cling to to get through this. 

“It was an altercation with a student at my college. Previous to the gun laws being put into place, they allowed for this person to carry their gun with them at all times. He had confronted me over things I had said about him after an argument a few days prior, and when I didn’t apologize, he shot me once.”

“The bullet entered my abdomen on my left side, traveling through my body and lodging itself in my right arm.” He pauses, looking around at the people, only able to make out a few faces. “By the time I had arrived at the hospital I had already developed an infection in my wound, and the doctors gave me almost no chance at survival.”

“I have no recollection of the first week in the hospital, where I remained in the ICU and clung to life. There was a night where my mom held me and was so convinced she was going to lose me, the fever from the infection taking over my body. But just as the sun came up the next morning I awoke with it, bringing a lowered temperature and a newfound coherence that left the doctors dumbfounded.”

“As I continued with my recovery in the hospital up in New York City my father returned to Washington DC to lobby for the gun law to be put in place. While that verdict was ultimately postponed, it gave me a chance to speak when I returned home over a month later, beginning the process of getting this gun law into place.”

“Over the past 6 months I have endured two major surgeries, an infection that left me on the brink of death, and countless hours of both physical therapy and therapy for my mental health, which was also left damaged after this accident. I got through all of this because of my family and friends, who stayed by my side and helped me through every up and down of this recovery.” Philip glances over at his family, noticing his aunts and Angie crying, biting back a smile when he meets his eyes with Theo.

“There will never be enough words or time in the world for me to thank all the doctors, nurses, EMTs, and therapists who have worked with me through all of this, helping me get back closer to my normal self.” His hands shake as they turn the page, taking a moment to look back at everyone once more.

“To Dr. Jones, my doctor in New York who worked around the clock to keep me alive, get me the medications I needed, and do everything in his power to keep me comfortable. Dr. Cornell and Dr. Bates, who have been my doctors since I moved back here, helping me through the recovery as I transitioned off the heavy pain medication.”

“To Brayden and Lila, my physical therapists, who have had to deal with me in all kinds of moods. They never stopped pushing me to help me begin feeling like myself again. And to Mark, my therapist, who has helped me through some of the hardest times in my life. There will never be a way for me to thank you as much as you deserve, but just know that you saving my life and helping me recover has been the greatest gift I’ve ever received.” 

Philip reaches down and turns the page once more, now in the home stretch of his speech. “Finally, to my family,” He begins, turning to look at his parents, his mom unable to stop the crying. He notices tears in his father’s eyes, giving them both smiles that he knew they needed. He then glances at his family up in the stands, smiling even wider as he catches a glimpse at all of them.

“Thank you for putting up with me on nights where the pain was so bad I was unable to sleep. Thank you for walking on egg shells around me those first few weeks I was home, not wanting to hurt me. For all the times you got me things, helped me carry things, or even just helped me walk, thank you. All of this hasn’t gone unnoticed, and in my weakest days where it felt as though getting out of bed was the biggest accomplishment of my day, you guys were always there, lifting me up, making me laugh, making me cards and everything in between. To put it simply, I would not be here today without you guys. All this recovery would be lost without the constant support from all of you.”

Philip decides for his final remarks to go off from his speech, instead looking up to make eye contact with the large crowd fully for the first time. It’s a confidence he’s never known before, but one he’s willingly accepting into his life.

“I cannot tell you how thankful I am that the gun laws were changed. While I may never gain full use of my right hand again, and the scars from where they opened me up to save my life will never fade, I am alive. I know many families are unable to say the same, and to them I say, I am sorry, and I hope that this gun law passing brings you a sense of peace. I feel confident that going forward our children’s lives will be safer, and no one will have to experience what I have gone through over the last few months.”

He thanks everyone for listening before walking off stage with his parents to the loudest applause he’s ever heard in his life, finally smiling at the end of it all. It’s just starting to hit him how sore he is from standing for so long and the reality of what he had just done, but as his family comes running up to him and all try to hug him at once, he knows it’s worth it.

Eliza and Alexander stand and watch their seven children from afar, their eldest laughing as they bombard him with hugs and love that he so deserves. While it had been a trying six months of grueling recovery, therapy and setbacks, their son is alive.

And that is the greatest gift of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know the speech is a bit wonky to read, but i didn't know how else to do it, so it's long paragraphs! 
> 
> i am so sad this story has come to an end! i posted this in hopes that a few people would read it, but i could've never imagined this many people reading it and liking it. thank you so much for taking the time to leave kudos, comments or even just reading it at all!
> 
> i had been toying around with a one-shot based on the true story of Philip contracting a near death virus and Alexander helping nurse him back to health, although it definitely has the potential to be turned into a full fic. if that's something people would want to read, i think i could definitely toy around with the idea? or i could do little spinoff one-shots from this story with certain siblings or scenarios people may want to see that i didn't think of/didn't include in the story?
> 
> thank you for all of the love on this! hopefully i'll be posting something else soon for all of you :)


End file.
